Invictus19

I am on Day 7 and doing pretty well, I think. At least, I feel much better physically. As has happened many times in the past, after I quit and start to feel better a voice in the back of my head starts to tell me things like: You are overreacting. You aren't an alcoholic, you just had too much, again. You don't drink everyday. Just cut back. You just made the wrong decision to go to that party...an on and on

I know it's not the truth. I know I have ZERO control and that booze will continue to destroy me inside and out. I just lack 100% confidence right now that I am going to follow through. I am scared I will find another stupid reason to go back.

I have been going to AA daily and it is helping quite a bit - but that is only an hour a day. I also come on here, but I can't be here all day either.

Does anyone have an affirmation or quote that they repeated to themselves that helped strengthen their resolve? I feel like a good affirmation that I could say to myself when these thoughts pop up would help me out big time right now.

fantail

"Lean into the sharp points and fully experience them. The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. Wisdom is inherent in (understanding) emotions." -- Pema Chodron

I wish I had the book handy but all I can find is this short quote... it's from a longer passage in either her book "The Places That Scare You" or "Things Fall Apart," can't recall which. The concept though is of sitting with pain and feeling it as part of your human experience, not as a problem that needs to be fixed. Looking at it as knowledge/wisdom to be gained. I find this idea helps me a lot.

Congratulations on your first week!!!

fallingtogether

Hi there. I have been a part of AA for 8 months today. I have only strung together 2 periods of near 90 days. Then a month here and there. The problem for me is that I get tired of constantly working at it, so I try to reaffirm the same things you said. I feel like a broken record. I hate that. But yesterday I got down and prayed. I asked for care and protection and to not lose focus on one day at a time. I have wanted a good feeling about recovery for quite sometime and just haven't been able to attain it. Today I feel better about recovery than I do picking up a drink. I'm running with it. I haven't suffered huge consequences as a result of my drinking, so I kept digging another bottom. I found it. And I am relieved that I don't have to go back there. It all comes in the right time. I don't have a special quote, but one thing that sticks out in my head is in the movie finding nemo, when papa fishes yelling at nemo saying "you can't do that nemo, you just can't!" That's what I need to remember on a daily basis. I can't do it. But if I am sober, I can do anything!

fantail

Oh also! I had this in my wallet at the start:

"If they do stop, out of fear or whatever, they go at once into such a state of euphoria and well-being that they become over-confident. They're rid of drink, and feel sure enough of themselves to start again, promising they'll take one, at the most two, and — well, then it becomes the same old story." -- The Lost Weekend, published 1944

It really helped to remind myself when I started thinking I could go back and moderate that someone had described my problem exactly... forty years before I was born.

trikyriky

" Sobriety delivers what alchohol promises "

Invictus19

"If they do stop, out of fear or whatever, they go at once into such a state of euphoria and well-being that they become over-confident. They're rid of drink, and feel sure enough of themselves to start again, promising they'll take one, at the most two, and — well, then it becomes the same old story." -- The Lost Weekend, published 1944

fantail - This is awesome. I will definitely use it b/c it describes me exactly. Thank you.

falling - thanks for the reminder about Nemo. great movie and great analogy.

GreenEggsAndHam

No, I don't. What I had to do is recognize that this is my AV talking, trying to do everything in its power to get a drink. There have been some rough, rough days with this battle in my head, but logic and time prevailed (with the help of AA meetings as well).

ATKR

This morning on the way home from work I had a friend ask me to go watch the fireworks in town and have a few drinks tonight, I told him that I'm taking my wife and kids and I won't be drinking. When I got inside my house I had the same thoughts that you wrote above - I'm only on day three. I logged on to SR right away and I am glad I saw your post. My Nan always says, "this too shall pass". She says that to give me strength to push through a problem or bad emotion but she is always quick to remind me that it applies to positive situations and emotions as well. That quote helps me realize that there will be an end when life gets hard and helps me slow down and enjoy the good times while they last.

GreenEggsAndHam

btw - my AV says the same exact things to me almost every day, especially the first two weeks. It tells me I'm being dramatic, that I can moderate like I used to be able to do a few years ago, etc. It's getting quieter with each passing day.

Invictus19

"this too shall pass."

I love it. A classic. Short and sweet too. That's what I am looking for - something quick that says to my AV, "enough, shut the **** up!" and then I can move on.

Nighthawk8820

Yeah my quote was "stfu brain and stop focusing so much on the future, but instead focus on the present". Okay so I made that up on the spot, but I did talk like that to myself when starting out. The thing is, you know that you cant drink, you know what will happen if you do, and you know how hard it is to keep starting over. Knowing all of those things is all you need to get this to stick and last. Take alcohol completely off the table, its not a factor in your life anymore. You cant have it much like a diabetic cannot have a big piece of chocolate cake. Its just the way it is, but it doesnt need to define your entire being. You have every tool you need in life within yourself, but its up to you to learn how to tap into that and become the best you possible. You will learn all that in recovery, as long as you keep growing and pushing yourself.

Also, remember you will NOT always feel like you do right now. As time goes on, you will begin to feel amazing in more ways than one. Right now, try and not live in your head, but stay busy, and work through the withdrawal phase. It will be a touchy next 90 days, but you can do this, and think of how nice it will be to live free of this addiction cycle, and having alcohol be the focal point in your life. You will have a sense of freedom unlike anything you have experienced in a while. With all of this, your confidence will go up too...........probably a lot more than you even think possible at the moment.

whipster

No pithy sayings, but keep in mind that "voice" you hear is your lizard-brain which only seeks pleasure, and it will try to get you to drink every time. You can choose to listen to that part of your brain that contains your humanity.

Invictus19

Thanks. The lizard-brain, is that an AVRT concept? It seems like that is the same as the AV concept that I am starting to get.

Trying anything right now. AA, AVRT, exercise fanatic. I will do ANYTHING to never drink again. Thanks for all responses.

GreenEggsAndHam

lol I really am going to try "Oh shut the *** up" next time my AV nags me.

It's easy for me to separate myself from my AV (relatively easy) because I don't want to drink. I know I have a problem. My rational mind has no doubt. But my addiction is what tries to convince me otherwise.

And I'm like you - I will try anything at this point. I'm DONE.

360shoes

The only difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.