The stark reality of the person I've become
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 70
The stark reality of the person I've become
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my behaviour and my attitudes.
The eye-opener for me was when I asked my sister if I could borrow her car (bearing in mind it's only a week since my last bender). When she'd stopped laughing, she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't trust me one inch and I would probably drink and end up killing someone.
I was offended and said 'how dare you say that. If people aren't going to trust me, I might as well just continue drinking.'
Upon reflection, I realised how selfish, self-absorbed, childish and manipulative I have become. I have allowed alcohol to change me beyond recognition. How can I possibly expect instant trust when I've spent the last 17 years in a drunken haze, albeit it with brief periods of sobriety.
It's made me see that regaining trust is going to be a long, painful process. I cannot threaten people that I'll drink if I can't get my own way. I've become a child and it's time to grow up and prove it by actions rather than pointless words. Just thought I'd share this because it's really hit home over the last few days. It's time to change!!
The eye-opener for me was when I asked my sister if I could borrow her car (bearing in mind it's only a week since my last bender). When she'd stopped laughing, she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't trust me one inch and I would probably drink and end up killing someone.
I was offended and said 'how dare you say that. If people aren't going to trust me, I might as well just continue drinking.'
Upon reflection, I realised how selfish, self-absorbed, childish and manipulative I have become. I have allowed alcohol to change me beyond recognition. How can I possibly expect instant trust when I've spent the last 17 years in a drunken haze, albeit it with brief periods of sobriety.
It's made me see that regaining trust is going to be a long, painful process. I cannot threaten people that I'll drink if I can't get my own way. I've become a child and it's time to grow up and prove it by actions rather than pointless words. Just thought I'd share this because it's really hit home over the last few days. It's time to change!!
I agree that you do show great insight. Unfortunately trust is a hard-won thing once we have introduced doubt. Actions, however, will speak loudly. Keep staying sober and things will change dramatically!
Welcome! It's hard when we look in the mirror and finally see what's looking back at us...at least it was for me. The good news is that's it's the first and most important step to recovery.
I wish you luck on your recovery and the best for your future. You will get there.
I wish you luck on your recovery and the best for your future. You will get there.
Thank you for posting that. I too became selfish, childish, and manipulative so I could carve out the little cave of alcohol and drugs that had become my world. It helps to know I'm not alone in what I've experienced. I'm sure it helps others as well. Keep posting!
Not only is it time to change it sounds like to me you already have! That was the most honest and healthiest responses to that situation anyone could have. I hope you feel good about that TM!
One of my favorite sayings....the only difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.
You just did it!!! Keep going!
One of my favorite sayings....the only difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.
You just did it!!! Keep going!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 148
TM, thank you for your very honest and insightful post - and well done for being brave enough to confront your own behaviour and learn from it, instead of hiding behind excuses (or in a bottle or alcohol!)
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,963
I recognize those "King Baby" traits that I also had. I was a selfish, demanding king baby with no frustration tolerance.
"When infantile traits continue into adulthood, the person is spoken of as immature" and this immaturity is tied to the traits of feelings of omnipotence, inability to accept frustrations, and doing things hurriedly."- Tiebout
Knowing what to change is the first step. Knowing how to practice positive changes in your life is the next step.
"When infantile traits continue into adulthood, the person is spoken of as immature" and this immaturity is tied to the traits of feelings of omnipotence, inability to accept frustrations, and doing things hurriedly."- Tiebout
Knowing what to change is the first step. Knowing how to practice positive changes in your life is the next step.
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