Dynamicon2

I am lost at this point and don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I used heroin together for the past 5 mOnths and I recently got clean and was doing great until he decided not to quit and continue using. He tried to quit but have in. I was so angry and losing it it seemed. He says his intentions are to quit but it doensnt seem that way at times. I want tO be here for him but I also want to stay clean which is getting hard right now since its always around. I cry and scream at him tell him I will leave him if he doesn't stop but it seems like he promises me what I want then will go score the next day. I don't want to be a hypocritic because I still use with him occasionally but I know if he stopped I would too. I want this out of our lives and don't know what to do. I'm sure many of you will tell me to leave him but easier said Than done. I love him and want to see him get better. We are not your typical addicts. We both Have great jobs and have not hit Rock bottom.

suki44883

Lots and lots of addicts have great jobs and haven't yet hit rock bottom. Quitting heroin is hard in itself, but living with someone who still uses makes it even harder. You must decide what you want. Is it more important to stay with an active addict than to do whatever is necessary to keep yourself clean? Only you can answer that question.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Dynamicon2

I really think recovery needs to be a personal responsibility - your recovery can't depend on his, and vice versa...it just doesn't work like that.

The buck has to stop with us. There are situations and temptations for all of us, nearly everyday in the early days.

If you want to stay clean...stay clean.

If your relationship is impeding that, then you have some major thinking to do.
you'll find a lot of support here.

D

janiebluebird

If you want to quit but are choosing to put yourself around someone who is still using, you're not taking it seriously. Be real with yourself. Also - what is rock bottom to you? You want to wait and find out? Using heroin will get you there swiftly if you let it. The earlier the stop, the better of a chance you have. I have had friends who used heroin have their lives ruined. They did things they never, ever could have imagines themselves doing. I have never tried it but from people who I've known (close ones, family member, friend), it is an addiction like no other. Save yourself NOW. You have NO idea what you are doing to yourself for the sake of a romantic relationship.

Anna

I think many typical addicts have great jobs and haven't hit rock bottom. Many people are able to see the path they are taking is a very dangerous one and then stop using/drinking.

Of course you want your boyfriend to get better, but he needs to want that for himself. The only thing you can is to work on your own recovery and maybe your example will be helpful to him. Focus on you.

Carlotta

Hi Dynamicon

Welcome to SR. I agree with the other posters, ultimately you are responsible for your own recovery and he is responsible for his. You might have to make some hard choices.
As far as having a great job and not having hit rock bottom, unfortunately some heroin addicts never get to hit bottom. Over 20 years ago, I worked with another young woman who had everything going for her. We had a great job in a good company, she was cute, smart and nice. She had friends, bf, people who loved her. She never hit bottom. After stopping for a few months, she shot up again and Oded. She was only 24.

LadyinBC

It boils down to how important is your sobriety to you? Your focus should be on you, and his focus should be on him.

Hanna

Hi Dynamicon,
Welcome to SR. I have particular compassion for people that are both quitting and trying to deal with an addicted loved one at the same time. One or the other is hard enough. I would have thought that anyone dealing with addiction first hand would automatically know how to deal with a loved one that is addicted but I learned here at SR that I was absolutely incorrect about that.

Have you checked out the friends and family forum? You can get some great support there from people that are going through or have already navigated very similar situations.

I'm going to say a prayer for you and your BF after I hit post. Hope that you will stick around here and be a part of SR. It is a very good place.

Peace,
Hanna

FenwayFaithful

There is no such thing as a "typical addict" and every addict starts out one way or another many have great jobs, a great future lined up, a family, friends, a clean criminal record...that is until the drug addiction takes over, which because it's progressive, it eventually will. Not to mention the legal trouble you're risking by buying/using an illegal substance to begin with.
Even being where you are in life, with a job and not at your bottom, I bet you're not where you could be or would be if you weren't using at all. I think drugs/alcohol hold us back a lot more than we are aware of in early sobriety or when we were actively using or drinking.
And I can tell you from experience you aren't going to get clean or sober being around someone whose still using. It's too much stress, too much temptation. But you can't make him quit either. Believe me there I've been with an addict and nothing I did was going to make him choose not to use. His drug use landed him in jail, again
And it sent me into a downward spiral.
It sounds to me like this guy, despite how much you love him, is holding you back, you want to get clean but you haven't because you've used with him. What it really comes down to is what's most important to you. Getting clean or spending your time invested in a relationship that really just has no chance of ending well.
You BOTH have separate individual work to do on yourself before you can have a successful relationship with anyone
I'm sorry if I seem short at all in this post. Or if I seem abrasive. I'm on Day 1 myself so...I guess I'm a little mentally all over the place. But I've been in your situation and I just know it's never good.