hopebutterfly

I plan to not drink tonight. I'm a functional night time only alcoholic, I live with my spouse who does not eve know I have the problem. It's been ten years now and I am beginning to have health concerns due to my drinking. I am at the point where I have to quit or I will end up dying form this. I think I've been able to continue because I am functional, but perhaps my health concerns will help me want to quit. Right now I am tying to think about the whole one day at a time thing, becuase I am afraid that I will just go back to drinking when I feel better, which sucks.

Some of it is habit, I self medicate at night with it. I'm not ready to be perfect about this, but just want to get through the night without drinking. Any suggestions would be very appreciated. How do I combat the desire? I am thinking of having tea and icecream instead, like I said, I am not ready to be perfect, but tea and icecream are better that 4 to 5 drinks! I may have sleep y tea to help me sleep tonight, or maybe benedryl Any other suggestions, I wish I didn't want to drink, but I do...Now I am just going to use will power to not stop by the store to get a bottle of wine. I scare myself...Hope I can do it. I would like to start a support group but it is hard to in a small community as I am a counselor and know many people. Yeah, I know, I should know better or know how to quit drining since I am a therapist, but the truth is that I might know some things, but my habits are stronger. I plan to seek individual counseling to help with this too.

Hevyn

Welcome hopebutterfly! I'm glad you've made the decision to look at what alcohol is doing to your life. It's good that you're going to see a counselor - and being here will be a huge help. You're not alone. Many of us have given up long term drinking habits and are so much happier and healthier. I can't believe I was so afraid to let go of it - it's great to be free.

Please keep posting and reading other's stories here - you'll find a lot of encouragement and support.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

It might help to look at it for what it is. An addiction. You can modify a bad habit. You tackle addiction a little differently. Good luck.

least

to the family! You'll find lots of support and useful info here. It's helped me stay sober over three years now, along with my addiction counselor.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you are stopping drinking and that you are ready for sobriety. One thing I would say to you is that stopping drinking is just the beginning. That's when the hard work begins. You've been self-medicating for many years, as I did. The problems are still there and you still need to deal with them. Planning for individual counselling is a very good idea.

trachemys

Looooove Sleepytime tea. Won't need it tonite due to lots of hard yardwork. Welcome to the lifeboat.

hopebutterfly

Thanks for all the encouraging responses, I didn't expect to hear from people that quickly. I went to work for about an hour then to the store, I realized, that the whole time I had it in my head "buying alcohol is not an option" It made me realize that so often I am on auto pilot, I just make sure I have drinks just like any other thing at the store. I know I need to talk with my partner about it, other wise he will offer me something. I feel good about being sober tonight, whenever I have been in the past, I feel so good the next day. I have been pretty depressed lately and have gained weight, which sucks since I have been fairly thin most of my life, now I'm 10 to 15 lbs over wight.

One of you shared that the hard stuff is really ahead since I have been self medicating, as a counselor I know the truth of that for sure! As those things come up I look forward to getting some support here and through counseling. Right now I think it will help me if I also pay attention to all the good that will come from this. I hope my body will heal, maybe I will loose weight just from stopping drinking, I eat healthy, so I have a feeling it's the drinks that put on this weight lately. I look forward to feeling better and and becoming wiser. Any stories about the good things that came to you guys? I guess I can find some of that in these forums. Thanks again for the support!!!

silentrun

I was on autopilot also. I didn't have to much of a desire the first month because I was so freaked out when I finally realized just what I was doing to myself. My health was suffering. My husband is a non drinker and he had no idea how much I was drinking. Don't be surprised if those around you tell you that you don't have a problem. That talk will get your AV going. Just remember they don't know the whole story. Just commit to the fact that you are not going to drink under any circumstances. You will lose that weight and your hair and skin will get better in time.

Heartfan82

Hi H-butterfly,

It feels so good to be sober; sometimes I actually feel giddy, so silly. Nobody seemed to ever be bothered by my drinking, but I got to where I was very bothered. I hate hangovers, such a waste of a good life.

So I quit. It's always between me and myself, the conflicts and deal making. So I'm being true to myself, and doing it for me and my health. (But others are getting the benefit, too, that's a bonus!)

Good luck on your journey, and your talk with your spouse....

hopebutterfly

I have experienced the same thing, no one bothered by my drinking, I've been good at making it look moderate, and if I was pretty drunk, I'd just shut down and stay quite for the most part. I HATE hangovers too, not just feeling bad but anxious and depressed feeling, like nothing is alright. I think I got used to them, unless I had a really bad one. Someone else said that it was scary and sad when they realized what they had been doing to themselves. I am feeling that recently. I've tried to quit before and go back to it. I don't want to this time, I need to be rid of this. I think this might be my last chance for my body to heal. I'll see a doctor soon, it's scary to admit this to a doctor but I know I need some help in that way too. Thanks for sharing, I am getting excited too, so maybe I will feel the giddiness you're talking about.

2granddaughters

Need support for sobriety I needed direction and strength to get and stay sober.

I found those 2 things in Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

misterritter

Funny thing about hangovers for me, was that i mostly liked them. Unless one was really bad, it was an additional 4 or 5 hours of escaping life.

I was also the first to realize how bad my drinking was. People, mostly just my wife, would realize I had too much from time to time, but I was very good at maintaining when I was drinking and hiding how much I was drinking. I think its a much better situation to be in if we have to convince other people we have a problem rather than having to need other people to convince us.

Good luck to you, its definitely not easy, as I have found out over the past 6 months, but I am still trying. Everyone has told me that is the important part, that we keep trying.

shirlygirly

Why start your own support group when AA's already available and waiting to help you?

As for you being a counselor, my sponsor's been a drug and alcohol counselor for eight years, but only has four years of sobriety. She frequently runs into former clients who have more sobriety and clean time than she does, and let me tell you that every time it happens, both parties get a kick out of it and find it more inspirational than anything! There's nothing to be ashamed of.

You need to get yourself to a meeting ASAP. Get lots of numbers while you're there and USE THEM. You'll be shocked by how generous everyone is and how willing they will be to help you.

And to get some sleep, try Yogi's bedtime tea. I have a terrible time sleeping, and 2-3 bags of this in a cup of tea or two lets me melt away and knocks me out in no time.

Hang in there!

hopebutterfly

I see my wording was awkward. What I meant was for me to begin attending a group, not start one of my own. I'm going to stick with my counselor until I feel I am ready, personally and professionally. Thanks for you're support!