tammygirl

I broke and drank, yet again. It's Friday, right....what is the logic in that? There is no logic...I am a drunk and one who is wanting to stop again. This sucks. It is six pm and I am putting myself to bed....hoping I wont have the shakes at four am. I know I can do this, it's the where the hell is my I can do it nerve to try? I HATE THIS. why, why, and why????

yestofreedom

hey
just came on here to see how u were.
ive had to stay distracted all night to keep away
from the alcohol!
just dont drink in the morning please; and sleep this off!
youll feel better for it; although i dont know what stage ur at!

have a peaceful sleep!

tammygirl

When I was sober, I was taking prescription called Topamax. It is being used off label by my dr., who is an addiction dr. It is used in Europe for treating alcoholism as well as it can cause weight loss. It used to prevent seizures and also used to prevent migraines. She offered me many options and i chose that route because my sister takes it for her migraines and I could discuss any questions. She also prescribed me traxadone to help me sleep because after stopping with the drinking, I had insomnia. I started on 25mg for one week and did not drink at all on it because i was scared of what could happen...LOL, never gave a crap about drinking 30 beers daily. i got up to 75mg and my cravings stopped, in fact the beer tasted like yuck because on of the side effects of Topa is it screws with the taste of carbonated drinks...having said that, my diet soda tasted funny and the seltzer water that I love. I stuck it out and still did well...i had a few slip ups, at a picnic I had a beer, but focused on how well I was doing. Another side effect is it gives you a fuzzy or foggy head when you first go on it, so i took it at night to alleviate that. In September, I had a full hysterectomy...only thing left is my cervix and couldn't do anything for a while. At that time, I stupidly went off of the Topa and one day, BAM the craving was there and I went full force. I would manage a couple days, but then I was feeling better and thought i could do it...WRONG. Also, I take milk thistle for liver healing and a multivitamin. I lost weight, was eating a great diet, stayed away from sugar because I read it can trigger the craving. I am now on day one again as I did have a few yesterday and will start back on the Topamax...although i didn't like the fuzzy head, but it goes away in about a week and i had that every morning from a hangover LOL I have two great kids and missed their Christmas concert at school because I was drunk...that kept me sober two days. So that's my story. I have a book by Jason Vale to read as well as a couple others. I have never checked into AVRT, but will do that today. I will give AA another try, but my silly mind tells me I have to be sober to attend...I know this is not true and will go into the newcomers room for awhile. I have the big book, but did read the whole thing and I never got a sponsor. I guess I was afraid of failing them. Sorry for the "blog", but I needed to share this.