First Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: North of England
Posts: 2
First Day
Hi Everyone,
I've just joined the forum to try and get sober! Alcohol has been a problem for me for more years than I care to remember, but I seem to have managed to keep it under control. This is now more of a problem. I am retired and my husband has Alzeimers. I am now in a situation where every morning I vow I will stop drinking (and I mean it!) but every day at around 5pm my car seems to find it's way to the local shop and I buy a bottle of wine which I take home and drink - the thought of spending the evening without it is just unbearable, but my common sense tells me I should be able to break this "habit!" If I buy it too early I will go out to buy more, even driving after a full bottle of wine. I'm desperate to stop this.
I've just joined the forum to try and get sober! Alcohol has been a problem for me for more years than I care to remember, but I seem to have managed to keep it under control. This is now more of a problem. I am retired and my husband has Alzeimers. I am now in a situation where every morning I vow I will stop drinking (and I mean it!) but every day at around 5pm my car seems to find it's way to the local shop and I buy a bottle of wine which I take home and drink - the thought of spending the evening without it is just unbearable, but my common sense tells me I should be able to break this "habit!" If I buy it too early I will go out to buy more, even driving after a full bottle of wine. I'm desperate to stop this.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Roz,
I found it very helpful to go to an AA meeting every evening the first three months I was sober. Along with the other benefits of AA, it gave me a place to go and people to be with at the time I would normally be drinking.
It sounds as if you are feeling pretty isolated and alone. AA could be very good for helping with that. Get lots of phone numbers and you will have people to back you up when you need it during the day, too.
I found it very helpful to go to an AA meeting every evening the first three months I was sober. Along with the other benefits of AA, it gave me a place to go and people to be with at the time I would normally be drinking.
It sounds as if you are feeling pretty isolated and alone. AA could be very good for helping with that. Get lots of phone numbers and you will have people to back you up when you need it during the day, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Maybe hit an early meeting way before 5PM, that might give you the motivation to not drink in the evening. Keep posting here too, there is always someone here and tons of people to share with, lot's of support, plenty of people with tons of experience.
I know that you really have to want to get sober to do it, hope you can come to terms with just "not for today, today I will not drink", it's easier to do it that way then "I'm never drinking again." One step at a time.
I know that you really have to want to get sober to do it, hope you can come to terms with just "not for today, today I will not drink", it's easier to do it that way then "I'm never drinking again." One step at a time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Yay, another northerner 
Welcome Rozoz x
I agree that meetings are a good idea, maybe some support for you situation too, I'm guessing that technically you're a full time carer for your husband? It must be tough to try and manage all this on your own. Are there any support groups you can contact?
What helped me early on was something called AVRT. If you google the crash course maybe that could help you. It really helped me cos I tried giving up one day at a time and I just kept on drinking. AVRT helped me break the cycle. Joining a 'Class of...' thread here helped me too, kept me accountable.
Glad you're here x
Welcome Rozoz xI agree that meetings are a good idea, maybe some support for you situation too, I'm guessing that technically you're a full time carer for your husband? It must be tough to try and manage all this on your own. Are there any support groups you can contact?
What helped me early on was something called AVRT. If you google the crash course maybe that could help you. It really helped me cos I tried giving up one day at a time and I just kept on drinking. AVRT helped me break the cycle. Joining a 'Class of...' thread here helped me too, kept me accountable.
Glad you're here x
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome to the family, rozroz. You're not alone with the problem any more.
I'm older, too - and I drank for over 30 yrs. After I joined SR I found the courage to let go of alcohol as a way of life. I was very dependent on it and drank 'round the clock in the end. After stopping it took a period of adjustment, but hope and happiness finally came back into my life. Alcohol had done nothing but keep me numb and foggy. That's no way to live - so you have made a wise decision. You can do it, roz.
I'm older, too - and I drank for over 30 yrs. After I joined SR I found the courage to let go of alcohol as a way of life. I was very dependent on it and drank 'round the clock in the end. After stopping it took a period of adjustment, but hope and happiness finally came back into my life. Alcohol had done nothing but keep me numb and foggy. That's no way to live - so you have made a wise decision. You can do it, roz.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 21
I was a wine drinker and I started every day at 5 and drank until I went to bed. I am now 3 weeks without it and I remember the first night I thought to myself how nice it was to feel "clear headed" and not fuzzy.. I have lost some weight, and the puffy face and sleep so well now!! My mother looked at me today and said "you look so good today, what's different about you? (i have not shared this with her) It was so nice to hear and so nice to feel good!! If I can do it, anyone can!! I drank every single night for over ten years and was tired of feeling and looking like hell. Give it a try for just one night (don't have any wine in the house) and see how it goes. I wish you the BEST OF LUCK!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hi
Welcome to our family!
I am in the UK too.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate if your husband is ill.
Do you think wine helps you relax and switch off?
I have a three year old and I work full time.
I had no idea how to relax or pass evenings without a drink.
Not sitting on the sofa, watching television, with a drink was an alien concept to me.
In the early days I had to get busy and yes your right break that 'habit'.
I think habits are hard to break as they are deeply ingrained in us and we often do them without thinking.
I also know how insane it feels, waking and thinking 'never again' and yet finding myself at a booze shop on the way home from work. Absolute madness.
I made a lot of changes in my quest to stop daily drinking.
I got off the sofa, smashed my favourite glass. I got busy. I did a lot of sorting out junk for car boots, cleaning, reading, long baths, exercise, long baths, drank a lot of hot chocolate, found internet sites I was interested in, went for drives with loud music,lots of early nights, went for walks, cooked meals for the freezer, put all my photo's on the computer, reorganised the kitchen, gutted the office, sorted stacks of old papers out. The list is still endless!
Now I can honestly say it would seem strange to sit with a drink in my hand all night long.
With the help of SR I have 8 days to go until I reach 1 year sober without a drink.
Its nice to feel proud of myself for a change.
Physically I feel better.
Mentally I feel better.
Don't get me wrong, things still go wrong. But I deal with it without diving head first into a bottle of vodka or wine and have no headache later. Problems seem to be less when you face them without a drink, at least I find.
Read here as much as you can, learn all you can about alcohol and the lows it can lead to and most importantly post as much as you like.
I really do wish you the best xxxx
Welcome to our family!
I am in the UK too.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate if your husband is ill.
Do you think wine helps you relax and switch off?
I have a three year old and I work full time.
I had no idea how to relax or pass evenings without a drink.
Not sitting on the sofa, watching television, with a drink was an alien concept to me.
In the early days I had to get busy and yes your right break that 'habit'.
I think habits are hard to break as they are deeply ingrained in us and we often do them without thinking.
I also know how insane it feels, waking and thinking 'never again' and yet finding myself at a booze shop on the way home from work. Absolute madness.
I made a lot of changes in my quest to stop daily drinking.
I got off the sofa, smashed my favourite glass. I got busy. I did a lot of sorting out junk for car boots, cleaning, reading, long baths, exercise, long baths, drank a lot of hot chocolate, found internet sites I was interested in, went for drives with loud music,lots of early nights, went for walks, cooked meals for the freezer, put all my photo's on the computer, reorganised the kitchen, gutted the office, sorted stacks of old papers out. The list is still endless!
Now I can honestly say it would seem strange to sit with a drink in my hand all night long.
With the help of SR I have 8 days to go until I reach 1 year sober without a drink.
Its nice to feel proud of myself for a change.
Physically I feel better.
Mentally I feel better.
Don't get me wrong, things still go wrong. But I deal with it without diving head first into a bottle of vodka or wine and have no headache later. Problems seem to be less when you face them without a drink, at least I find.
Read here as much as you can, learn all you can about alcohol and the lows it can lead to and most importantly post as much as you like.
I really do wish you the best xxxx
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Roz,
Wine was my drink of choice too and early evening was the time when I felt most needy. In fact, I couldn't even imagine getting through an evening without a bottle of wine. Oh, and I would also go back for a second bottle if I'd started too early - crazy, risky behaviour. Please know that you are not alone in your addiction or in your fear of stopping drinking. My suggestion would be to change your evening routine if possible. Understandably you are caring for your husband, but if you could take a little time in the evening to do something you really wanted to do for yourself, it might help. Each step brings you closer to recovery.
Wine was my drink of choice too and early evening was the time when I felt most needy. In fact, I couldn't even imagine getting through an evening without a bottle of wine. Oh, and I would also go back for a second bottle if I'd started too early - crazy, risky behaviour. Please know that you are not alone in your addiction or in your fear of stopping drinking. My suggestion would be to change your evening routine if possible. Understandably you are caring for your husband, but if you could take a little time in the evening to do something you really wanted to do for yourself, it might help. Each step brings you closer to recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Roz.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation - that must be hard...I cannot fully imagine it.
I do think Sasha makes a good point tho - is it really helping us cope, or are we simply running away and digging a deeper hole...I know that's what my drinking/self-medication for my various physical ailments did for me.
Othgers have already given you some pointers on support with your drinking...I was wondering are there local support groups for caregivers?
that might also be a useful avenue to explore if you haven't already?
I know you'll find support and understanding here - welcome
D
I'm sorry to hear about your situation - that must be hard...I cannot fully imagine it.
I do think Sasha makes a good point tho - is it really helping us cope, or are we simply running away and digging a deeper hole...I know that's what my drinking/self-medication for my various physical ailments did for me.
Othgers have already given you some pointers on support with your drinking...I was wondering are there local support groups for caregivers?
that might also be a useful avenue to explore if you haven't already?
I know you'll find support and understanding here - welcome
D
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