New here
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
New here
I have been reading through this forum for a few weeks, learning a lot and trying to put this new knowledge toward staying sober. I had 12 days but relapsed last night. I don't know why. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew it wasn't what I wanted. It was bewildering. It felt like something had snatched me up and was dragging me along with it. I woke up this morning in a sorry state and finally understood that I can't do this alone and in secret. I called my doctor and arranged for a counselor to call me on Monday, called my best friend and told her what's going on, and I finally registered here. It's humiliating to admit that I've been drinking like this. I'm very hard on myself and feel like I should know better. I DO know better. My father was a severe alcoholic, and I know exactly what that does to a person and a family. I have a good husband, a beautiful daughter, a stable job, a comfortable home, and my health, and I am terrified that I am going to lose everything. I am really grateful to have found you guys. So much of what I read on this board I could have written myself, and thank goodness because it is clear to me that I cannot keep trying to do this alone.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
to the family! It sure helps to know you're not alone in this. I drank like that too, knowing it was wrong and bad but did it anyway.
But with the help of this site and my counselor I've stayed sober over three years now.
You can do this! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 169
Welcome 
My recent relapse was bad, too. I knew what I was doing, how horrible it was, and I did it anyway. I actually walked to the corner store in the rain, realized I had forgotten my wallet, walked back home to get it, and then got the beer. I was shivering and soaked and angry by the time I got home, near tears, and I still chugged that beer like it was mother's milk. It's a messed up disease.
Glad to have you here sorting it out with us!
My recent relapse was bad, too. I knew what I was doing, how horrible it was, and I did it anyway. I actually walked to the corner store in the rain, realized I had forgotten my wallet, walked back home to get it, and then got the beer. I was shivering and soaked and angry by the time I got home, near tears, and I still chugged that beer like it was mother's milk. It's a messed up disease.
Glad to have you here sorting it out with us!
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