New & Nervous
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
New & Nervous
Hi everyone,
I'm a 26 year old female, and I recently made the decision to quit drinking. Over the past 4 years, I've ruined so many opportunities for myself. Jobs, relationships, friendships, etc, all because I am unable to stop drinking once I start. I feel almost like I'm "too young" to have to quit, but at the same time, I know that I've tried to just "cut back" before, and it never ever has lasted.
I am very concerned as to how I'm really going to be able to do this. I started off by only drinking on weekends, but over the years, after working as a bartender, and then becoming a stage performer (sang and played drums for an Irish drinking band, performed for pubs at Ren Fests, started doing theater and cabaret), drinking became a part of my daily life. It was a social, happy thing. It was a romantic thing I enjoyed with my ex-fiancee (drinking killed that pretty quickly), and it was a social thing, as well as a cure for my anxiety.
Over the past year and a half, it got out of control. My current boyfriend is in a major band, and although he is not a big drinker himself, everyone else in the crowd is. We lived with an alcoholic who was a bartender, and would begin every morning with whiskey. I followed suit. I've since left that house, but I became a wine-o. I love wine, everything about it, the tastings, the culture, but even though I could barely afford the good stuff (I'm living on gigs), I started getting the really cheap awful stuff, and was drinking at LEAST a bottle a day, by myself, sometimes even replacing meals.
The way I recently described this to my boyfriend, is that I used to see life in vivid colour, and would get pleasure out of the simplest things. Now, it's like my life is desaturated completely, and only a buzz starts to bring the colour back. Everything revolved around when I'd get my next bottle.
I started being known as the one who would get ********* if we went out. I got to the point where I'd drink so much every day/night that I was literally wetting myself constantly, and more humiliatingly, even with my boyfriend in the bed.
I want the old me back, the one who could get excited about going to a tea place and trying a new flavour, and drawing all night. The me that didn't need a shot before going on stage. I want to TASTE and FEEL and SEE the beauty of life again, without needing this liquid to make it better. I talked to my old friend the other day, and he said "I KNOW you used to have everything together, I saw it in you years ago, I know you can do it."
I believe I can do this. I beat an eating disorder I had for almost 10 years and have found a passion for cooking and eating right. I'm just afraid of the things I'll miss. Wine club tastings, a Guinness while watching Hockey. Champagne on special occasions. I said to my boyfriend that this hasn't been a long enough addiction, and maybe I'm young enough that someday down the road, I'll be able to enjoy an occasional glass again, like I USED to. He said if I'm this addicted, I probably never can again. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. Why do the rest of my friends get to responsibly drink, yet I just CAN'T? I want to get better for my own health. I do. I just don't want to have to quit forever, although I know that's what I need to do for now. I don't remember the last day I didn't have at least one drink.
A lot of my decision, I will admit, is so that I don't lose my boyfriend again. Alcohol separated us once, and it's almost happened a few more times. I can't lose him, especially when he's been so supportive and tried to help for such a long time, I've never felt so connected to another soul. Sometimes I think that if we weren't together, I'd just try to "cut back" instead of quitting entirely, but that's failed before. I suppose only time will tell what is good for me, but for now, I need to stop.
The battle begins. Advice is greatly GREATLY welcomed. <3
I'm a 26 year old female, and I recently made the decision to quit drinking. Over the past 4 years, I've ruined so many opportunities for myself. Jobs, relationships, friendships, etc, all because I am unable to stop drinking once I start. I feel almost like I'm "too young" to have to quit, but at the same time, I know that I've tried to just "cut back" before, and it never ever has lasted.
I am very concerned as to how I'm really going to be able to do this. I started off by only drinking on weekends, but over the years, after working as a bartender, and then becoming a stage performer (sang and played drums for an Irish drinking band, performed for pubs at Ren Fests, started doing theater and cabaret), drinking became a part of my daily life. It was a social, happy thing. It was a romantic thing I enjoyed with my ex-fiancee (drinking killed that pretty quickly), and it was a social thing, as well as a cure for my anxiety.
Over the past year and a half, it got out of control. My current boyfriend is in a major band, and although he is not a big drinker himself, everyone else in the crowd is. We lived with an alcoholic who was a bartender, and would begin every morning with whiskey. I followed suit. I've since left that house, but I became a wine-o. I love wine, everything about it, the tastings, the culture, but even though I could barely afford the good stuff (I'm living on gigs), I started getting the really cheap awful stuff, and was drinking at LEAST a bottle a day, by myself, sometimes even replacing meals.
The way I recently described this to my boyfriend, is that I used to see life in vivid colour, and would get pleasure out of the simplest things. Now, it's like my life is desaturated completely, and only a buzz starts to bring the colour back. Everything revolved around when I'd get my next bottle.
I started being known as the one who would get ********* if we went out. I got to the point where I'd drink so much every day/night that I was literally wetting myself constantly, and more humiliatingly, even with my boyfriend in the bed.
I want the old me back, the one who could get excited about going to a tea place and trying a new flavour, and drawing all night. The me that didn't need a shot before going on stage. I want to TASTE and FEEL and SEE the beauty of life again, without needing this liquid to make it better. I talked to my old friend the other day, and he said "I KNOW you used to have everything together, I saw it in you years ago, I know you can do it."
I believe I can do this. I beat an eating disorder I had for almost 10 years and have found a passion for cooking and eating right. I'm just afraid of the things I'll miss. Wine club tastings, a Guinness while watching Hockey. Champagne on special occasions. I said to my boyfriend that this hasn't been a long enough addiction, and maybe I'm young enough that someday down the road, I'll be able to enjoy an occasional glass again, like I USED to. He said if I'm this addicted, I probably never can again. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. Why do the rest of my friends get to responsibly drink, yet I just CAN'T? I want to get better for my own health. I do. I just don't want to have to quit forever, although I know that's what I need to do for now. I don't remember the last day I didn't have at least one drink.
A lot of my decision, I will admit, is so that I don't lose my boyfriend again. Alcohol separated us once, and it's almost happened a few more times. I can't lose him, especially when he's been so supportive and tried to help for such a long time, I've never felt so connected to another soul. Sometimes I think that if we weren't together, I'd just try to "cut back" instead of quitting entirely, but that's failed before. I suppose only time will tell what is good for me, but for now, I need to stop.
The battle begins. Advice is greatly GREATLY welcomed. <3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Brit in the Netherlands
Posts: 50
Hi, sure it is scary. But you need to break it down, literally one day at a time, you need a break so you can gain clarity. I was always waiting for the right time, and that can be real hard for you with your lifestyle. You need to make it a choice and have momentum. You need to arm yourself to avoid triggers. You need to embrace change and pursue positive replacements. Simply stopping alone is not enough. I found cognitive therapy helpful where I was taught to understand my behaviours around drink and associated with it. Getting a top-line, middle-line and bottom-line list. Top-line things are things you love to do that are good for you, middle risks, bottom, bad triggers. Also I had to nourish my self relationship. Getting fit and health and clearing that fog. It is worth it and you get so much back in return. I visualised my alcohol issue as an enemy, and that satisfaction it would give to people I have had negative experience with if I carried on killing myself. Love your self and respect yourself. 26 is not too young, don't wait till you damage your health. Live a full life, it starts by making a deal with yourself. One day at a time. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((ladyscarlet)) - Welcome to SR! I think if you read around here, you will find you are not alone in your feelings.
I will say that I never stuck with quitting anything for another person (I abused several things). However, I'll also add that the last time I quit, part of me wanted to do it for family that I had let down, and then it became something I wanted for me!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I will say that I never stuck with quitting anything for another person (I abused several things). However, I'll also add that the last time I quit, part of me wanted to do it for family that I had let down, and then it became something I wanted for me!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Why not commit to 90 days or a year sober and see how your life feels then ?
Last night i didn't drink and i felt good today , i don't plan to drink tonight and hope to wake up fresh tommorow .
Bestwishes, M
Last night i didn't drink and i felt good today , i don't plan to drink tonight and hope to wake up fresh tommorow .
Bestwishes, M
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. I think you've made the right decision to quit.
If quitting forever is too formidable, just try it one day at a time. For myself, accepting not drinking forever is what allowed me to focus on staying sober. I didn't need that "one day..." dangling in front of me like a promise. I had to vow to NEVER drink.
If quitting forever is too formidable, just try it one day at a time. For myself, accepting not drinking forever is what allowed me to focus on staying sober. I didn't need that "one day..." dangling in front of me like a promise. I had to vow to NEVER drink.
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