wanderingstar

So I only decided yesterday that I'm not going to drink anymore. Prior to that decision, I had plans with a friend whose sibling will be visiting from out of town this coming weekend to go on a couple of brewery tours with them. We haven't been getting along as well as we normally do lately, so I really don't want to cancel without an explanation. On the other hand, I obviously am not going to go on any brewery tours, and I don't really feel comfortable telling her why I actually don't want to go. The only thing I've come up with is, "I'm behind on xxx and need to do some more work this weekend," but I think she'll see through that, as we have the same job. Any ideas for ways to cancel that won't make her feel like I'm bailing for no reason but that don't involve me actually explaining what's going on?

bigsombrero

I would plan some kind of elaborate fake kidnapping. Rent a motel room, set up a crime scene, etc. Do you have a bear costume, by chance? Or you could just call and say you can't make it. Sorry, you have some other commitments.

Congrats, I am encouraged to hear you're pursuing sobriety.

wanderingstar

I know, I know, it's probably not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. I mean, really, saying that I don't like how much I've been drinking lately or my behavior when I do drink is in no way more embarrassing than actually getting out-of-control drunk.

I do like the fake kidnapping idea, though. Thanks!

Mizzuno

I think that you could say that you are working on your health, and that you prefer to not drink at this time. What if you all made a change of plans? Go to see some art, or find a wholesome project to do together. ....or you were kidnapped by a bear?
Hmmm.... It seems like telling the truth, and not making it heavy is a good idea. It does not have to be a big deal. You will know what to do!

quitforme79

lol sombrero! I would just say "I'm staying away from alcohol this weekend because it makes me feel crappy lately" "I have found some other fun things to do such as ...insert whatever sober activities here.

auden67

What about calling in sick? Could you get away with that? Not entirely untrue when you are in early sobriety. You really need to focus on your health. Or, maybe claim a family emergency and meet them for brunch? Less likely to feel the pressure to drink. I don't think you have to be totally honest personally. I made up excuses for staying home. Now, it's no big deal with my friends (cool people who love me anyway) and I make the decision whether or not it will be fun for me. I don't stay out late at the bars, but I go to most social gatherings now, and no ones cares that I don't drink.

bigsombrero

I hear ya. I really wish I did have some genuine specific advice, but I have no experience with the matter. In my own experience, I was hospitalized a couple times, I'd collapsed with seizures in front of family and friends. Then a month in lock-down treatment, lost my job, etc. I didn't need to worry about "how do I tell someone" because everyone knew. I was laying in a hospital bed.

I honestly kind of envy the luxury you have - being able to chose how to tell people. Good luck, whatever you do - just don't go on that tour! It was cool to hear how confident you were about saying "no" to that event!

wanderingstar

Thanks, everybody! I appreciate the advice, as well as the reminder that this really is not a big problem at all. Mizzuno, I probably will go with some played-down version of the truth and try to find out if they're doing anything non-boozey at some point. Quitforme, I like the idea of actually suggesting a fun, sober activity. And Auden, you're probably right that making plans with them early in the day makes it likelier that they'll not be drinking. Bigsombrero, thanks for sharing your own experiences and for the encouragement!