ddrayer

Today is day 18 so I was starting to feel to some extent I was out of the woods (laughable only 18 days and I feel like its been a life time). Anyway its saturday, the SO is out of town. I don't have to work. Last month this would be a dream day. I could go to the liquor store at like 9 am and spend the whole day getting blasted, laying on the couch.

The idea still sounds so wonderful. I dragged myself out of the house and to work just to get away from those thoughts, but I hate that I'm still entertaining those ideas. This is has been the first day where I really WANTED to drink. maybe its been long enough that I don't have the memory of how awful i felt on my last bender firmly planted in my mind or something. I won't drink today but man I would like to.

vegibean

No, don't do it drayer, you know you'll be kicking yourself later. Hang in there and I hope you find something fun to do today.

LexieCat

Maybe check out an AA meeting today? I find that, along with the other benefits of the program, it recharges my "sober batteries" and reminds me of how important it is for me to stay sober. Listening to newcomers, and those who talk about "how it used to be" can be good reminders that we don't want to go back.

Hevyn

ddrayer - At 18 days it's not unusual to still be thinking those old thoughts. Thankfully, you came here to talk about it.

Try to remember drinking all day wouldn't take you where you want to go. You'd pay such a high price in terms of remorse, guilt, and disappointment in yourself. You've done so well - you don't want to go back to square one. We know you can make it through this without caving.

ddrayer

Thanks guys. I have a regular 5:30 I go to. So I am really just biting my nails till then. I'm not actually worried today about taking a drink but the cravings are kicking hard.

Coldfusion

I like that concept--you're inviting those ideas in and throwing a little party for them.

Why don't you entertain us for a while? We're just a forum, so we can't bring along booze even if we try!

LadyinBC

The third week for me was really hard, I basically got thru it minute by minute. What you are feeling is not uncommon. It's our little devil talking to us at least that is what I kept telling myself.

I tried to keep myself buys that week I went to my daughter's house a lot.

FamilyMan2153

It is very common but you cannot let those thoughts in your head for more than a couple of seconds. Relapse happens well before we take that first drink. Get them out of your head quickly and over time they will not be as often. Just get through today.

least

I agree with Coldfusion: don't entertain those thoughts, throw them out of your mind! I know early recovery is tough but it's tougher to have to start all over again, isn't it? Don't cave in. Tell those thoughts to take a long walk off a short pier.

ddrayer

Thank you yet again. My mind has been hazy the last couple days and just not having a blast (I think having fun 24/7 was in the sobriety brochure I picked up ). But a very good point FamilyMan. In all my relapses it was basically cast in stone when I woke up. Thats how I know today is different. Its still just not fun. Definitely looking forward to a meeting tonight and then meeting my friend for a movie.

least

What movie are you going to see?

noanxtime

I know the feeling. The "oh, it's 6:00pm (sometimes noon or earlier on days off or the weekends) and wine time..." Oh, that's right, I quit drinking.
Those thoughts are fading in my month plus of not drinking. I have a lot of interests and hobbies, stifled a bit for a long time while I was in my 'fog'.
I can't pick which one I want to focus on next and you can't bake bread and sew at the same time - or plan a garden, or can what comes from it.
Pick something 'fun' you may have only thought about in passing and explore it. A good craft store is a good place to start, or model shop, whatever you are in to.
Good luck

ddrayer

least were going to see Django. Perhaps not my first choice, but better than being at home tonight. noanxtime, I have been trying to do just that. I actually went and picked up a shot gun to go target shooting with. I am going to the range tomorrow morning to break it in!

Fallow

Sobriety brochure lol thats funny.

A guy told me the other week that staying sober is being able to not take a drink, even when we want to. Its annoying and irritating at times but I believe that pot of golds at the other end of the rainbow.

ddrayer

Thanks fallow. Glad you liked me little joke there. Went to a great meeting, movie kept me busy. Made it through the day and for that I am thankful. Tomorrow should be a lot better.

Bigndfan175

Django was one of my fave movies this year, what'd u think ?

member72

Hey I love to skeet shoot, I'm shootin a gold hunter what did you pick? Better question how are you holding up?

ddrayer

bigndfan. I don't know what to think right now still processing. I thought overall it was engaging, maybe the end was a little overdone but it was pretty powerful.

member, I am holding up great now that I got through the doldrums of the midday blues. Its my first gun ever, so i went with something pretty affordable. I got a benelli nova. Its a pump, so not ideal for skeet, but should be fine for trap. Literally only think I could find for under $500. Wish you lived a bit closer so I could have someone to go out to the range with! I'm a bit nervous to go solo but its something I've loved doing the times I've gone and I've saved about the cost of the gun since I stopped drinking, so I figured what the heck.

ddrayer

oh also just got a phone call from my boss asking me to pick up some extra work (always want to impress the boss) and I'll get a bit of extra cash to boot. Thank goodness I was sober tonight!

member72

Benelli's are great!! you will never loose money on thoes pump guns! Great to hear you are holding tight. I'm with ya. keep with it. IT's funny how you made the connection so quickly between the cost of the gun and cost of booze. Your on the right track. Wish I was closer also. not too many around here w/o a shooting phobia.