I'm a mess :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5
I'm a mess :(
I came across this forum the other day when i was looking for info/opinions on moderation management. I hadn't drank at all in the last few weeks, and when I did, it usually was not into excess..... But I knew I needed to cool it some and thought I might just reward myself with some wine. I went ahead and bought a 5 liter box thinking that should last at least a week or two... a couple glasses a day were all i wanted (although sometimes i go through more than that if I'm sharing with a friend). except that I did, what ive gotten in the habit of doing when i drink lately (especially when I'm alone), and WAY overdid it. I ended up drinking the entire box (isnt that like 6+ bottles?) over the course of 12 hours.... thank god I was home alone and didnt get into any trouble. i did fall down the stairs at one point i guess because i have a huge bruise/carpet burn on my back and another big bruise on my leg (where I vagulely remember hitting the corner at the bottom of the stairs).
I guess THAT was what I needed to happen (and thankfully not anything worse) to convince myself that I DO have a problem with alcohol and that I DO need to stop drinking completely... because 1 turns into 10, which turns into a 12 hour binge. I laid in bed hungover all day yesterday completely unable to function. I dont know how much damage i did to my liver and how i did not throw up in the middle of downing all that booze. I sure threw up all yesterday afternoon and last night during my hangover (which I'm pretty sure were withdrawals as well). I couldnt drink more than a sip of water at a time without vomiting it. i laid awake all night and couldnt sleep and could really only move to get a sip of water and lie back down while the room spun.... i still feel kind of in a daze today (2 days after the binge), but i had to run a lot of errands in town so i didnt have a choice but to get up and get moving.
Ive thought about going to AA here, but its a very small town and the majority of the people only go because it's court mandated. I KNOW I need to stop drinking and I know I need support from others who understand. I do not want things to get any worse before they get better..... but I just feel really alone (which is part of why I started drinking so much the last few months anyway)... So I guess I just wanted to introduce myself and admit that I do need to be on a site like this...
I guess THAT was what I needed to happen (and thankfully not anything worse) to convince myself that I DO have a problem with alcohol and that I DO need to stop drinking completely... because 1 turns into 10, which turns into a 12 hour binge. I laid in bed hungover all day yesterday completely unable to function. I dont know how much damage i did to my liver and how i did not throw up in the middle of downing all that booze. I sure threw up all yesterday afternoon and last night during my hangover (which I'm pretty sure were withdrawals as well). I couldnt drink more than a sip of water at a time without vomiting it. i laid awake all night and couldnt sleep and could really only move to get a sip of water and lie back down while the room spun.... i still feel kind of in a daze today (2 days after the binge), but i had to run a lot of errands in town so i didnt have a choice but to get up and get moving.
Ive thought about going to AA here, but its a very small town and the majority of the people only go because it's court mandated. I KNOW I need to stop drinking and I know I need support from others who understand. I do not want things to get any worse before they get better..... but I just feel really alone (which is part of why I started drinking so much the last few months anyway)... So I guess I just wanted to introduce myself and admit that I do need to be on a site like this...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi there!
I did the MM thing for four and a half years, and during that time my drinking got worse, not better (my delusions to the contrary notwithstanding). So you may have saved yourself some time, there--in my experience, most people who are at the point where they need help to deal with their drinking need to STOP, not to moderate.
I recommend you give AA a try. Even if there are quite a few court-mandated people at the groups in your town, there are, no doubt, people who are there for exactly the same reason you are, not to mention a bunch of successfully, happily sober people who can't wait to give away what they've gotten from the program.
I love AA--it gave me back my life.
I did the MM thing for four and a half years, and during that time my drinking got worse, not better (my delusions to the contrary notwithstanding). So you may have saved yourself some time, there--in my experience, most people who are at the point where they need help to deal with their drinking need to STOP, not to moderate.
I recommend you give AA a try. Even if there are quite a few court-mandated people at the groups in your town, there are, no doubt, people who are there for exactly the same reason you are, not to mention a bunch of successfully, happily sober people who can't wait to give away what they've gotten from the program.
I love AA--it gave me back my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
Hi sugar, I'm pretty new myself but wanted to welcome you. This is a great forum with a lot of wise and caring people. Remember if you choose not to drink, you never have to feel this way again!
-Alison
-Alison
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Welcome to our family, its nice to have you here.
I have done that many a time in my murky drinking past.
Bought a big bottle and justified it to myself that it was to last all week and then the next it was gone, and I had my head down the toilet.
Its how our minds work when we are obsessed with drinking.
Someone once said three powerful things to me about drinking. He was a man with 23 years sobriety.
1. You cannot get drunk if you do not have that first drink.
2. You never, ever have to feel that bad again. All you need to do is avoid that first drink.
3. No-one ever regrets not drinking.
It took me a while to get things, to understand, but it was so true.
There are different ways to try - AA, Rational Recovery, SMART and of course here on this forum.
My suggestion would be visit here whenever you can and read and learn and post.
Don't think too far into the future.
Just think 'for today I will not drink' and when you wake up in the morning, make that promise to yourself.
Don't think about next week, next Christmas, your next birthday, 2017...its too hard to get your head round in the early days.
Its ice to have you here and I really do wish you the best xxxx
I have done that many a time in my murky drinking past.
Bought a big bottle and justified it to myself that it was to last all week and then the next it was gone, and I had my head down the toilet.
Its how our minds work when we are obsessed with drinking.
Someone once said three powerful things to me about drinking. He was a man with 23 years sobriety.
1. You cannot get drunk if you do not have that first drink.
2. You never, ever have to feel that bad again. All you need to do is avoid that first drink.
3. No-one ever regrets not drinking.
It took me a while to get things, to understand, but it was so true.
There are different ways to try - AA, Rational Recovery, SMART and of course here on this forum.
My suggestion would be visit here whenever you can and read and learn and post.
Don't think too far into the future.
Just think 'for today I will not drink' and when you wake up in the morning, make that promise to yourself.
Don't think about next week, next Christmas, your next birthday, 2017...its too hard to get your head round in the early days.
Its ice to have you here and I really do wish you the best xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
Welcome Sugar,
I'm glad you found us and that you were not seriously injured by your fall. I tried moderation and found it exhausting.....thinking of when I could drink and how much. Quitting was easier. Maybe talking with your doctor would be a good idea? Please keep connected to SR, there is tons of information and support here.
I'm glad you found us and that you were not seriously injured by your fall. I tried moderation and found it exhausting.....thinking of when I could drink and how much. Quitting was easier. Maybe talking with your doctor would be a good idea? Please keep connected to SR, there is tons of information and support here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I remember those hangovers that lasted for days, awful feeling. I've been staying sober w the help of sr & aa. How do u know everyone is court mandated? Even if they are, they can still relate to u ... Most likely anyway. Like you said, if this can be your bottom & make u change, that's great. Don't wait until alcohol rips more from your life. Glad to have u here 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5
thanks everybody.... I think its hard because I never really drank before I moved here, but thats the only thing people do for entertainment here... ALL of my friends are drinking buddies (I know i need new friends lol)... i know people who've had to go to the meetings here after dui or pi, and they ALL talk about how much of a joke it was... i realized that our thursday happy hour group was comprised of about 10 of them... we'd share pitchers of margaritas, theyd go off to their meeting (or class as they called it) and then we'd meet up again at the bar afterward... They all say they didnt help in the least, that they drank more because theyd end up going out with people from the group.... I think part of that is that most of them WERE mandated and were only going because they had to. But at the same time, i know the meetings werent so anonymous because of that. Ive heard a lot of personal stories and gossip from them. I just actually want help and i want to be around like minded people. i just dont know where to find them in real life...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I remember finding all kinds of bumps and bruises too; now I'm sporting a wonderful scar from many stitches on my forehead! This is a wonderful site as it is supportive as well as informational. I hope you go to a meeting so you can meet some sober people!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Sugar,
Drinking a 5 liter cask of wine is certainly a wake up call. god no wonder you felt so crap that stuff is pure poison, apart from the alcohol.
Glad you are here. I am coming up to 20 months sober with the support of SR and following the AA program.
This is serious stuff, your bar friends may not take it seriously but we do, perhaps when they kill someone due to drunk driving they may, hopefully it never comes to that.
It's time to change your life around. Keep posting and reading.
All the best
CaiHong
Drinking a 5 liter cask of wine is certainly a wake up call. god no wonder you felt so crap that stuff is pure poison, apart from the alcohol.
Glad you are here. I am coming up to 20 months sober with the support of SR and following the AA program.
This is serious stuff, your bar friends may not take it seriously but we do, perhaps when they kill someone due to drunk driving they may, hopefully it never comes to that.
It's time to change your life around. Keep posting and reading.
All the best
CaiHong
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, some new friends wouldn't hurt.
If you need help finding meetings maybe a little bit away from where you live, send me a private message with your town, and I can probably find a list of meetings in the surrounding area.
If you need help finding meetings maybe a little bit away from where you live, send me a private message with your town, and I can probably find a list of meetings in the surrounding area.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Sugar!
Glad you've joined us! I can totally relate to your story (telling myself "I'll just have a couple drinks" and waking up sick).
I think everything can seem overwhelming when we first get sober, plus we want to change everything NOW! Give yourself some time to look into other meetings, activities/interests, etc.... there may be more out there than you know.:ghug3
Glad you've joined us! I can totally relate to your story (telling myself "I'll just have a couple drinks" and waking up sick).
I think everything can seem overwhelming when we first get sober, plus we want to change everything NOW! Give yourself some time to look into other meetings, activities/interests, etc.... there may be more out there than you know.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Welcome! Your story brings back memories of an incident in my life. Three days later I ended up in the psych ward. That wasn't the end for me though. Needed a few more months of insanity before I finally got it. Now sober 8 mths with AA and SR. You can do it too.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Welcome sugar! I can certainly relate to what happened Ive done the same a bunch of times.
Stick around here and I think youll find a path to recovery.
I use AA and SR.. Its been a long hard storm for me but the sun is peeking around the clouds
Stick around here and I think youll find a path to recovery.
I use AA and SR.. Its been a long hard storm for me but the sun is peeking around the clouds
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
