deeker

Hi There , Found these. Cut and paste to your drafts in email and answer.


Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

I've done things while acting out in my addiction that I would never do when focusing on recovery. What were they?



What things have I done to maintain my addiction that went completely against all my beliefs and values?




How does my personality change when I'm acting out on my addiction? (For example: Do I become arrogant? Self-centered? Mean-tempered? Passive to the point where I can't protect myself? Manipulative? Whiny?)



Do I manipulate other people to maintain my addiction? How?




Have I tried to quit using/drinking and found that I couldn't?




Have I quit using on my own and found that my life was so painful without alcohol/drugs that my abstinence didn't last very long?


What were these times like?






How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself or others?



More to come Unmanageability tomorrow.

Natom

Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

Myself. I can steer myself in the right direction but I can't steady my course. I also can't touch drugs, alcohol and gambling.

I've done things while acting out in my addiction that I would never do when focusing on recovery. What were they?

Snorted cocaine off of a blackberry at a bus stop. Started fights. Been a drug dealer. Ruined lives knowingly.

What things have I done to maintain my addiction that went completely against all my beliefs and values?


I stole. I used people. I broke laws.

How does my personality change when I'm acting out on my addiction? (For example: Do I become arrogant? Self-centered? Mean-tempered? Passive to the point where I can't protect myself? Manipulative? Whiny?

I become a ****. And I get far more needy.

Do I manipulate other people to maintain my addiction? How?

I manipulate people out of money and goods or emotion with charm.

Have I tried to quit using/drinking and found that I couldn't?

Yes. It was only when I stopped fighting that I was able to stop.

Have I quit using on my own and found that my life was so painful without alcohol/drugs that my abstinence didn't last very long?

I never quit without support.

How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself or others?

I've ruined lives. I've hurt my family. I've ruined my education, my physical and mental health etc.


I do love your posts deeker.

Natom.

freshstart57

That's a curious premise, Dreeker. I had a drinking problem which became an addiction. I learned some tools that allowed me to address my addiction. I learned how to separate myself from my urges to drink without needing to act on them. I learned how to understand that I have the power to quit drinking for good.

I don't want to sway you from your quest, but I post so that folks new to SR understand that your quest, as noble as it might be, is not the only one that can lead to sobriety. It seems to suggest that the stages you mention are essential for sobriety, and that of course is not true.

deeker

[QUOTE=Natom;3785000]Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

Myself. I can steer myself in the right direction but I can't steady my course. I also can't touch drugs, alcohol and gambling.
Thank You natom and I really appreciate your honesty, i need to keep it green. Sometimes I forget how bad it was. Have a blessed day!!:ghug3

deeker

[QUOTE=freshstart57;3785038]That's a curious premise, Dreeker.

Yah but I can only share what works for me. Why would I share about another form of recovery if I have no experience with it?? Make sense? I thought it would. By the way your sobriety date is my birthday. congrats

LexieCat

I'm not comfortable answering these on the forum, but thanks for posting these very thought-provoking questions. I will answer them for myself.

deeker

[QUOTE=LexieCat;3785449]I'm not comfortable answering these on the forum, but thanks for posting these very thought-provoking questions.


That's why I suggested cutting and pasting them to your email drafts so you could answer privately

Lost3000

Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

I am powerless over booze, once I take that first drink.

I've done things while acting out in my addiction that I would never do when focusing on recovery. What were they?

Threatened suicide, drove recklessly, acted crazy.

What things have I done to maintain my addiction that went completely against all my beliefs and values?

Joined AA, worked the steps, found a sponsor, read the big book, attend meetings regularly.

How does my personality change when I'm acting out on my addiction? (For example: Do I become arrogant? Self-centered? Mean-tempered? Passive to the point where I can't protect myself? Manipulative? Whiny?)

I've been told it's like I have a split personality. I remember being angry but not knowing why. I acted mean, horrible.

Do I manipulate other people to maintain my addiction? How?

Yes. I would stretch the truth to my spouse, make up reasons for why I was out late, why dinner wasn't ready, why dinner was burned, or tasted bad, why I was hungover ("I think I might have the flu!").

Have I tried to quit using/drinking and found that I couldn't?

A billion times.

Have I quit using on my own and found that my life was so painful without alcohol/drugs that my abstinence didn't last very long?

One time. In 2009 I believe, I quit for 60 days. I quit long enough to get a glimpse of sobriety. But when my vacation came, it was on. I drank myself right back to drunkenness and spent another 3 years in a stupor.

What were these times like?

When I quit, the times were great. I was just beginning to see what life sober would be like, and I loved it. I didn't want to go back, ever.

How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself or others?

My drinking ensured a distant relationship with my spouse. It also caused me high blood pressure, and weight gain.