It worked so well, I'll try it again tomorrow
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
It worked so well, I'll try it again tomorrow
I have to be in constant, and I mean almost constant contact with my higher power.
I guess just aware that he is there and me being aware of my thoughts and behaviors .
Am I thinking or acting out in behaviors that will likely lead me back to the drink . Am I romancing the drink .
Am I being honest today with my sponsor, with everyone in my life .
Some days I don't always live up to the values I aspire to .
Some days I get complacent and don't always use the tools of the program . I always use one or two but
I may neglect others .
Like I love coming online to meetings and going to different recovery sites to read blogs .
I have noticed that I don't always read as much as I should out of The Big Book .
I usually have good days but there is not a day that goes by when I don't say to myself you could have done more .
You could of had even more peace . You could of been more loving and helpful .
You should have done this and you should have done that .
But I am tallying up days again and I know I am spiritually fit .
Well at least for today . Tomorrow I might binge on cookies and try to avoid some feelings as I still escape from time to time .
The good thing is that today I do have a program, and I have a conscious and I have a ton of fear about going out there again .
There is nothing good waiting out there for me .
I know I will not make it back this time . I had all the yets! The jails plural, institutions plural, suicide attempts plural .
Relapsing on Cough medicine in December was terrifying enough .
I felt this invisible wall go up between me and my higher power and all the guilt and shame came back just like that .
I felt spiritually empty and I regretted it so much .
I made it back within 6 hrs with the love of another alkie who loved me back .
Today I did what I was told . Talked to my sponsor, went to a meeting face to face, read literature, did service and most importantly maintained a conscious contact with my higher power .
It worked so well I think I'll try it again tomorrow .
I guess just aware that he is there and me being aware of my thoughts and behaviors .
Am I thinking or acting out in behaviors that will likely lead me back to the drink . Am I romancing the drink .
Am I being honest today with my sponsor, with everyone in my life .
Some days I don't always live up to the values I aspire to .
Some days I get complacent and don't always use the tools of the program . I always use one or two but
I may neglect others .
Like I love coming online to meetings and going to different recovery sites to read blogs .
I have noticed that I don't always read as much as I should out of The Big Book .
I usually have good days but there is not a day that goes by when I don't say to myself you could have done more .
You could of had even more peace . You could of been more loving and helpful .
You should have done this and you should have done that .
But I am tallying up days again and I know I am spiritually fit .
Well at least for today . Tomorrow I might binge on cookies and try to avoid some feelings as I still escape from time to time .
The good thing is that today I do have a program, and I have a conscious and I have a ton of fear about going out there again .
There is nothing good waiting out there for me .
I know I will not make it back this time . I had all the yets! The jails plural, institutions plural, suicide attempts plural .
Relapsing on Cough medicine in December was terrifying enough .
I felt this invisible wall go up between me and my higher power and all the guilt and shame came back just like that .
I felt spiritually empty and I regretted it so much .
I made it back within 6 hrs with the love of another alkie who loved me back .
Today I did what I was told . Talked to my sponsor, went to a meeting face to face, read literature, did service and most importantly maintained a conscious contact with my higher power .
It worked so well I think I'll try it again tomorrow .
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