ersatzmatriarch

lojoe...

i go to many AA meetings, and there is always someone (or several someones) who identifies as an 'alcoholic, addict'... and in some meetings, there are usually one or two people who only identify as 'addicts' (those this last group typically only happen in the meetings i go to at a treatment center.)

maybe try a treatment center AA group if you'd like to just stick with 'addict', or go to an open AA meeting... which are for anyone, alcoholic or not. if you find comfort in AA, there's no need to leave it altogether... you can find a group that will work with your disease.

best wishes to you... and welcome to SR!!

Dee74

That was the story of my life too - I both desperately wanted to fit in but was terrified of it too.

You don't need to sign a contract to admit you have a problem or accept a helping hand lojoe

There are online meetings, there are other recovery groups besides AA, there are even recovery groups with no meetings at all, like Rational Recovery.

Heck you can even just decide and commit to not drinking. Full stop.
It works for some.

If that's not working for you tho, then you need help.

Don't dismiss a problem simply because the thought of dealing with it is putting you off - you can lose decades that way, man. I did.

D

lojoe

Interesting. The fact is that I could try to commit to not drinking but I wont stay quit on my own resolve for more than a few months. After some time what happens is that the reason I swore off of it no longer seems important. So yeah I can't stay quit on my own but Im not a real alcoholic because the phenomenon of craving doesn't always occur. Im feeling pretty lost right now. My place in this world is nonexistent. I've been a damn loser for 35 years and I don't really fit anywhere. It sounds stupid and melodramatic I'm sure but it's very real right now. I havent felt so ****** in awhile. Might jump off the wagon. If Im not a REAL alcoholic whats the difference?

lojoe

What I mean with the phenomenon of craving not always occurring is that I can remember many times of only a few drinks and not all out one after another..so by big book definition im not a REAL alcoholic and I dont want to take up space for those who really are.

Dee74

Maybe you have a narrow view of craving LoJoe.

If you 'won't stay quit' surely thats a problem?

I got hung up on the real alcoholic thing too, even used it to drink more...all of which is weird cos I've never been a part of AA

I may not be a real alcoholic by some definitions, but I still nearly killed myself.

D

Bensmammy

Lojoe - eh i think you are a "real alcoholic" and if you have a drink now you could very well find your drug of choice - you've said it yourself - I def think you should stick at the AA meetings - you seemed to get something out of it - please don't have a drink

EmeraldRose

It's a tough call to label a complete stranger an alcoholic.
I can't say you are or aren't but I can say that the behavior you described is pretty common in most.
I never even labeled myself an alcoholic until I lost control of my life and ended up in rehab and AA.
If you feel the need to go to AA because you lost control over you're drinking then I really don't think it matters if you label yourself an alcoholic, user, etc...as long as you take advantage of the help and move ahead.
Wishing you peace.

ChooseSobriety

Hello lojoe,

First and foremost thank you for sharing. I extracted a few of your statement's that spoke to me personally.

In regards to your initial question, I find it interesting that I also excepted others opinions or diagnosis of who or what I was. The questions--infinite they are can most times only be answered by me.

In other words I always had a choice as to what I put in my body whether it was food, wine, dope, it does not matter "Period"

I especially resonated with your statement regarding honesty. I know for me when it comes to being honest with myself, "half measures availed me nothing", "to thy own self be true".

Honesty is not a walk in the park, it can be painful and brutal but for me if I choose to continue to grow spiritually, the path becomes more narrow. For me in order to change I had to choose to stop doing what I wanted to do and begin choosing to do the things that I didn't want to do.

So, bottom line for me. What do I want to do, continue to BS myself or make the tough choices and decide for myself who I AM.

Love,

CS

lojoe

CS...if you don't mind me asking. .. how did you figure out what the BS was vs. what the truth was?

ChooseSobriety

lojoe....send me a PM and we can chat sometime if you like.

Grungehead

I can't tell you if you're a real alcoholic only you can, but from what you wrote here I can tell you that you are thinking like a real alcoholic.

What part of the 3rd tradition do you not understand? "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking". That's it. Do you have a desire to stop drinking? If you do then you belong, and we have more than enough chairs so don't worry about taking someone's space.

pinkgate

I did some but not all of the things you report doing with alcohol.
Sometimes I like this angle: If one isn't an alcoholic, one doesn't need to drink or put any energy or focus towards not drinking. In fact, it's very well known that alcohol is just not great for your body, and I'm sure you have better things to spend your money on (you could be well off though!), so just don't drink for those reasons. If you're not an alcoholic, it'll be a walk in the park so to speak.

Sobersunshine

Lojoe, it sounds like alcohol has caused you problems in your life and you have a desire to stop drinking. I'd be happy to have you at my meeting! As far as being an addict too, I'd just not talk about problems other than alcohol. Anyway, you don't have to talk about what you did or took or how much, you can just focus one recovery, the steps, etc. if you love AA, keep going!

lojoe

Hmmm. Thank you. Maybe, if I have the disease, it has doing the talking in my head over the past few days.....maybe I do qualify as a real alcoholic and the disease has been causing this disruption...?? I suppose that could be...??