ClearLight

I spent over a decade as a bartender and one thing I learned was this:
Bars are terrible places to socialize. The social activity there is relentlessly low grade and dumber than dumb.
If you REALLY want to socialize a bar is the absolute worst place to go.
If you're in the US you could try this web site or a thousand other places.
Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

This may sound harsh but I really only found decent socializing outside of bars - and I was a pro!

coffeetogo

Thanks clearlight. I need to get my head together and start look for better places than bars to hang out in.

Michael66

For me, I know it's safest to generally avoid bars. Sometimes I do go (usually for a work get together) but I wouldn't make it regular. I avoided bars altogether for 6 months, until I was very confident I wouldn't drink any alcohol.

ScottFromWI

You've gotten a lot of good advice already, i'd add that "bars" is kind of broad term as well. Just like people, every bar is different. Some are pretty much solely designed for people to come and get drunk...I worked in/visited several during my life. You know the ones, all-you-can-drink night, pitcher night, progressive happy hour night - every night some way to get good and liqoured up on the cheap. No food, no games, just stools and lots of bartenders.

Then there are bars that are also restaurants, or music venues, etc. Sometimes the focus of said places ISNT just about getting drunk, and there are actually people who have never drank in their lives who go there to do things other than drink.

Granted I"d probably avoid any of them ( and I did ) for several weeks after quitting initially - but you can probably visit some of the 2nd type at some point in your sobriety. And most likely, you'll find that visiting the first type doesn't even cross your mind anymore.

Most importantly, congrats on Day 3 and your decision to quit. Focus on that now...the social stuff will take care of itself later.

coffeetogo

Thank you both!

I can do this.....

julez

Honestly, for me to go to a bar and not drink is easier for me to do than stay at home and not drink. Sounds backwards, but I've had a lot of experience being a DD, and so now when I go, its ok.
Sitting home, bored, with the family stress surrounding me? Oh yeah. Huge trigger.

ClearLight

Good Luck with it Coffee - I'm on Day Four myself!

FeenixxRising

I have similar issues Coffee. I won't be going into any bar for a long time, a few months at least. However, my work will take me to hotels that have bars--that will be tough enough. But I'll just be walking by them, not going in. IMO, going into a bar for any length of time is a bad idea if you've not been sober for a few months.

Still, I know how you feel. I ask myself how I'll have fun and enjoy a social life. I don't have the exact answer just yet, but I'll figure it out. And frankly, being bored is better than being stinking drunk and acting like a fool.

coffeetogo

Thanks clearlight. All the best to you!

fantail

I think it's different for everyone. I'm at 27 days. I'm single and in my late twenties, so social events tend to involve alcohol and are also a really important part of my social life. My approach from the start has been to add, not subtract, to my social calendar. So I do a lot more sober activities (like movies, bike rides, etc) with friends, but I still attend the parties and bar events that I used to. I know for a lot of people that would be too much temptation... but I felt for me (knowing myself) that the bigger risk would be feeling isolated and left out. And frankly I've had plenty of fun drinking ginger ale at the bar, surprisingly! I may not stay quite as long as I used to, but I don't find it to be too tempting.

LadyinBC

I personally stay out of bars or pubs. I don't need to set myself up for failure. Especially at the beginning of my sobriety. I had so many emotions the first 3 weeks, I was angry, resentful and probably would have been pissed to sit there and watch people drink while I couldn't.

Good friends will understand if you don't want to serve alcohol. I know I wouldn't have as I don't need the extra stress. Maybe in time I can. I'm okay going to a restaurant and if my friend wants a glass of wine, I'm okay with that. However if I told her it bothered me she wouldn't have one.

Yes, I know it is my issue, but in the beginning we need all the support we can get. And really good friends will be supportive and cut us some slack.

flutter

I don't hang out in bars, and I don't serve alcohol at my house unless someone brings their own and wants to drink it/share it. I'm a non drinker, I don't have an interest in flirting that closely with something that almost killed me.

pluginjug

I avoided bars for a long time. Too tempting. For about 3 or 4 years I saw almost every movie that was released in the theater (and still spent far less than I did drinking).

These days I'll go to a bar if with my wife and friends who want to go to a lounge. My wife and friends aren't alcoholic. This rarely happens, but I don't mind. I certainly wouldn't go on my own and sit at the bar for hours nursing a diet Coke.

avocado

i see and play live music all the time so I'm in bars and clubs frequently. I also enjoy going to nicer places like cool clubs or bar and grills with decent food when my friends are going. As far as 'dive bars' go, I have no interest, and especially if they're places that allow smoking. Since i don't smoke I don't want my clothes reeking of cigarettes. I think everyone's different. Personally, I'm not the least bit tempted when I'm at a bar or have any residual temptations afterwards. I'd say just remain aware of your own thoughts and if it starts to become too much, leave.

coffeetogo

Great advice, thanks.