MattyBoy

Okay so I'm just past my fist month of sobriety and something has become glaringly obvious to me now I'm not drinking... And that is just how inconsistent people's attitudes are toward alcohol. It seems if you don't drink you're on a par with vegetarians in a list of people that are unwanted at dinner parties but if you're an alcoholic, people assume you are either selfish, weak willed, insane or all of the above... So why is it that people have such a problem if you choose not to drink? An example to illustrate this point is that I was in a pub a few weeks in to my sobriety (may seem like a bad idea but as my drinking was mainly isolated I don't get tempted in pubs) and one of my dads older friends offered to buy me a drink. I asked for a going ginger beer and he looked at me as if I was taking the ****. He then realised I wasn't and said 'go on have something stronger!' Now this man actually has a daughter who is a recovering alcoholic and he paid 20000£ on her to go to rehab. Now there is someone who has seen first hand the ravaging effects of alcohol abuse and yet he was still so insistent that I had a drink... The mind boggles!

I also think of all these 'normal' social drinkers who give up for a month and can't stop banging on about how much better they feel and how they've lost weight and just how good their skin looks and yet still go back to it only to complain of the hangovers and putting on extra pounds... How did this stuff get such a powerful hold over western society? It's crazy. If it were introduced today it would be socially perceived as just as harmful as crack and heroin and almost certainly more harmful than cannabis and yet people judge people who use these substances so harshly whilst simultaneously binge drinking every weekend.

Sorry for the rant but I think my main obstacle to long term sobriety is getting my head around the inconsistencies and hypocracies that exist when it comes to how people view alcohol. It's all double standards IMO just because the stuff is legal and 'an intrinsic part of our society'...yeah what a load of ****.

GracieLou

Congrats on one month!

That was a very good post. It is amazing what we see when we are not drinking.

I think the most important thing is how you view alcohol.

There are many different attitudes about many different things in the world. What is considered normal in some cultures is deemed unfathomable in others.

All of the different views are interesting to me but I have to deal with how I view it and how it affects me. I am sure there are people and cultures that debate for hours about their views on alcohol.

In the big scheme of things the only attitude I have to live with in the end is mine. I guess that is how I keep it simple. I can't drink. I can't control it. The first drink gets me drunk. Abstinence is my only solution, one day at time.

1stepup

Totally agree 100% with your post, drinking is so ingrained in our society (especially here in UK), that it makes staying sober seem like we're cutting ourselves off from society, when the reality is that I for one quit to try and get back into society and live a worthwhile life.

Michael66

Yes, to more or lesser degrees alcohol has become the 'norm' in many parts of society. John Wesley, George Whitefield and William Booth all saw the damage it caused. Today's society seems little different.

Nonsensical

Perhaps why The Serenity Prayer was invented?

Nighthawk8820

See, when you are sober and around other people who choose to drink , you make them uncomfortable. Its not because there is anything wrong with you or is it even your fault, its because you showing self control makes them evaluate their own relationship with alcohol. They feel guilty or whatever for seeing you controlling yourself, while they are getting smashed. They dont even have to have a problem with alcohol themselves, but you around doesn't allow them to fully cut loose and let go, because they feel you are a reminder of what they should be doing. Its stupid and unfair, but its what it is, and I have run into it a lot. I can say to them it doesn't bother me when they drink or whatever, but my invites have dwindled down to nothing. Its funny too because they used to complain I drank too much, but I was always on every invite list, now I dont drink and am not invited to social events. You are reminder of what they feel they should be doing, but dont want to think about while partying. Its that simple. You need to find some like minded people who are in the same boat as you. Its easier said than done, but this forum is a nice place to start, at least for me.

Nighthawk8820

Dont let other people ever effect your sobriety. Sobriety teaches you to stand on your own and to rely less on the approval of others. It takes some times, but you learn a sense of self and reach a level of confidence that isnt like anything else. It does set you a part from society, but it also gives you an insight and knowledge that very few people ever attain.

MattyBoy

Thanks for the responses, I guess deep down I know why people have an issue with drinking around teetotallers but it is so frustrating! I'd love to be able to go to bars and pubs and socialise without alcohol but people just won't have it. Also I'm not one of those people who needs to have a few drinks before they can hit the dance floor, I love dancing sober, so it's irritating that people feel like they have to insist on me joining them to down a few shots first. Anyway as one person mentioned , the serenity prayer is a reminder that we have to 'accept the things we cannot change' and I guess this is one of things I cannot change as much as I wish I could!

Marjoram

Excellent post MattyBoy. I do agree. Everything has alcohol involved. Someone gets engaged "hey let's have a drink". Someone gets married. Someone has a baby. You go to a concert. You go to a sporting event. Somebody passes away. Holidays. The list goes on and on. And remember as it was mentioned above, it's not about what everyone else is doing, it's about what you are doing. Do the right thing, and let that make you happy. Again - a great post.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on your first month. While I agree that Alcohol is very embedded into our culture, it only matters if you pay attention or care. There are a lot of other asinine things embedded into our culture that I choose not to be part of as well. Hypocrisy also abounds in every day life on many things, but again - it only matters if you care or actually listen to the people who act as such.

Worry about yourself and those immediately around you, and don't focus on things you cannot change.

NoelleR

Just a few statements here caught my eye.....................:


"...Everything has alcohol involved..."

"...It's all double standards IMO just because the stuff is legal and 'an intrinsic part of our society'..."

"...socialise without alcohol but people just won't have it..."

"...it's irritating that people feel like they have to insist on me joining them to down a few shots..."

"...I dont drink and am not invited to social events..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps it's not you, but the folks you're hangin' with.....? .....the 'society' you see......? 'Everything' really doesn't revolve around alcohol; it's not an intrinsic part of our (whole) society (perhaps just the society you see....?); ..... etc.

Most of the folks I hang with (most not alcoholics and most also drink occasionally) could care less whether I drink or not. They don't insist I join them for a drink (most of them don't just 'down a few shots.' I'm still invited to social events, just not where drinking is the center of the socializing.

Keep on staying sober, and getting out there.....finding there is more to society than the 'drinking society.'

(o:
NoelleR

ElegantlyWasted

"my main obstacle to long term sobriety is getting my head around the inconsistencies and hypocracies"

The thing I figured out was that bad things would consistently happen when I drank. When I don't drink that stops. Alcohol is different things to different people. I had to figure out what it was to me.

Admiral

There's a book called the four agreements that everyone here should probably read. It lays out the four basic things that we need to do in order to be happy and healthy.

1) Always be impeccable with your word
2) Never make assumptions
3) Always do your best
4) Never take anything personally

The last one is especially valid for these situations. We have to realize that the actions of other people are never because of us, but because of them. Everyone is living their own dream, you can think of it as an individual movie. Your life is a movie about you, starring you, directed by you, and just as no two movies are alike, no two people's lives are the same. If people call us stupid or weak or tell us we need to man up and have something stronger, we should never feel guilty or feel at fault, their statements are solely based on their own individual experiences.

It all ties back in to being impeccable with your word. You should never use your words to hurt another person or spread poison, and when others do it to you it's important to not accept it.

Soberpotamus

Alcohol is cheap, easy to obtain and widely accepted. It's big business.

... but I could really care less how society views alcohol. I'm not a normal drinker, so my view of alcohol is biased & skewed.