flujays

Hey Mizzuno, I hope you feel better soon. I too can relate to this feeling of being lost and alone. Never quite knowing if you will succeed at long term sobriety or not. Never quite knowing if and when the ugly beast will show it's face again and trick you into using and what horrors that may bring. I'm not sure quite where you are in your sobriety journey, but I know I feel like this and it's early days. The loneliness and feeling like you don't know where you are in the world i think is all part of it as so many people here describe knowing all about it. Feeling isolated is most definitely a common theme. Keep soldiering on though, you can do this, we all can if we just keep going and reminding ourselves why wer're here, yes, the whole ugly truth, the humiliations, the health problems, the broken homes, the financial ruins, the jobs lost, the friends gone, the DUIs, the violent outbursts and all the stuff we can't remember because of the blackouts. I know I've gotten a little off track but i think it's prudent to remind us all of stuff from time to time so we remember why we're all here. I remember many years ago when I lost someone very dear to me. It was about that time I started drinking heavily and do you know what I suddenly kept on asking myself? Why am I here? It seems to me that when you are at a critical time in your life, it seems common that we ask ourselves this unanswerable question. I used to think am I here to go to work each day, come home, take a shower, have dinner and go to bed and then get up and do it all again tomorrow? Is that all I'm here for? I now know, that is not what I was here for but it took a very long time for me to make peace with that question. You are going to be ok, you have to believe that and your life's purpose will one day dawn on you like it did on me. We are all here for a reason, we just have to find out what it is.

Mizzuno

Flujays- Thank you ! I feel better. I was thinking and pondering. To much of that can be bad I suppose. I am a thinker though. I will discover my purpose.....I know it will come. Being able to write it out and to process and see that others have felt the same is comforting. This feeling is not unique.....this feeling and these thoughts are shared by many. I guess it is all the more reason to share and to welcome others into the conversation. We are all so connected.