breakfree22

Hello fellow recoverers. My husband came across this website trying to find help in understanding my drinking problem. I am grateful for that. Well, its only been two days for me. Ive had a drinking problem my entire adult life. It never was all the time. I could go for months, sometimes years without boozing. But, when I met that booze again, it had complete control. I needed to drink until I couldnt remember anything. And every time I did, I would turn into such a cruel person towards my husband. Always blaming him for my drinking, my problems when, in reality, I had this problem before we'd even met.
Last year I discovered that my husband had had an affair. I struggle every day with that, but it seemed like enough time had passed that I deserved to have a drink. It became ugly very quickly. Drinking empowers me, and finally I was able to scream and yell all of the horrible things at him.
The last straw was waking up at 5 a.m with state troopers knocking on my door, sent by a concerned family member after I had told them that I didnt feel like living anymore. Waking up to that, and realizing that I was alone in my home. My husband had taken the kids and gotten a hotel room.
I feel so ashamed and lost. I really want our marriage to work. I hope that I can just stay sober. But, how then, do I rid myself of all this anger? How can I ever assure my husband know how much I love him, after all of the hateful things Ive said? I only said them because of how much I hurt inside!How do I make things better again?

deeker

First thing you have to do is get sober. Are you finally defeated? Are you done? Have you any reservations which make you think you can drink safely ever again? When you have answered those questions honestly, then you need to make a plan.

Find an AA meeting in your area or check out other routes to recovery. You will not be able to fix your life overnight and it will never be fixed as long as you are drinking.

Once you begin working on your recovery with a support group of some kind, you will be on your way.

Your hubby has to see a consistent effort on your part to get well. Empty promises do not fly.

I am sorry doesn't fly, there has got to be change on your part. Take the first step. Google meetings in your area. God Bless!

Richierich777

I agree with the comments above. If you want your family back you have to be truthful to yourself and them. Do it by steps. Seek help if husband loves you then he will understand you need the help. So do it now and don't blow it off. Welcome to SR

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I also became I woman that I hated when I drank, and I know how you feel.

You really need to focus on stopping drinking and recovering. There is lots of support here at SR, so I hope that you continue to read and post.

There are healthy ways to rid yourself of the anger you feel. Exercise is a great way to help yourself get through this. Journalling was also very helpful to me.

You can't convince your husband that you love him right now. As hard as it is, you need to find patience and allow your husband the time to see the changes that will occur in you and your behaviour. You can do this.

least

I had a lot of help stopping drinking from my counselor. Is counseling possible for you? I agree that your actions will speak louder than your words. If your husband sees you making positive changes in yourself he may come to believe in you again and trust you. All the best to you.

2granddaughters

Things got better for me when I committed to AA.

All the best.

Bob R

HappyDestiny3

To a great beginning to all those questions you just asked...

You will find a lot of great support here..

I myself found the way to a joyous,happy, and free life without alcohol through the great way of AA... There are other roads so please stick around and keep reading and posting..

You are not alone..

breakfree22

I am so grateful for all of you people here that can relate. Ive decided that I need to start attending a.a. meetings again. Only problem today is that I am feeling so overwhelmed with emotions...that I may just go into a meeting tonight and sob the whole time! Would that be awful for the other ppl at the mtng?

LadyinBC

Nope it wouldn't. It helps us remember our pain too and it is very theraputic to cry. It's good for the soul. Meetings are the only place I can really be myself and let the emotions out.

deeker

Oh My Gosh, you will feel so good when you leave that meeting after a good cry. You will get a lot of support. And feel some hope! I kinda wish I was in your place cuz you are gonna feel so much better after that cry. kidding, but you will feel a lot better. Let them tears flow!!

HappyDestiny3

I hope you went ..

Richierich777

Shoot I went to my first AA meeting and I'm glad I showed my self by letting out my feeling and giving myself up that night. Yeah I did cry and I didn't care but people at least came up to me and new I was honest in being there and to stop drinking.