newpower

When I get really waisted I find myself cutting.

I cut lightly just enough to feel the pain not to hurt myself severely.

I'm a bit scared of what may happen.

Has anyone ever had experience with this.

Jeni26

Hi newpower.

I have some history of self-harm mostly in my teens but not done in conjunction with drinking. That became a form of self-harm in itself.

What has helped me has been to get some therapy to address the underlying issues.

Have you considered this at all?x

Soberpotamus

Yes I've done it. It wasn't often. First time was when I was 25 after my mother was convicted of manslaughter. I was in shock and didn't take it well. And maybe 4-5 times since. That was an 11 year period. Was drinking in every case. Last time I did it was a big wake up call. Not because I did real damage but because I realized it was indicative of deep emotional pain... And that things weren't getting better, if I was still drinking heavily and attempting to cut (no matter how superficial the wound), it meant I needed help. And that only I had the power to save myself. I needed to reach out to others for help, to start trusting others, and to give myself a chance to forgive and heal. To forgive my mother. To forgive myself. To grieve my mothers death. And to save my marriage.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

newpower

I don't feel I have alot of emotional pain but when I drink its a ticket to crazy town.

I'm finding it almost impossible to get more than a week sober.

Jeni26

What are you doing for your recovery newpower? Maybe you need to shake things up a little, try something different?x

newpower

Nothing as yet just trying to get sober

DisplacedGRITS

hey newpower! i cut for a little while too and did some other self harm. i was seeking that rush, that flow of endorphins. i had to be high and if i couldn't drink or use, i cut and self harmed. what i find now is that when i need an escape or am feeling lost and i just have to do SOMETHING i take a step back. i take a deep breath and do something else. something pleasurable. i come here and read/comment. i call an alcoholic in recovery. i work on my 4th step. i write down some things i'm grateful for. i clean a few things in the kitchen just to do something positive. and the feeling passes. the longer you get away from that behavior, the less those urges influence you. it's hard in the beginning but you've got to start somewhere. have something else you can go to. i colored a lot in the beginning because it was a nice, relaxing, focused activity i could do and when i was done, i had a lovely picture. it's cheap too! just some markers from the store and some downloadable pics (i like coloring mandalas).

i recommend you start looking into some structured form of recovery. just willing yourself sober isn't going to do it. at least, it sure didn't work for me and every alcoholics i've met. have you considered AA or AVRT? SMART recovery? if you're a woman, Women for Sobriety? there are lots of options out there. don't just stumble blindly through recovery. find people who have what you want and ask them how they got it. then be willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

ippochick

i have scars from cutting when i was on a psych unit last year. a couple of nasty ones that will always be there.

the thoughts of self-harm are diminishing - i'm not getting drunk and ******* up, so the self-loathing is beoming more distant every day i remain sober.

be well.

MIRecovery

If you harm yourself when you drink maybe you should stop drinking

Threshold

I used to cut. During the last crazy days of active substance abuse, I was cutting all the time. As I worked a recovery program, I realized that cutting was pretty much the same as drinking/drugging for me. An attempt to ease the pain and anxiety, to put something between myself and my messed up life.

I had to give it up the same as I did with drugs and drinking, anorexia and binge eating. The only way I could do that was to not just stop...but to get into recovery and find healthy ways to address my life and situations that felt overwhelming to me.

Working a recovery program saved my life, because I was self destructing in as many areas as I can think of. These forums have been a huge support to me.

Not sure if it needs to be mentioned here or not, but cutting is not just an issue for young women. I was 46 yrs old when I finally stopped and I know men who do it as well...or similar behaviors. banging their heads on things, punching things till their knuckles bleed, burning themselves etc. It is more common than many people realize.

GreenEggsAndHam

newpower - I don't cut, but please reach out to others in your life for help. They can help you find your way.

Isaiah

Hi newpower,

Yes. Cutting started as a problem for me even before the drinking became one. The lack of inhibitions of being drunk would make me more prone to cut.

If they go hand in hand for you then getting sober's the right start. Maybe finding a supportive group of people you can work sobriety with? AA for example? SR is kind of an online version in many ways too. I know places I've lived there are support groups that tackle addictive and mental health stuff together in a very warm, non-judgmental setting.

Don't be afraid to ask for help either (not on this site, I mean the "real world.") I know it can be hard--I never, ever liked doing it myself--but truth is people are more ready to help and less judging than we often give them credit for when we're in a state of depression or shame. You can do this!