We are going to AA today.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Flat Rock, NC
Posts: 2
We are going to AA today.
I go with my husband to as many of his AA meetings as I can. I suspect he's slipped, yet he's going to collect his 90 day chip today. It feels like such a huge lie. I've talked to him and he maintains he hasn't cheated. The signs have been there, though. Conflicted? Yes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Redcat, can I ask why you are going with him? AA is for the alcoholic; the alcoholic needs to work his own program. Alanon is for the family and friends of alcoholics. Unless you yourself are an alcoholic, Alanon would be a much more appropriate and helpful place for you to be. Have you considered that option?
As some others have said, you cannot control your husband's AA program any more than you could control his alcoholism; going to meetings with him will only keep you from focusing on what you CAN control: You.
As some others have said, you cannot control your husband's AA program any more than you could control his alcoholism; going to meetings with him will only keep you from focusing on what you CAN control: You.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I also wonder why you are so involved with this? I assume your husband has specifically asked you go today to pick up the 90 day chip. If you believe he is not sober, then don't go. Your husband should manage his own recovery and its consequences. Hopefully you can find some support in AlAnon.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
AlAnon for you would be better as you'd get support you need to deal with this. If he's slipped and is still going to get his chip then that's on him, he'll have to deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
I'm not an alcoholic, but my 22 year old son is. The very best advice that I have for you is to let go of this and let him deal with his drinking. I know it's difficult, but this is his demon to deal with. Stay out of it and let him go to the meeting alone. If you haven't gone to an Al Anon meeting as of yet, find one and go. You'll learn so much there about how to handle the alcohol problems. I very rarely even mention my son's recovery anymore and he goes to all his meetings on his own. If he chooses not to go, it's on him, not me.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi Redcat,
I was just wondering if you were an alcoholic yourself. If you are, it might be a good idea to go to different meetings than his.
His recovery is his and yours is yours.
Have you considered going to Al Anon? I have been in your shoes where I was more invested (light words I should say obsessed) with my partner's recovery (or rather lack of) than mine. I was a basket case and ended up going to Al Anon. Best thing I ever did for my sanity.
I was just wondering if you were an alcoholic yourself. If you are, it might be a good idea to go to different meetings than his.
His recovery is his and yours is yours.
Have you considered going to Al Anon? I have been in your shoes where I was more invested (light words I should say obsessed) with my partner's recovery (or rather lack of) than mine. I was a basket case and ended up going to Al Anon. Best thing I ever did for my sanity.
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