The art of listening to oneself
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
The art of listening to oneself
Gone is the desperation of each day. It’s been a slow go at it and I have such hope for the direction I am moving. I am enjoying my weekends and days so much now.
But I thought I would highlight for myself quotes from my posts along the way. Sort of a map to how I got here. I way of listening to myself.
My very first post on April 6th 2012
I also learned that being special comes not from what I thought only I possessed but from the comfort those as ordinary as I am can provide each other. That my painfully normal life has a chance at happiness beyond my nearsighted view of today. In that way alone I have hope. I am special.
April 14th 2012
I managed to go 5 days. Over a weekend. A record for me. But with my drinking failures this last week and the drugs last night I am hurting inside. I tell myself to go easy on me. Try not to beat myself up so I have enough strength to stay sober. Not to waste all my energy on yesterday's.
May 1st 2012
You worthless piece of s*+!
That's what my step father told me every day for years. I told myself I did not believe him. That I was a good person. I drank last night. Head throbbing. Feeling like a piece of sh*!.
What do ya do when ya not sure what to do. I mean being sober is what in need to do but how do you erase the pain of worthlessness?
May17th 2012
Happiness is a choice. A muscle that we must use every day.
June 18th 2012
I knew I had a problem. I went to rehab twice. Actually 2.3 times. But as any alcoholic can attest to even in the midst of admitting we have an issue we continue to do as we please because we have not gotten there yet.
August 12th 2012
That's something I find comforting. That I have had many lives. Time periods that filled the needs of the moment.
So this is one now. Change is not inevitable no matter what people say. I need to make change happen for me in this life.
August 31st 2012
Aloneness has been a steady source of reasons for drinking.
Being an outsider in your own life presents its own set of challenges and issues.
None of which I ever solved by drinking.
October 8th 2012
Now, through the humility of my addictions, I am not the same as I was even a few days ago.
Now, I am learning to let people in first and hold judgments until...if ever.
I am still blind. My faith still elusive. But at least I am not alone in this.
November 24th 2012
It is a realization. A coming to light of the perfect imperfections I own.
I posted through the pain. I spoke my mind. More so I opened my mind.
I am happy I did. Kept posting that is. I got more back in support from SR than I could have asked for directly.
December 10th 2012
So what the f do I do.
I have a black eye. Broken nose. Broken thumb.
Really?
January 22, 2013
Over the last 42 days I have been sober 40 days. That is soooo cool.
Just this morning as I made my plans for the day and for the week and I noticed that I could make plans ....And not plans around.
Sobriety is worth it as certain as I am of the sun rising and setting every day.
If you doubt it. If you hesitate at the answer when the question is posed to you in whatever way it comes along.... Then stay sober today. See what happens when tomorrow arrives.
Today, January 26th 2013
It took a lot to get here. Changing the mind and nurturing the heart is not an easy task when I have once put so much energy into tearing myself down.
These days are sooooo much better than last April. I have learned to listen to myself and change the course of my life. One day at a time!
Ken
But I thought I would highlight for myself quotes from my posts along the way. Sort of a map to how I got here. I way of listening to myself.
My very first post on April 6th 2012
I also learned that being special comes not from what I thought only I possessed but from the comfort those as ordinary as I am can provide each other. That my painfully normal life has a chance at happiness beyond my nearsighted view of today. In that way alone I have hope. I am special.
April 14th 2012
I managed to go 5 days. Over a weekend. A record for me. But with my drinking failures this last week and the drugs last night I am hurting inside. I tell myself to go easy on me. Try not to beat myself up so I have enough strength to stay sober. Not to waste all my energy on yesterday's.
May 1st 2012
You worthless piece of s*+!
That's what my step father told me every day for years. I told myself I did not believe him. That I was a good person. I drank last night. Head throbbing. Feeling like a piece of sh*!.
What do ya do when ya not sure what to do. I mean being sober is what in need to do but how do you erase the pain of worthlessness?
May17th 2012
Happiness is a choice. A muscle that we must use every day.
June 18th 2012
I knew I had a problem. I went to rehab twice. Actually 2.3 times. But as any alcoholic can attest to even in the midst of admitting we have an issue we continue to do as we please because we have not gotten there yet.
August 12th 2012
That's something I find comforting. That I have had many lives. Time periods that filled the needs of the moment.
So this is one now. Change is not inevitable no matter what people say. I need to make change happen for me in this life.
August 31st 2012
Aloneness has been a steady source of reasons for drinking.
Being an outsider in your own life presents its own set of challenges and issues.
None of which I ever solved by drinking.
October 8th 2012
Now, through the humility of my addictions, I am not the same as I was even a few days ago.
Now, I am learning to let people in first and hold judgments until...if ever.
I am still blind. My faith still elusive. But at least I am not alone in this.
November 24th 2012
It is a realization. A coming to light of the perfect imperfections I own.
I posted through the pain. I spoke my mind. More so I opened my mind.
I am happy I did. Kept posting that is. I got more back in support from SR than I could have asked for directly.
December 10th 2012
So what the f do I do.
I have a black eye. Broken nose. Broken thumb.
Really?
January 22, 2013
Over the last 42 days I have been sober 40 days. That is soooo cool.
Just this morning as I made my plans for the day and for the week and I noticed that I could make plans ....And not plans around.
Sobriety is worth it as certain as I am of the sun rising and setting every day.
If you doubt it. If you hesitate at the answer when the question is posed to you in whatever way it comes along.... Then stay sober today. See what happens when tomorrow arrives.
Today, January 26th 2013
It took a lot to get here. Changing the mind and nurturing the heart is not an easy task when I have once put so much energy into tearing myself down.
These days are sooooo much better than last April. I have learned to listen to myself and change the course of my life. One day at a time!
Ken
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
inspiring evolution
Thanks W for the good post. I am inspired by your progress. It gives me hope as I press on through Day18 and Weekend3. Keeping an eye out for that old back monkey, because I know he's out there waiting for me. Good luck in your continued success.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Rightly proud of 5 days and then managing a few months later 40 .. i wonder where you could be in 12 months time ?
I'm not sure you get what you expect from a sober life but that is all part of the fun of living free .
Bestwishes, M
I'm not sure you get what you expect from a sober life but that is all part of the fun of living free .
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
"To thine own self be true" is one of my favorite things I've heard in recovery. Inside ourselves and if we are totally 100% honest with "us", we know what is best for us. Nice weasel. 
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