cr995

My Husband filed for divorce last year after I told him I was not coming back to him while he was still drinking. He and I both had brief relationships with someone else which soon ended. I don't want to get divorced at the moment - I've just got used to living alone - been together since we were 16 and are now 47.

Yet this divorce is the thing that he goes on and on about. He just seems to be using it as a threat but yet at the same time he is going through the motions - all be it slowly. His drinking I believe is even worse and there is no longer anyone willing to act as intermediary between us.

This is my question why does he keep banging on about this divorce - it really upsets me and is not something that ever bothered him in the past. I was the one who wanted us to get married nearly 28 years ago - his attitude is - these things dont matter its a piece of paper. So why is he so hell bent on this particular piece of paper now?

Anna

It could be that he just wants to move on. If you've told him you're not coming back to him while he's drinking, it sounds like he may want to continue drinking.

Hopefully things won't happen too fast, so that you will both have time to talk things through.

least

If he doesn't want to be married to you anymore, just let him go. It seems he chose alcohol over you anyway. I'd let him move on with his life and I'd move on with mine.

Crimson88

But you obviously love him? are there kids involved? If no is the love important???
I like to think that any relationship is important

Richierich777

His drinking got worse means he chose to drink and not you. Honestly it's sad but it is the truth. it's scary but it will probably be much better. Think about it.

cr995

Thanks for the comments. Yes I do love him but he seems to be the only person that can't see this. In fact at the moment he keeps saying how he knows I never loved him or wanted him. Yes we have kids who are upset but say they can see how unreasonable he's being and keep telling me to just ignore him.

Crimson88

I think a lot of us have been in his situation where we prioritise drinking to anything else. Ask him: if you never loved him then why would YOU still be with him?

cr995

At the moment I am trying not to communicate with him. He switches from being co-operative about getting our house sold and dividing the profits, to accusing me of condeming our dog to death if the house is sold. I am not sure what to do. When I tried agreeing with the divorce when he first mentioned it he said I had no honour and did not appreciate him.

He keeps asking me to sign divorce papers but as he filed on grounds of desertion he does not actually need my signature - to say I am baffled is putting it mildly.

deeker

Just remember if he is drinking , he is not emotionally stable and his thoughts are most likely not consistent. I really didn't know what I wanted when I was out there. Someone suggested you go to Al- anon. They will show you how to detach from his instability. God Bless!

cr995

Yes I do go to Alanon- since June, and I have been told about detaching, it does seem to be my only option. I just wondered on this side of the fence what's going on with him, but I think you've answered my question - emotional instability maybe.

DryRoastJim

Let him go. It seems to me that he is trying to manipulate you in some twisted sense. You don't need this and in some ways this could be a blessing in disguise. No one likes to have a relationship fail, but this is a toxic relationship that is destine to fail no matter what.

My dad is an alcoholic (if he is still alive) and my mom went through pretty much what you are going through. But she realized that it was time to let him go. Our family did have some rough spots, but all in all we are much healthier now that drunken bum is out of our lives.

You are still plenty young enough to be able to stand on your own two feet, you will be able to make a great new life for yourself. And with the knowledge from your previous marriage, you'll also know what to avoid in a future relationship.

I wish you all the best!!