rosebaby

My husband is a binge drinker. He also has depression and anxiety, which goes hand in hand. He doesn't think he has a "problem" because he isn't a "textbook" alcoholic. He goes out by himself and binge drinks himself to oblivion every 2 - 4 weeks.

He has been thrown in jail, gotten a dui, gotten in fights and passed out in bars. He passed out on a bench tonight waiting for a cab tonight. (The cab I called said he was a no-show.) There is no telling where he ended up. (At least he doesn't drive drunk anymore.)

I have a small child who I refuse to drag out every time her father gets himself into these dilemmas. That is a boundary I set for her. So, what am I to do? Just let him put himself in harm and wait for the inevitable apology and regret the next day?

I'm afraid one of these times, he's going to get severely hurt.

Please help.

mecanix

Firm boundaries as to how far you let his behaviour effect things is a good thing to be doing for yours and babies protection and sanity

Unfortunately untill someone admits they have a problem it's kind of difficult to do anything .

Bestwishes, m

honeypig

Welcome, Rosebaby, and glad you found your way here. There are a lot of folks here w/much experience, strength and hope to share. I've found a lot of help here and hope you find the same.

You might want to do some reading/posting in this section Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information for more feedback on your situation. Educate yourself, and make sure to read the threads at the top of that page, too, as there's a lot of good info there.

I would also highly recommend Alanon. You'll find support and acceptance like you wouldn't believe! Please consider checking into this.

Take care of yourself and your child; that is most important. Your husband is an adult and is making his own choices, however bad they are. Your small child needs YOU to be his healthy parent.

sugarbear1

"He goes out by himself and binge drinks himself to oblivion every 2 - 4 weeks.

He has been thrown in jail, gotten a dui, gotten in fights and passed out in bars. He passed out on a bench tonight waiting for a cab tonight. (The cab I called said he was a no-show.) There is no telling where he ended up. (At least he doesn't drive drunk anymore.)"

How much more textbook does he need than his own facts?

He has to want to stay stopped for him to stay stopped.

I hope you get the support you need in Al Anon!

least

You can't make him want to change his behavior. He has to want it for himself. The only thing you can do is change how you react to his behavior and set some firm boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate from him. I pray you find some peace in your life.

cheapredwino

Do you trust him not to get into bed with somebody? He could someday expose you to STDs.

FeenixxRising

Your husband's actions have almost certainly caused your daughter psychological harm. I know because my father was exactly like your husband. You've written that you're worried about your husband, but what about your daughter? Not taking her with you when you go out to help your husband won't keep your husband's drunken behavior from hurting her.

I can tell you where this is all going to end up; I've seen the movie, but are you really willing to do what is necessary to make sure your daughter isn't damaged long-term (namely, tell your husband to get it together or else)?

You have some hard choices to make. It won't be easy, but IMO your daughter should come first in all this.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation, and I hope that you can continue to establish firm boundaries to protect you and your daughter.

genepher

Try to take him for counseling.. My friend father have in this kind of problem.. she take him for counseling..now somewhat better than previous..

SoberMarine

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, RoseBaby. Have you considered intervention, where a few people he loves and trusts confront him and tell him they are worried, that he is being selfish, and that they care enough to see him get better? That could work. It works better if it "didn't come from you", meaning, have someone else set it up based on what "they noticed", this way if it doesn't go well he doesn't place the blame on you. I truly hope things improve.