used AGAIN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: cape town
Posts: 59
used AGAIN
Hi everyone. I last used on Friday night ...then on Sat was clean. And on Sun.
But I didn't go to meetings. This morning I did not get up! I was so depressed.
The main thing that's making me sad is that I used to work at the print shop in the
Valley and my boss and I started seeing each other and we both knew it wasn't
A wise idea and etc, so we are sort of still
2gether but I told him I cldnt continue working there.
I thought my troubles with social snxiety and the trouble
I have with dealing with ppl was over. Well I'm not explaining
It properly coz it's not so relevant now, I mean it is but the main
Point is I wanted to post and say I used again coz I want this to
Be a supportive place for me. I did go to a meeting today tho
I just wish I would go when I'm sober.
I just don't know what to DO with myself - I'm a terrible problem
To my myself. But this thing with my boss and all has wounded
Me greatly. I'm so disappointed$ I'm so so so SO disappoimted
That I can't work there anymore. It is such a mess. And we were
Staying 2gether and when I wake up alone in the this room I'm
Renting and he is not here then I feel so sick with heartsoreness.
I'm still going to work on weekends.
Thx for readin
g ps. I wld write more if I was usimg a pc.
But I didn't go to meetings. This morning I did not get up! I was so depressed.
The main thing that's making me sad is that I used to work at the print shop in the
Valley and my boss and I started seeing each other and we both knew it wasn't
A wise idea and etc, so we are sort of still
2gether but I told him I cldnt continue working there.
I thought my troubles with social snxiety and the trouble
I have with dealing with ppl was over. Well I'm not explaining
It properly coz it's not so relevant now, I mean it is but the main
Point is I wanted to post and say I used again coz I want this to
Be a supportive place for me. I did go to a meeting today tho
I just wish I would go when I'm sober.
I just don't know what to DO with myself - I'm a terrible problem
To my myself. But this thing with my boss and all has wounded
Me greatly. I'm so disappointed$ I'm so so so SO disappoimted
That I can't work there anymore. It is such a mess. And we were
Staying 2gether and when I wake up alone in the this room I'm
Renting and he is not here then I feel so sick with heartsoreness.
I'm still going to work on weekends.
Thx for readin
g ps. I wld write more if I was usimg a pc. 
dysfunctional 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Yeah, it HURTS. I KNOW it hurts. I feel like a dead man walking, but I'M NOT DEAD YET. I am walking upright. I am being spit on and railed at, and a lot of it is coming from me. But I am walking upright and SOBER. I drank at work again last Friday. I did not get fired, but the consequences and facing my boss and coworkers is excruciatingly stressful. My wife hasn't filed for the divorce, but I am treated with scorn and rebuke. I did not do anything mean or hurtful, but I drank AGAIN, and that must be enough to cause anger and accusation out of their pain and disbelief. I know it gets better, I have walked through it and out of it before...but I drank AGAIN...I am walking upright and SOBER, but I feel like a dead man walking. I am NOT Dead Yet, and I have not given up on myself.
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