Resolution Dissolution
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
Trouble sleeping again last night. Insomnia is not uncommon for me, but I think I am still feeling the aftershocks of my recent lunatic binge. It was a bad one. Possibly my worst ever, although it's hard to quantify such things.
Despite that, I feel hopeful. I have learned tons here at SR over the past few months. I have lots of tools and support to work with as I rise from the ashes. And I have learned a few things from this recent experience.
1. The maintenance of my resolve will be a lifelong task. My addiction will relentlessly chip away at it, and it will eventually fail, unless I take positive action to bolster it.
2. I don't possess anything more valuable than my last unbroken promise. All that I have I would have given to not see the disappointment I saw in my daughter's face.
3. Physical withdrawal symptoms are getting worse for me - a trend that will only continue if I continue to drink.
It's the resolution dissolution I am still seeking an answer to. I had attained such high resolve back in January and then again in March I thought they were infallible. This turned out to be untrue. How do I make my resolve infallible? I have some ideas, but I would like to hear yours.
Despite that, I feel hopeful. I have learned tons here at SR over the past few months. I have lots of tools and support to work with as I rise from the ashes. And I have learned a few things from this recent experience.
1. The maintenance of my resolve will be a lifelong task. My addiction will relentlessly chip away at it, and it will eventually fail, unless I take positive action to bolster it.
2. I don't possess anything more valuable than my last unbroken promise. All that I have I would have given to not see the disappointment I saw in my daughter's face.
3. Physical withdrawal symptoms are getting worse for me - a trend that will only continue if I continue to drink.
It's the resolution dissolution I am still seeking an answer to. I had attained such high resolve back in January and then again in March I thought they were infallible. This turned out to be untrue. How do I make my resolve infallible? I have some ideas, but I would like to hear yours.
Yes, the withdrawals do get WAY worse each time, so it really fuels the drive to get and stay sober. You can do this! I swear the psychical symptoms you are feeling are all related to alcohol and will dissipate over time if you stick with it. I think you have your head in a good place and I wish you all the success with this in the world.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by instant
Its intersting how the resolve can weaken. I think over time it takes less energy or personal "stuff" to stay sober. I think of the skill that i have now developed more fully is of knowing when I am "centred" and when i am "not centred". I inherited that term from someone on SR, i think it was Daytrader.
It is possible to be off centre and still be sober and committed to recovery. It is however a place of being more ill at ease with myself, the world, the people in it and caught up more in "the issues" and dramas of our lives. With practice I have come to recognise such states, then what i currently do is deliberately try not to make matters worse. I also have afew mindfulness exercises I do. There are other recreational things i do that also help.
Lets not forget the value of a daily dose of SR !!!
It is possible to be off centre and still be sober and committed to recovery. It is however a place of being more ill at ease with myself, the world, the people in it and caught up more in "the issues" and dramas of our lives. With practice I have come to recognise such states, then what i currently do is deliberately try not to make matters worse. I also have afew mindfulness exercises I do. There are other recreational things i do that also help.
Lets not forget the value of a daily dose of SR !!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I have been where you are. I drank, regretted, drank, regretted, drank..... Then I Lost something really important to me, and was humiliated beyond words. I am still recovering, I will be recovering from that situation for a long time. I do not advise going down that path. Let your daughters face be the reason for the permanent change. Work at your sobriety daily on here, maybe face to face.....Readings. I believe that Anna put it nicely when she said, "Sobriety can be a lot of starts and stops" .....We can do this one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
In my case the is no "resolve" or "willpower". I want sobriety and all it brings waaaay more than I want anything alcohol has to offer.
It took a couple of months of sobriety to really realize that. At first I just new that I hated what alcohol was doing to me. And I hated waking up being hungover.
But now, after a few months sober, I just don't want to go back. There's nothing there for me.
It took a couple of months of sobriety to really realize that. At first I just new that I hated what alcohol was doing to me. And I hated waking up being hungover.
But now, after a few months sober, I just don't want to go back. There's nothing there for me.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by 360shoes
I don't know why we all have so much in common with the drinking part but the quitting part seems to be so individual sometimes.
Your description of your daughters's face made me sad. I had a Dad who drank and sometimes it's was awful. When he got bad he would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me he was leaving and he would never see me again. I remember one time when he locked himself in he and my Mom's bedroom with a loaded gun while my Mom and other family members talked to him through the door. I remember my parents fighting a lot. I was just little.
One day my Mom had enough. It was us or the bottle. He chose us. He has not had a drink for 51 years. My Dad is not an educated man. He would have trouble spelling addiction let alone understand what it met. He never read a book about it, went to any meetings about it, probably never even talked about it to a living soul. He just stopped.
I don't know how he did it. But I do know he was never the smartest person in the room but his heart was as big as a house. He would have and still would take a bullet for his family and even a stranger. He now is right by my Mom's side as she dies from Alzheimer's. He is 81 years old.
I think it was love that saved him. I have no other explanation.
How any of us do this may be a mystery or maybe it's not. I don't know. I guess we all just have to find the thing that means more. Who knows what that thing is but us.
I hope we all find it and keep it whatever it is.
Just me.
Your description of your daughters's face made me sad. I had a Dad who drank and sometimes it's was awful. When he got bad he would wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me he was leaving and he would never see me again. I remember one time when he locked himself in he and my Mom's bedroom with a loaded gun while my Mom and other family members talked to him through the door. I remember my parents fighting a lot. I was just little.
One day my Mom had enough. It was us or the bottle. He chose us. He has not had a drink for 51 years. My Dad is not an educated man. He would have trouble spelling addiction let alone understand what it met. He never read a book about it, went to any meetings about it, probably never even talked about it to a living soul. He just stopped.
I don't know how he did it. But I do know he was never the smartest person in the room but his heart was as big as a house. He would have and still would take a bullet for his family and even a stranger. He now is right by my Mom's side as she dies from Alzheimer's. He is 81 years old.
I think it was love that saved him. I have no other explanation.
How any of us do this may be a mystery or maybe it's not. I don't know. I guess we all just have to find the thing that means more. Who knows what that thing is but us.
I hope we all find it and keep it whatever it is.
Just me.
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