spiderqueen

Hello - I have finally joined SR after months of reading posts, and marveling at the incredibly wise, terrifying & moving, and sometimes hilarious things everyone else shares.

Here is my sad story: After my long-term marriage ended, I contacted an old boyfriend (the "love of my life"), and we fell madly back in love. Little did I know he had become an alcoholic in the intervening 20 years, whose pattern was to binge dangerously for days, in isolation, drinking whiskey by the quart, to the point of black out, etc. He naturally hid this from me for as long as he could, and when I finally wised up, made dozens of attempts to achieve lasting sobriety, to no avail - the pattern continues unchecked: He will be clean for 2-4 weeks max, followed by an uncontrolled binge.

I attended AlAnon for a while, and am in therapy for myself. We have been together now for 3 years, with periods of separation, and even tried "no contact" once, to try to save our relationship. I always take him back when he begs me to "give us another chance."

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the only thing left now is to end it, for my sake, and perhaps even for his sake. We don't live together, so it's simply a matter of saying, "I AM DONE.", and meaning it. My heart is broken for us both. I need help to strengthen my resolve and move on. I hope to hear from you all soon.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR spiderqueen. I'm very sorry for the reason that brought you here. It must be painful and so frustrating to come to that conclusion.

I didn't want to give up on my alcoholic husband (I'm also an alcoholic) either - but I had no choice. He was showing no signs of changing or even realizing how much damage he was doing to our family. This was many years ago & I still wonder if I did the right thing! You might want to check out our Friends & Family Forum too - many there are dealing with this problem. I'm glad you joined us - hope it helps to be able to talk it out here. You're not alone.

pinkgate

Welcome spiderqueen. I can imagine it would be difficulut and sad to accept that the love of your life has essentially turned into someone else as a result of alcohol. Double whammy after the ending of your long term relationship. I'm glad you found SR and it sounds like you have a inkling of what is the best thing for you.

least

to the family! You sound like you know what you have to do, for your sanity if nothing else. You have our support thru this. We are here to listen and help you.

Nuudawn

I'm an alcoholic...and pretty much a relationship addict as well. I get "addicted"/obsessed with the person/relationship (the more messed up the better) more than love them in a healthy way. I spent the last 3 years of my life entangled in something that felt impossible to get out of. I changed my number (twice)...but I couldn't tear myself away from it. I knew it was addiction somehow....I think I'm finally, finally freeing myself..but it's taken sobriety and ALOT of work with my counsellor.

Threshold

If he isn't getting sober....well, no reason fro two people to throw their lives down the crapper for alcohol.

I am sorry if this comes across as flip, because I don't mean it that way. I understand why my husband ditched me. He had a chance to find happiness beyond me.

SnwFlower

Welcome to SR Spiderqueen. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I had a hard time letting go of my alcoholic ex, but in retrospect, am beyond thrilled that I'm no longer associated with him. It sounds like you already know in your heart what you need to do. Remember that you deserve a healthy, drama-free happy life.

Rooting for you!