Mjdoet

Hi, I'm MJ. This is my first day on the forum. I've been trying to stay sober for 2.5 years now. I can go months without anything, no desire to drink at all, but then these HUGE urges overpower me and I give in. I hate seeing my loved ones so hurt. I'm not doing this to hurt them. I try to explain but I think it's hard for them to get past the disappoint and anger. I've tried AA, I listen, but I DO not know what to do. I'm starting day one again. I'm depressed, frustrated, scared, and do not know what to do. I don't want to lose everything. I just want to get it right and get the urges and giving in to just stop. Thanks for listening.

least

What kind of support do you have? Family or friends? A good support system helps a lot.

I too tried and tried to quit but failed over and over. But when I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober. You can too.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family!

Soberpotamus

Check this out: What is Urge Surfing?

BabyJane

Just try to focus on today. You don't have to know it all. It takes a while to learn how to live sober AND be happy. Accept that there will be some good days ahead and also some huge challenges but you CAN do this. Take a deep breath, know in the core of your being that you are DONE with your old way of life for good and begin again. Today is a new day!

Mjdoet

Thanks for all the replies so far!! I have a good family and an awesome fiancée. I know she's pretty fed up with the back and forth. I know she's hurt and disappointed. The only thing I can do is try again and do things differently. It's pretty tough. I don't want this to be my future.

2granddaughters

You say you "tried AA". Did you have a sponsor and a home group?

Did you talk to the oldtimers in your AA group and ask them how they got/stayed sober and would they teach you?

Did you sincerely get down on your knees and ask for a Higher Power to help and guide you?

I tried everything in the beginning but nothing worked long term until I committed to AA, not just tried it.

All the best.

Bob R

wiscsober

Mjdoet...to SR....I'd suggest taking to heart the advice given on this thread and read a lot of threads in the different forums

2granddaughters asked some very important questions about AA

Sobriety isn't something that just happens by attending meetings...

the key for me is to help myself stay sober by working the steps with people with other recovering alcoholics...and making myself available for the alcoholic who wants to get sober.

Going to a meeting I always ask myself what can I bring to the table instead of what can I take away. With that I usually walk away sober for the day!

To me it's nothing magical nor puzzles to be solved. How can I help others to help myself live sober for the day.

My very best to you...stick around

FeenixxRising

Mudoet, did you get a sponsor and work the steps? Was your Higher Power something you really had faith in? If not, I suggest getting a sponsor and making an attempt to work the steps.

Also there are other, non-spiritual techniques for dealing with urges. See:

Rational Recovery | The Crash Course On AVRT
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®

You will have to spend some time reading on these sites, but they both offer advice on how to deal with that voice in your head that sometimes urges you to drink.

Mjdoet

Does anyone have any experience with multiple relapses?

Hevyn

Welcome MJ. I hope it helps you to be part of SR - it's a great place where people really understand.

I drank for decades - so yes, I did relapse a few times. I can't say I ever was serious enough about stopping, though - until my life was in danger at the end of my drinking career. It was just a half-hearted attempt to stop the other times. Maybe you're ready to kick it out of your life for good. We know you can.

visch1

That's part of the disease that's trying to kill us. I need to remind that alcohol is a TOXIC chemical that destroys the brain and a lot of other organs. If some one is able to recover from multiple relapses they should consider themselves very lucky. We don't hear much on these forums about all those that died or perhaps are hopelessly in their they land of the living dead. With a relapse there's no guarantee some horrible thing won't happen and I've heard many of them. BE WELL

visch1

Very well put. If we really want to get sober it's necessary to put away the toys and get honest with OURSELVES. So much of this bull crap about slips is about doing things my way or I don't like........... Fine your misery is refundable big time. Try going to some meetings and listening to peoples consequences about "slips" BE WELL.

Nighthawk8820

Look back at all your other attempts and try and figure out what happened to get you off course. Then, with this time, come up with a new strategy. You cant keep trying the same routine, because it isnt working for you. Time to come up with a new plan, and put your all into it. You can be free of this addiction, but you may have to try something new this time to get it to stick. Does that make sense?

FeenixxRising

MJ, I'm pretty sure everyone of us has committed to not drinking or using, and then after a few weeks relapsed. Try not to let it get you down. Many of the people here with years of sobriety, relapsed a few times before their sobriety finally stuck. You have to keep trying, no matter what.

I suggest taking a long and serious look at your situation, and removing as many triggers from your life as you can. I know it's not possible to live in isolation and remove every trigger, but there are certainly some people, places and situations you can avoid until you get some sober time under your belt.

Louise82

Welcome, MJ. Yes, many alcoholics and addicts have experience of multiple relapses.

There's some really good advice on this thread. What are you going to do now?

Dee74

Hi MJ

I swore off drink and drank again just about every week for 10 years. Most of us know about multiple relapses.

I think the key is to keep adding to whatever it is you're doing to stay sober until you find the right ingredients to give you 'escape velocity'.

Support was a game changer for me. You'll find a lot of that here.
It really helps to know you're not alone.

There are other face to face options too. There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

Mjdoet

Went to an AA meeting this evening. First time with that group. I'm going to attend the meeting there tomm and see if I can get a sponser. I'm not how to go about that or what to do with one. Thank you for all these responses. Nice to know there are others out there willing to help.

wiscsober

very good...some groups have list of people who will sponsor...you may want to mention it to someone before or after the meeting...

if you feel comfortable enough to speak during a meeting you can ask about sponsorship

I highly suggest you to search for some sponsorship threads on this site, the AA homepage, and do a google search for "AA sponsorship"

Write down on paper what you want a sponsor to help you with...

When I sponsor people at first...I only discuss the steps, nature of alcoholism, material from the Big Book and 12x12

I set strict boundaries for myself and the sponsee...I don't mess with personal finances, marriage/relationship counseling, employment, or offers of housing...
I find it best to make suggestions and not demand anything...an old saying in AA is: call me before the first drink...if not...call me when you sober up and we'll discuss what happened.

In my many relapses I had a few sponsors who had to end it and move on...I have also...

So, again, find info. on what sponsorship is about, get down on paper what you want who you want...

My style is to go through the first three steps within a day or two and get the person working on the 4th/5th quickly...and then both of us do service work and 12 step work together

Other people do it differently

Grungehead

Good for you MJ for taking some of the suggestions here. I think one of the most important things in early sobriety is to be willing to trust other alcoholics with some significant time sober and follow their suggestions.

I have found in my short time of sobriety that finding and actually spending time with my sponsor away from the meetings has made a big difference in the quality of my sobriety already. We meet at least once a week for 1-2 hours. He is my teacher, and he is teaching me how to stay sober. I have done everything he has asked me to do without question. He only "requires" two things from me at all times...honesty and trust.

Mjdoet

I like the idea if writing down what I'd like to have in a sponser. Or for someone who can teach me the ways to extend sobriety for as long ad I can. I suppose I can be stubborn because I do enjoy AA but I don't believe in the steps or at least some. I accept what I am but I just don't think turning myself to a higher power or admitting that a higher power helped/helps me sober is something I can accept. It seems to a annoy some AA folks. I'm not downing them at all but I truely believe we all get sober in different ways.