please help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6
please help.
i joined this site when i got to work this morning because i can't keep living the way am. like 90% of the mornings over the past 7 months, i woke up with no recollection of how i got myself home from the bar (or how i made and ate soup or how i managed to set all my alarms for the morning).
over the past year, i've been to rehab, AA meetings, residential treatment...but, it hasn't been until the last couple of months that i have really recognized the severity of my problem and wanted to change. alcohol is no longer something i desire to keep in my life. but i can't get it to go away. i feel powerless to my addiction, and that statement is the first time i have ever admitted to such. i am ashamed of myself, because my mother thinks i've been sober for the past two months.
a quick fill-in on myself: i am 23, 120 pounds and have been consuming roughly 2 handles of vodka every week for the past 7 months since i got my own apartment. prior to these 7 months, i got a dui, have had the police called on me 3 times, have tried to kill myself. my addiction runs hand in hand with my bipolar i diagnosis.
i graduated 2nd in my class from a respectable university. i should be doing great things with my life - living up to my potential. but i'm throwing it all away, little by little.
i am terrified that i will never get out of this trap. please help me. how do i get my life back?
over the past year, i've been to rehab, AA meetings, residential treatment...but, it hasn't been until the last couple of months that i have really recognized the severity of my problem and wanted to change. alcohol is no longer something i desire to keep in my life. but i can't get it to go away. i feel powerless to my addiction, and that statement is the first time i have ever admitted to such. i am ashamed of myself, because my mother thinks i've been sober for the past two months.
a quick fill-in on myself: i am 23, 120 pounds and have been consuming roughly 2 handles of vodka every week for the past 7 months since i got my own apartment. prior to these 7 months, i got a dui, have had the police called on me 3 times, have tried to kill myself. my addiction runs hand in hand with my bipolar i diagnosis.
i graduated 2nd in my class from a respectable university. i should be doing great things with my life - living up to my potential. but i'm throwing it all away, little by little.
i am terrified that i will never get out of this trap. please help me. how do i get my life back?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
You can get out of this trap. Where there's a will, there's a way. Tons of good information on this forum about the methods/techniques/programs members here are using to stay sober. Learn about them and pick one you think might be effective - AND GET TO WORK.
Ask questions. Members here love to be helpful.
You can do this!
You can get out of this trap. Where there's a will, there's a way. Tons of good information on this forum about the methods/techniques/programs members here are using to stay sober. Learn about them and pick one you think might be effective - AND GET TO WORK.
Ask questions. Members here love to be helpful.
You can do this!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
to SR! To stop drinking the first step is to stop drinking. Just don't drink, one day at a time. It's simple but not easy. There are lots of ways to stay sober, I stay sober with a combination of counseling and this site. There are programs such as AA, Smart, AVRT, and others.I know you'll find a lot of support here and I hope we can help you in your desire to stop drinking.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
One morning I woke up with a nasty hangover. Like, I thought I damaged something hangover. I googled how to stop getting drunk. I found a site that said not to take the first drink. Completely novel concept to me because I had been beating myself up for not moderating.
It will be uncomfortable and your mind will tell you to eff it all and drink. But don't. You can do this.
It will be uncomfortable and your mind will tell you to eff it all and drink. But don't. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 67
You can do it! You have many examples of folks here who are staying sober. Do everything you can.Go to meetings, post on this site, see a counselor or psychiatrist, exercise, and eat right. Occupy your time with many things focused on recovery and good health.
You can do it!
You can do it!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I had many, many mornings like that too - so hungover that I had to do all i could to keep my head propped up at my desk, thinking that I would cut back or quit, but every night I'd say, well - I"'l just have one tonight to take the edge off...and start all over again.
I found SR and actually quit last may, but after a month or so figured i could just have a few socially, and within a few months was right back to a 6 pack of beer or more every night, more like a 12 pack a day on weekends. And towards the end, i was drinking mid morning on weekend to get me feeling normal at all. The final straw for me was panic attacks, went to the ER once even.
Bottom line, I figured out that no recovery method or detox will work until you decide for yourself that you absolutely want sobriety more than anything else. And I believe I've found that, and I'm using SR as my primary support. You can do it too - but not until you admit that stopping is the only option and that you cannot moderate/control your drinking. It won't be easy, but its well worth it. And you can start right now if you want - anyone can . I wish you the best of luck and welcome to SR.
I found SR and actually quit last may, but after a month or so figured i could just have a few socially, and within a few months was right back to a 6 pack of beer or more every night, more like a 12 pack a day on weekends. And towards the end, i was drinking mid morning on weekend to get me feeling normal at all. The final straw for me was panic attacks, went to the ER once even.
Bottom line, I figured out that no recovery method or detox will work until you decide for yourself that you absolutely want sobriety more than anything else. And I believe I've found that, and I'm using SR as my primary support. You can do it too - but not until you admit that stopping is the only option and that you cannot moderate/control your drinking. It won't be easy, but its well worth it. And you can start right now if you want - anyone can . I wish you the best of luck and welcome to SR.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
In addition to the good things said already...
I'd be cautious about thinking too much about "what my life *should* be like." I'm 31, about 2.5 years sober, my life is not where it ought to have been had addiction never come up. I'm only just getting back on the road again. I'm on that road because I've learned how to live sober and am working to keep it--because I have it, it's the only reason I have something of my life back. Rather than feel regret now for loss time or missed opportunities, I'm incredibly grateful for a second chance, because while I know things can still get better I also know they could become horrifically worse if sobriety isn't my top priority.
Take it one day at a time, take what resources/support you can find and don't let regret drive the bus for you--no one I know has ever gotten sober by regret.
I'd be cautious about thinking too much about "what my life *should* be like." I'm 31, about 2.5 years sober, my life is not where it ought to have been had addiction never come up. I'm only just getting back on the road again. I'm on that road because I've learned how to live sober and am working to keep it--because I have it, it's the only reason I have something of my life back. Rather than feel regret now for loss time or missed opportunities, I'm incredibly grateful for a second chance, because while I know things can still get better I also know they could become horrifically worse if sobriety isn't my top priority.
Take it one day at a time, take what resources/support you can find and don't let regret drive the bus for you--no one I know has ever gotten sober by regret.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
recognizing this problem at an early age
Originally Posted by flordelmar 
i am terrified that i will never get out of this trap. please help me. how do i get my life back?
can we start by just not drinking today
believe me it does work one day at a time
we have to break the habit
by first off
keeping the plug in the jug
you are a young person
recognizing this problem at an early age
has great advantages
we wish to welcome you to this very helpful site
believe me it does work one day at a time
we have to break the habit
by first off
keeping the plug in the jug
you are a young person
recognizing this problem at an early age
has great advantages
we wish to welcome you to this very helpful site
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 65
you can't stop drinking and take medication - the pills will just trip you back again. Get 24 hrs clean and sober under your belt, and become willing to go to any length. You cant think your way into right living you have to live your way into right thinking and that requires action - no to buying vodka for instance.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Do you have a counsellor you trust? I have both this forum and a counsellor I see bi-weekly. SUPPORT is absolutely vital. It's so beautiful that you have reached that place where you have found the willingness to change. If YOU didn't see the severity of your problem or WANT to change before..then all that stuff you did previous was pretty futile. Desire and willingness to change has to be the starting point.
If you indeed have a bi-polar diagnosis than brain chemistry doesn't have a chance in hell for regulation if your self-medicating with alcohol.
Welcome...sounds like your about to find your way home.
If you indeed have a bi-polar diagnosis than brain chemistry doesn't have a chance in hell for regulation if your self-medicating with alcohol.
Welcome...sounds like your about to find your way home.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
If you indeed have a bi-polar diagnosis than brain chemistry doesn't have a chance in hell for regulation if your self-medicating with alcohol.
In addition to being in AA meetings, continue with it's program. I sounds like you have now done a fairly good 1st step.
Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6
i want to thank everyone thus far for your messages and support. it's amazing how my spirit has lifted throughout the day getting to read through. each word inspires hope. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
i've been working on and off with sobriety for the past two months. then, i have my bad days like last night where i black out for hours, stumbling the streets alone, and wake up full of regret and shame. things i have been doing to help me get sober: spending more time with my family (my mother has been my biggest support through my addiction and illness), gardening, exercising. the thing with having drank as much as i have over the past three years, i haven't really developed any hobbies or even really come to realize the types of things i may be interested in. i need to find some hobbies!
for those with inquiries as to my bipolar disorder. it is indeed legitmate. i've been struggling with it for over four years but never received a proper diagnosis until last summer when i was committed to a mental hospital. i have a psychiatrist and take mood stabilizers. and have also had a full psych evaluation. my mood disorder and my alcohol dependency have most definitely had a close relationship for some time.
i've been working on and off with sobriety for the past two months. then, i have my bad days like last night where i black out for hours, stumbling the streets alone, and wake up full of regret and shame. things i have been doing to help me get sober: spending more time with my family (my mother has been my biggest support through my addiction and illness), gardening, exercising. the thing with having drank as much as i have over the past three years, i haven't really developed any hobbies or even really come to realize the types of things i may be interested in. i need to find some hobbies!
for those with inquiries as to my bipolar disorder. it is indeed legitmate. i've been struggling with it for over four years but never received a proper diagnosis until last summer when i was committed to a mental hospital. i have a psychiatrist and take mood stabilizers. and have also had a full psych evaluation. my mood disorder and my alcohol dependency have most definitely had a close relationship for some time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by flordelmar
my mood disorder and my alcohol dependency have most definitely had a close relationship for some time.
I know you've heard of AA, have you given it a good look?
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by tomsteve
welcome!!
one thing that concerns me is this:
" my addiction runs hand in hand with my bipolar I diagnosis."
is it you doin the diagnosing or a doctor?
one thing that concerns me is this:
" my addiction runs hand in hand with my bipolar I diagnosis."
is it you doin the diagnosing or a doctor?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
Originally Posted by rAAt
you can't stop drinking and take medication - the pills will just trip you back again. Get 24 hrs clean and sober under your belt, and become willing to go to any length. You cant think your way into right living you have to live your way into right thinking and that requires action - no to buying vodka for instance.
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