disco22

So I had my first meeting tonight. I talked. Yes I was surprised when I found my hand in the air. I was more surprised when words came out of my mouth. I felt a little better after the words came from my mouth. But as I drove home I felt just as lost and confused as when I walked into the meeting. I felt the need to have a beverage; I instead spoke to my mom and sister-in-law. I just wish there was guidence, but as my horoscope stated today guidence isn't always writing in the sky. I am going to take this confusion and anxioty as a sign that I need to find a hobby. Something to build me as a person. I am stronger then I could have thought possible. I am just going to fighting.

Day 5- still confused, lost anxous, but fighting and striving.

Anna

I agree you are strong and dealing with this. I had no idea how strong I was until I had to stop drinking.

I also agree with you that 'guidance' isn't always easy to pinpoint. Try sitting quietly with yourself. That really helped me. If you can meditate, go to that quiet and safe place within yourself and just be. The answers and the guidance will come.

Bruce292

I'm at day ... um ... just under four months. I'm still confused, lost, anxious, but fighting and striving. It gets better but it's hard work. It also gets better ... at least for me it has.

disco22

Anna- Thank you I will look into meditation or yoga. It does seem like something that could be good more me. Thank you for the suggestion.

Bruce- Wow congratulations!! I just want the withdraw to end mostly. My anxiety level is through the roof. I really appreciate the encouragement. It is making my day a lot better.

GracieLou

I call these mini-moments of clarity. I get these when I first get up in the morning. When everything is quiet and dark. I just sit and enjoy the peace. This is when I get my best suggestions on where I need to go from here.

It amazes me really. Something I have been pondering or a situation I have been dealing with become so clear. Like a curtain opened and the answer is right there staring at me.

disco, you are going to feel lost and confused because you are and there is nothing wrong with that. I felt like I had been controlling my entire life and now I felt I was not in control. It is scary and at times it down right pissed me off. I found though that is okay to not know everything and it is okay not to understand everything. I am no longer embarrassed to say "I don't get it or I don't understand". Admitting it was the first step for me.

Keeping yourself busy is a good thing. I know when I use my hands my head cannot spin and I know my mind can spin me right back into the bottle.

Take it easy and take it one day at a time.

LadyinBC

It really will get better. Just keep fighting and you will see, it really will.

LadyBlue0527

"but fighting and striving" are very, very important words. That's all that you can do. What works today to get you past that craving might not be what works tomorrow.

I am doing mental cartwheels reading your post. For each day that you don't pick up that drink and you fight and strive it's going to get better, I promise. Some days just the idea of the fact that you were able to get past it the previous day gives you the strength that you can do it today. Again, I am ecstatic to read your post!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

LadyBlue0527

Isn't that the best feeling??? For every day that you wake up and know that you overcame whatever led you to think that you needed a drink yesterday that feeling grows exponentially.

It's one of the most powerful feelings that I have ever felt. Me, who was overwhelmed at the idea of not having alcohol in my life. I never thought it possible and all it took was to do what it took so that I didn't drink just for that day. Then the next day, then the next.

LOVING IT!

fantail

Disco, just to chime in since you mention yoga. Yoga saved me for the first couple months (still kinda does!). Here's a cool article about the science behind it: Yoga: Changing The Brain's Stressful Habits | Psychology Today

Anyway for a while I went to class every day, sometimes twice a day. It was a way to calm down and distract myself. I also found it to be really a great way of learning how to urge surf.... pushing myself to hold a pose just a little longer, get through a tough sequence, etc. The mental techniques I'm learning in yoga give me so many tools for sobriety.

Congratulations on 5 days! You're doing this!!!

visch1

"Day 5- still confused, lost anxious, but fighting and striving." GOOD ON YA. it does get better if we let it. This is a good remember when so picking up is not associated with a pleasant memory of this time period. Good suggestions above. I would add meetings, meetings and more meetings as when I was idle my mind in the beginning went to thinking unhealthy things for me. BE WELL

360shoes

Hi Disco,
I've learned that if something is hard or uncomfortable for me, it's just the telltale sign that its something I need to work on. It can actually be a positive thing if you want it to be. How would we know what we need to do without it? Life's little instruction book in a way.

I know that like most things in life, if its easy, I probably can move on from that one.

The other thing I learned is I don't need to be a master at everything. If I'm uncomfortable around people, maybe it's because my nature is more introverted. Maybe I'm just fine being in a group but finding one or two people to be around or even just sitting by myself enjoying listening works. That may very well be just enough.

I try to stay away from that all or nothing thinking in most things other than drinking. That one is the exception. Most everything else I find a middle way to work pretty well.

As long as I keep my head clear from the alcohol, I'm finding that I'm getting to know and like myself pretty well just the way I was made. Quirks and all.

I like reflecting and trying to look for the lesson in experiences now. Beats the heck out of how I was living before which was just a dull boring cycle of numb, sick, numb, sick, hate myself, numb, sick, repeat.

Lightning Bug

Keep it up - you are doing Great!!!

disco22

Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I am learning so much from all of you and myself as well. Each day before i go to bed I reflect on what I now can remember of my day and that alone has helped me wake up sober the these past day. I now can think of things I am interested in such as new hobbies I would like to try. I liked what one person said in my meeting, a quote. "Stop thinking, stop drinking and go to meetings." I think i am doing okay with the second two, the first one is the hardest for me so far. My brain is off the walls the last 5 days. I don't think its worked this hard in the last 5 years. I have been just focusing on one task at a time and allowing myself to fully experience my abilities. I am also slowing down to think one thought at a time. I am also having other people know how I am feeling at the toughest points of my day, so I am not the one thinking about the situation. I know I have a long dificult road, but I feel with everyone's support I can slowly make this conquest. I emphasize the word SLOW, because I have been living a fast life for so long I am ready to slow down and give my body a break.

Thank you all again your words mean so much my words can't even begin to explain.

Nighthawk8820

Well you will continue to amaze yourself as you get more and more time invested in sobriety. I can do things today I couldnt imagine 2 years ago. Its kind of a hoot.

disco22

Wow congrats on 2 years!!!!

Thank you!!