Day One
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Nashville
Posts: 3
Day One
I have made a decision to stop drinking...yet again. For the past couple of months I have been really working on my relationship with God and amazing changes were starting to take place within myself. The realization that I cannot drink and be the person God created me to be has been on my mind; but I have been telling myself that if my other friends can drink then so can I. However, there is a big difference in the way I drink and my friends drink, I have zero control once it starts and I am so tired of feeling the way I feel right now. Disappointed, humiliated, depressed, anxious, hung-over, scared, humbled to know that it can actually get worse when you allow it to...
Last night I went out with a friend and made a complete fool of myself, but it was scary. For the first time ever, I had a complete lapse with reality. I don't know a lot of what happened because of my blackout, but I do know that the pain I have on the inside came out on a complete stranger that I accused of being something, he clearly was not. I feel terrible about how rude I was, how insulting I was and for putting my friend in this horrible situation. I am disgusted with my actions because that is not who I am, and knowing that I hurt someone else or made someone feel like they were less than makes me feel awful. And let's be completely honest - I hope I never have to see anyone from last night ever again --or better, I hope they never have to see me again! I consumed with guilt and shame.
So that being said, I know that it is going to continue to get worse for myself if I continue drinking any longer. I know this will be hard, but this is the first time I have ever said to myself..."No, this will not happen again" and truly admitted, out in the open that I have a serious problem with alcohol. I am scared that I will miss out on what God has in store for my life if I continue this way. I am taking active steps to begin a new life because this is not living.
Last night I went out with a friend and made a complete fool of myself, but it was scary. For the first time ever, I had a complete lapse with reality. I don't know a lot of what happened because of my blackout, but I do know that the pain I have on the inside came out on a complete stranger that I accused of being something, he clearly was not. I feel terrible about how rude I was, how insulting I was and for putting my friend in this horrible situation. I am disgusted with my actions because that is not who I am, and knowing that I hurt someone else or made someone feel like they were less than makes me feel awful. And let's be completely honest - I hope I never have to see anyone from last night ever again --or better, I hope they never have to see me again! I consumed with guilt and shame.
So that being said, I know that it is going to continue to get worse for myself if I continue drinking any longer. I know this will be hard, but this is the first time I have ever said to myself..."No, this will not happen again" and truly admitted, out in the open that I have a serious problem with alcohol. I am scared that I will miss out on what God has in store for my life if I continue this way. I am taking active steps to begin a new life because this is not living.
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