DisappointedJ

Frus·trat·ed -> because girlfriend of a year and a half continues drinking after coming out of 21 day rehab and having a near death experience.

Would kick her out but:

• I know the answers and putting off the unavoidable
• She has established residency and I need to evict her
• She says she wants to stop drinking
• She's been to rehab once
• I love her
• I have hope
• I've paid one year rent up front
• She owes me money over $20k
• She's the love of my life, we get along with great ease

JCMalta

You can sit there choosing to live life in pain, or you can choose to take action and free yourself from the bondage.

Having written that I must say that probably I would have done the same like you, are you also an alcoholic? Stand up mate and show her who is wearing the pants.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Disspointed. Unfortunately many of the things on your list are beyond your control, as you've obviously learned from the last year and a half. Only she can stop drinking no mater how much time, money and love you try to share with her. And in fact some of it may just be enabling her to drink even though that's the complete opposite of what you intended.

Honestly at some point you may just have to give an ultimatum that either she stops drinking or doesn't live with you anymore - sorry to to say that but it looks like you've tried just about every other option.

DisappointedJ

I'm stone cold sober... Did grow up with an alcoholic pop.

I've already done the 'I'm leaving you thing', didn't work. The kick out thing I did where I took her keys, didn't work. She called the cops and said I locked her out, she claimed residency. The cops took a Domestic Incident Report (DIR). Basically, I'm stuck until I can move out without her knowing like her husband did four years ago.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a pretty unfortunate situation for both of you to be sure. You do mention that you "get along with ease" with her - is that in the past or present?

DisappointedJ

We get along great, when she is sober. Other times I go thru various emotions, become detached, enraged, angry so forth. She says that she heals when I'm kind. I've done the kind thing and her behavior remains the same, drunk.

I feel ****** that the situation I've set up enables her to drink. She works as a tarot card reader and always has cash at hand. The cash goes to me, the bank and the drink. Not much I can do. Pops, of course says cut her loose but I'm not able to, she calls the cops and claims abuse. She knows how to work the system.

ScottFromWI

Seems like there's probably not a good answer until at least the prepaid rent runs out. That is unless you can afford to just take your stuff, leave and get your own place.

goingtobesober

Wow... deja vu.

I've been in an almost identical relationship before I started drinking. Except for the amount of money she owed me, it was a lot less.

If you truly love her, you will do anything to help her and make it work. In my case, my only option ended up being breaking it off. And losing the money and stuff.

After a while she wasn't the love of my life I realized. I found someone else. Then I started drinking and it didn't work out because of my behavior.

You list a couple of things that are either the ways she's a burden or you loving her.

Pick one or the other. If she's the love of your life for real, do what you can. I would literally walk to the end of the world for those I love.

If she's a burden and just not your ideal woman, probably because of it, leave her. Make it a clean breakup and leave her being well off. Try to get as much of what's yours back and the rest are unfortunately your losses.

And next time pick a better woman to date.

Btw, in my experience, a woman might take the things she owes you to weasel herself back into your life based on selfish motives on her side. Don't fall for that if it happens.

I hope this helps.

DisappointedJ

The girlfriend has been on a mixture of meds for the past 20 days. The mixture of meds includes Baclofen to reduce alcohol craving, Prozac for depression and Hydroxyzine to reduce anxiety. She is totally normal. She claims to not crave and is totally repulsed by the idea of drinking. It seems like a medical wonder that her behavior has changed completely.

From where we were to where we are now is remarkable.

For now we are back to normal.

We'll take a wait and see approach over the long term.