LexieCat

Well, you could blindfold yourself so you don't know where you are taking you.

That could be ALMOST as dangerous as driving drunk, though.

Or you could tell yourself that if you're really lucky, someone might bring cookies.

Or you could stop making a federal case out of it and just GO. Nobody is going to handcuff you to the chair. There are no painful physical procedures involved--no rubber gloves or needles. No embarrassing initiation rituals. You walk in, sit down, and listen.

Seriously.

JasonBasin

Wow, I went to work and came back to some amazing replies and some that challenged my 'poor me'! I think the idea of 'tricking me' is to avoid a rock bottom...but like I said previously (and I think I really believe in this) I think I am a functional alcoholic and it is no great thing, just means I am incredibly devious...I think I would die before losing my job and ironically the more I drink the better I am?!!! The alcoholic insomnia makes me proper productive...

Cut a long story short I think I have 3 options...

1) Go (Unlikely I always have an excuse).
2) Call AA and swallow some pride and ask if someone could take me to my first meeting). Preferred option.
3)Stay in this forum and keep talking as it feels like a safe place to get me to my first meeting...I know that sounds like I don't want to go but maybe I just have another separate process going on until I properly confront this? Maybe talking in this this forum is my 'trick'?

Do you know the funny thing, one of my justifications for continuing drinking is that I am doing a Masters degree in September and my alcoholic brain is telling me to keep drinking through this course so that I have the grandiosity of a drinker and perform well!!! Doughnut!

Anyway thanks for the messages...Jason.

Coldfusion

Well, Jason, you really missed an excellent meeting last night.

The meeting is called Mindfulness. We take down the posters that mention God, and pass around alternate versions of the twelve steps. Last night, the topic was "Listening." At the end of the meeting, a person who was not very mindful started saying a prayer aloud, but we don't do that at the Monday meeting.

Tonight is another special meeting--very different.

And you'd better hurry if you want to come incognito. Our meetings are currently next door to the pet shop, so you can wander in pretending you're looking for dog food. But Thursday, we move back to the parish hall...

JasonBasin

Thanks for that I use Mindfullness with my dementia patients! It is awesome!!!

But Washington is a bit too far from me as I am Norfolk in the UK! Thanks for kind words!

Gforce23

Hi there Jason,

I feel ya. It took me a long time to work up the nerve (or whatever) to go. I think part of not wanting to go to A.A, even when you know you have a problem, is that you feel committed--and even though you might intellectually "know" you have a problem, you might not be willing just yet to commit--and you feel responsible toward people in the group once you get to know them, and you don't want to let them down. At least, that's what I think it was for me. I had bounced in and out of A.A long ago, and I vowed not to go back unless I was REALLY serious. In any case, a bout a month and a half ago, I woke up in my bed not remembering how I got there, not being able to move because of a splitting headache and severe nausea. My husband had to take our son to school because I was in no shape to do it. As the day wore on, things got worse, and I was starting to shake and suffer from severe anxiety. Now, I don't do this myself every other day, but enough. Enough, is enough. So, I just got in the car the next day and showed up at a meeting. I sat in the corner, and passed on sharing. I didn't give myself the option of opting out, and I went back to another meeting. The rest is history.

So, in short, you just go. Don't over think it.

You can do it!

CaiHong

Jason it sounds like you haven't really embraced step one of the 12 step program.

I suggest that you read the BB, read about alcoholism as much as you can and the detrimental effects.
it worried me when you said you perform better when drinking. It may be the case but you won't be able to perform at all if you are dead.

Your fear is not AA but the fear of never drinking again. That is what most of us fear when we first get sober, my fear now is that I will.

Take real care Jason
CaiHong

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org and listen to Sandy B.

He has a simple explanation of the steps

fallingtogether

Jason, best of luck whatever u decide, but the big book was written in thirties, and ill be, Billy's story is striking to part of what you said. Don't be afraid of it, just pick it up and read it in the privacy of your own home.

fallingtogether

That's Bill's story.... Sorry auto corrected!

Poppyhead

Omg! You don't have to trick yourself darlin! Just go! I used to go even when I hated it! I used to go and tell everyone I didn't want to be there and I would MF them all. They understood and told me to keep coming back, so I did. Lol. I used to go sometimes and just sit on the floor. I can't remember ever once leaving a meeting and not feeling better! EVER!

YouRmySunshine

One thing they stress in our treatment, is do not begin this journey on a lie. Be Honest, With yourself. Including sobriety dates, relapse, triggers, etc.
Nice thing about AA meetings is all you have to do is WALK THROUGH THOSE DOORS, Then sit down, say "Im Jason I'm an alcoholic"

Nothing else, just listen if you want.

Poppyhead

Last night I went to a meeting. I made sure I had someone pick me up so I didn't cancell. This works for me.

Louise82

Tell yourself that there'll be lots of hot women there that you can use as eye candy.

I'm not condoning thirteenth stepping but I always find meetings go a little quicker for me if there's something nice to look at, you know? If a hot guy is doing the chair or sharing, it gives me an excuse to stare at him for a few minutes without looking like a stalker, lol.








I'm only half-joking.

Seriously, though. There are lots of meetings in Norwich. Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) Great Britain There's one tonight at 8pm. If you want to go to it, don't think about it for the next 2 hours. Just get ready and then leave at 7.30 or 7.45 or whatever, without thinking too hard about what you're doing.

ACT10Npack

Have you ever thought about SOS or Rational Recovery meetings?

Coldfusion

Two more nights have passed, two more great meetings.

Have you been yet?

JasonBasin

No. But I do feel closer to going. Someone questioned if I had really accepted that I powerless to alcohol and I would reply yes, I get that I really do...but it does not logically follow that we all decide to do something about it...but I can feel something changing from the massive amount of responses I have received. I feel closer to 'going'...

Should I force a rock bottom? I am good at staying just above 'rock bottom'!!!

awuh1

IMO Jason you are suffering from the classic sort of ambivalence that many of us had when problems with drinking forced us to think seriously about stopping. On the one hand there was the desire to be done with problems that alcohol created, but on the other, there were all the benefits that we were not prepared to give up. I languished in that state for far too many years.

What I did not know (and could not have known because I would not have believed it) was that life would be so much better without the drink. Not during the initial period of withdrawal (that was quite difficult) and not even so much in the first months of not drinking. It was in the longer run, gradually, and when the fog completely lifted and I could see (and do) things that were impossible while drinking.

I went to a meeting last night and someone said “you have to be done”. It does not sound like you are, but I hope you get there soon.

Rosie199

Okay so I know everyone's saying "Don't trick yourself" but I totally did last night. It was my first meeting ever (on day five today) and I told myself that I was just going to an open Newcomers meeting as a "social experiment."

I wanted to see what it was about, who actually goes and if they're anything like me.

I found a room of a lot of people. A lot of people laughing and ... Actually f'ing happy. I couldn't figure out why all these admitted alcoholics were HAPPY. All I know is that I'm not. So I'm going again tonight in the hopes that they'll drop their secret.

Hope you go and find a good meeting. The scariest and best part was going 15 mins early and sitting next to a girl outside. She was friendly and I told her I was new. Just like a kid in elementary school I asked if I could sit with her. I'm impressed with the community. Don't fully get it yet, but it's interesting enough for me to revisit. Hope you find the strength, Jason. I discovered people really do care and actually want to help.

2granddaughters

Depends on how good your grip is ... and how much pain you are willing to suffer.

Some die when they hit bottom.

You certainly are getting a first-hand look at your disease, aren't you.


All the best, Jason.

Bob R

tomsteve

ive heard all of this "my bottom" and "rock bottom" stuff a lot, but i dont see how much lower the bottom can get than death.
it is your decision when ya want to get off the elevator and use the steps back up. i will guarantee that if ya force a "rock bottom", everything will get worse. i will guarantee that if ya get off the elevator and use the steps, everything will get better.

this is alcoholism we are dealing with; cunning,baffling,powerful,patient, and deadly.
russian roulette is a game i am greatful to not be playing any more.