Mamabird74

This is the first time I have tried to stop drinking and am on day 2. I love my white wine. I drink a bottle every night, many times two bottles. I never remember going to bed. I usually wake up around 4am can't go back to sleep until its time to get up and drive the kids to school. It's been this way for 10 years. I have a huge problem with alcohol. I'm anxious all day until I pour my first glass around 6pm.
Last Friday night I threw a surprise party for my 14 year old daughter. She has been so mad at me lately..... A month ago I took her to her 1st concert ever, Rihanna. It's was supposed to be a great memory. Instead I drank too much at dinner and passed out at the concert, security was called and we were kicked out. You'd think that would be a wake up call.!!!! Oh no, not for me.....i blamed it on not eating enough food.
At her surprise party I drank too much wine. I drove my daughter and her friends home for a sleepover. I was so drunk that I had to close 1 eye and was swerving all over. My daughter was so scared. Thankfully we made it home, I don't remember going to bed. I woke up in morning to the reality that I could have killed my child and her innocent friends or at least gotten a DUI in front of her.
That morning of shame and feeling grateful that no harm came from my dangerous and selfish choice was my to rock bottom. The "What if's" are haunting.
I broke down and admitted to my husband and kids how bad my problem
Is.....no surprise to them. I made a promise to quit cold turkey. My daughter actually hugged me and told me she loves me. It is so scary to imagine life without wine however it is terrifying to imagine hurting my children and family anymore. I feel truly lucky to have made it this far. I know I cant moderate myself i don't want to play with fire anymore.
I feel like the worst person and worst mother in the world. It hurts to look at yourself from the outside and realize what a mess you are.
I love my family, I want to be there for them. I don't want to embarrass them. I need their love and want to earn their respect again. Maybe even respects self again.
Withdrawal sucks, my head hurts, stomach hurts. Had the shake a little. I can't stop crying and I never cry! Is this what grief feels like? Am I grieving for a part of my life I'm letting go of or just all the regret and pain of my mistakes?

Hevyn

Welcome Mama! I'm so glad you found us.

We have to be ready to let go of it. It sounds like you are there. I drank my whole life, always thinking it helped me cope. I grew completely dependent on it. Every time I picked up, I put myself in danger. I never knew what the outcome would be. I had no choice but to stop all together. I can never touch another drop.

I'm so thankful you didn't harm yourself or others. You could be dead - or in prison for life. I know you realize that - and I'm glad you are facing this. I promise there is life after alcohol. I think it's normal to grieve over what we see as a 'loss' - even though it really isn't. Later, you'll realize that. Please be kind to yourself as you heal. You have the support of your family - and you have us. There's a whole life to look forward to - and you'll be free to enjoy it. Everything's going to be alright.

JustSarah

Hi Mamabird - you're doing an amazing thing! It's hard to take the first step in acknowledging your problem - but you can do this -it may be hard initially but there are loads of people here for support. We're all in some stage of trying to sort ourselves out - I am in day 9 and have never done this many days before

xx

2granddaughters

I quit drinking and am learning to live sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

The oldtimers there will help you through the rough times in the beginning and guide you into a good life of sobriety.

All the best.

Bob R

deeker

You have a whole life to look forward to - you'll be free. Everything's going to be alright.[/QUOTE]

What they said and also

Big Book Audio MP3
Linked with Permission Of AA World Services,inc

Here is a link to an AA audio Big Book. Take the time to listen about alcoholism and the solution that has helped millions worldwide.God Bless!
If you can't do this on your own I highly suggest AA. Saved my life. Bless you!

Sasha4

You say you cannot imagine life without wine, but it sounds as if wine is really stopping you enjoying life to the full at the moment.

I fell into the habit of drinking every night.
It got earlier and earlier when I started to drink.
Mainly to get rid of the anxiety and hangover from the night before.

I became so isolated.
Every night, same spot on the sofa, same glass, same rubbish on the TV.
The nest morning, the same promises that I was stopping, then swinging by the booze shop for drink on my way home.

I used to feel nervous when I drive in the morning.
I never knew if I was 100% sober and I am not proud of that.
I used to frantically check my phone and facebook to see what rubbish I had texted or posted.
I would not answer my home phone after a certain time as people would hear me slur.
I never did anything on an evening as it would have interfered with drinking my quota of booze.
I slept badly. Most nights I passed out or blacked out and woke at 4am with my heart pounding.
I was a rubbish partner, a rubbish employee, a rubbish colleague, a rubbish sister etc, etc.

For 463? days I have not had to feel like that.
For 463? (lost exact count!) I have not had an alcoholic drink.

To me it is liberating.
I am free to drive where I want, when I want, I can speak on the phone when I want. I don't worry about facebook or texts. I remember going to bed every single night.
Drink does not trap me anymore.

What was powerful for me to remember was if I did not have that first drink, I could not get drunk.

I also took it a day at a time.
I made no announcements or confessions. I quietly got on with fighting my own battle with drink.

There have been so many times, too many times I have regretted drinking. I can not think of one time I have regretted not drinking.

My best to you
x

Dorris

You are very brave to be so open and honest with yourself and your family.

It will be tough for the next few weeks but sober you can begin to build so many wonderful memories with your daughter and these dark days will fade into the back ground.

Stay strong and keep posting here, read and learn as much as you can in these early days to help keep you focused.

Wishing you well Mamabird xx

NeedMySavior

Wow! I could have written the last post - with one exception. I went to rehab to dive ink sobriety. It feels so good to be 93 days sober and moving forward!
We are here to support and help you OP and we "get it"

Good for you for seeing yourself and wanting to change. That is the first step!

NeedMySavior

I could have written Sasha's post

Dee74

Hi Mamabird

I think you've made a great choice - it's not easy, especially in the early days, but there's a ton of support encouragement and understanding here - welcome

D

Mamabird74

Thank you all so much. I was scared to read the response to my ugly admission but am so grateful for your support. Sasha I relate to every word. I appreciate your honesty and hopefulness. For years I didnt acknowledge my drinking because I liked it and don't want to stop. Today the only thing I want is a sober life. I'm done! I can't believe how free I feel to not worry about how much wine is in the fridge or find an excuse to go to the store.

Anna

Mamabird, I think most of us have ugly admissions, too, so you aren't alone any longer.

I'm glad that you have decided to stop drinking for good. There is lots of support here, so take a look around and be inspired.

Spinach

You will be amazed in a few months you will start feeling life taking on its own route
a great thing filling your time . I couldn't believe how fantastic sobriety is
For now each day will bring its own challenges ,rewards may first be counted in days then in easy mornings and safe driving little things that add up.
It's a roller coaster of a journey and your family Dr can be of great help in early days and help reduce danger and keep a check on things as time passes, don't worry about telling them it helps them with all the reductions in concequences. Good luck.
This place really helped me.
John.

Sunny27

Hi Mamabird, like you, I was a wine fiend!

Nearly 18 months now since my last drink. My life has totally changed -and all for the better. Have a read of some of my threads on here. It can be done.

I too went cold turkey. I never went to AA as it is not for me. You can do it. I too was scared of giving the wine up. Now I am scared of losing my new life if I ever did drink again. What a turnaround.

Good luck to you!!!!

xxxxxx

solesman

Mama, you are not alone. We've all said and done things while drunk that are regrettable and down right disgusting. After learning yesterday morning that during my Saturday night blackout I got physical with my wife, I felt a wrath of guilt, shame, and regret. I came to the quick realization that the only way to truly prevent that type of behavior is to just not take that first drink. I then found SR.

Every time over the last couple of days that I think about next weekend's neighborhood gathering, I get chills worrying about how I'm going to handle it. But then I remember that recovery is about not drinking today. Today, I'm two days sober. Tomorrow it'll be three.

Good luck and God bless

ImperfectlyMe

Are you serious valid?????

PeppyGirl

Hey there MamaBird,

Thanks for sharing and know that you are not alone. There is a great "Mom" thread on here that you should check out. Many of us have been in your shoes. You have picked a great place to share here at SR. No judgement, we just all want everybody to get healthy!

Like you I LOVE white wine (just thinking about it now gets me all excited . I would also drink 1-2 bottles every night, some times even more. I stay home with 4 kids (8,6,4 and 2). In the fall of 2012 I made the decision that I wanted to quit drinking. Since then I have had many relapses...6 days, a slip, 2 weeks, a slip, 10 days, slip and so on. Through this process I have continued to add in support to help me be successful. I currently see an addiction counselor once a week, go to AA meetings daily and am in the middle of an intensive outpatient program. Right now I am on day 23 of being sober.

Take it one day at a time. A previous poster suggested not going cold turkey and having your partner monitor what you are drinking. You need to do what works for you, but for me an open bottle is an empty bottle. In addition having my husband guard the alcohol would probably make me get in a huge drunken fight over it. I would suggest cold turkey. I think it would be easier in the long run. If you are worried about withdrawals see you Dr. first. They can monitor you so that you detox safely. They can also prescribe different meds to help with the cravings and such. I did not see a Dr. and detoxed on my own. Aside from the crazy sweating that lasted about 5 nights I didn't have too many other symptoms from detox.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I am proud of you for admitting it to your family! It can be so hard because you are fearful of being judged. But living the lie of alcoholism is so much worse. It is a disease and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Hang in there and hugs to you, PG

quitforme79

I too used to drink white wine.. 2 bottles or 1 large at the end. I did end up w a DUI & in a psych unit after trying to kill myself while in a black out. I never lost a job or my home but I almost lost myself. What I'm saying is something bad may very well happen if you pick up again. Don't beat yourself up over the past, just know that w every sober day you are taking steps to reclaim your life & become the woman and mother you want to be. I stay sober w AA & coming to SR. Welcome & I look forward to sharing our recovery journey! It gets easier & so much better with time

Pondlady

Welcome Mama,
I too was a wine drinker....I think somehow I thought it was more socially acceptable and I used to "dress up" my drinking, with nice goblets. The end result was the same....drunk, passed out, feeling shame and guilt the next day. I tried moderating the summer of 2011, but resumed daily drinking. I quit in June 2012 and found it easier than moderating. I'm not saying it was easy, I had to change up my routine a bit and think things through....but I'd NEVER go back....life is so much better these days Stick with us and keep posting.

IWillWin

Welcome and I admire your bravery sharing your story...

Ahhhh...4am. Alcoholic dawn. I knew it well. And I don't miss it. Neither will you.

This is not easy but you can do it. I too went cold turkey. It was uncomfortable and I was sick and tired and in a brain fog for a few weeks but I went to work, did my thing and muscled through. Look around here at SR on what to expect during withdrawal - many of us have shared and each has a unique story. It is important to take it serious though, it can be very medically complicated and we always suggest getting the advice of a doctor in order to detox safely.

You can do this. We are here and don't judge. Some of us have done unspeakable things during our drinking and believe me, you are not alone.

I wish you the best and stay strong!!!