10 months clean!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
10 months clean!
Well, almost 10, actually!
Seems like yesterday, while at the same time feeling like it was a whole lifetime ago, if that makes sense.
No real cravings for oxys, but it has crossed my mind from time to time, like a past lover who who stole your heart long ago, one you loved once, and miss sometimes still.
Life is good...comparatively speaking.
Wish I had the guts to stop isolating socially, but I'm not there yet. I want to do this, but feel powerless to make such a scary change. Something as simple as a trip to the grocery store nearly sends me into a panic. So, I typically go in the middle of the night. I had a doctor's appointment last week, and couldn't cancel it because I always cancel them due to this phobia. So I went, and re-learned what I usually learn when I do go: "It's not as bad as you thought it would be, dumba$$."
Can't say this pathology is related to stopping the oxys though. It's plagued me long before. I will say that the oxys did make it easier to be social though. I guess I miss that part of our "relationship," but do know that I'm >100% better off without them.
Hope everyone here had a Merry Christmas (or "Happy Holidays," or whatever doesn't offend anyone).
Seems like yesterday, while at the same time feeling like it was a whole lifetime ago, if that makes sense.
No real cravings for oxys, but it has crossed my mind from time to time, like a past lover who who stole your heart long ago, one you loved once, and miss sometimes still.
Life is good...comparatively speaking.
Wish I had the guts to stop isolating socially, but I'm not there yet. I want to do this, but feel powerless to make such a scary change. Something as simple as a trip to the grocery store nearly sends me into a panic. So, I typically go in the middle of the night. I had a doctor's appointment last week, and couldn't cancel it because I always cancel them due to this phobia. So I went, and re-learned what I usually learn when I do go: "It's not as bad as you thought it would be, dumba$$."
Can't say this pathology is related to stopping the oxys though. It's plagued me long before. I will say that the oxys did make it easier to be social though. I guess I miss that part of our "relationship," but do know that I'm >100% better off without them.
Hope everyone here had a Merry Christmas (or "Happy Holidays," or whatever doesn't offend anyone).
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hey Jillian,
Big congratulations on your 10 months. I isolate socially too. I think it may be getting worse, or maybe I am just more aware of it now. I hope it gets better for you and Merry Christmas, New Year, Easter and Etc.
Natom.
Big congratulations on your 10 months
. I isolate socially too. I think it may be getting worse, or maybe I am just more aware of it now. I hope it gets better for you and Merry Christmas, New Year, Easter and Etc.Natom.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Natom 
Hey Jillian,
Big congratulations on your 10 months. I isolate socially too. I think it may be getting worse, or maybe I am just more aware of it now. I hope it gets better for you and Merry Christmas, New Year, Easter and Etc.
Natom.
Big congratulations on your 10 months
. I isolate socially too. I think it may be getting worse, or maybe I am just more aware of it now. I hope it gets better for you and Merry Christmas, New Year, Easter and Etc.Natom.
Not sure about you, but when I do force myself into going to things (kids' concerts, sporting events, etc.) I'm very glad that I did. It's the gettin' there that's the hard part.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Dee74
Congratulations Jillian
If you're having that level of anxiety about being in public though, maybe it's a good idea talk to someone about that?
D
If you're having that level of anxiety about being in public though, maybe it's a good idea talk to someone about that?
D
Yep ~ I've been in therapy for 14 years. What I'm able to do now, compared to then, is progress, believe it or not. At this point, I'm seriously thinking I'm on the Autism Spectrum and believe that being alone is just my "comfort zone," even though I am drawn to WANTING to not be like this. My doctor believes I have some ASD traits...this being one of them.
Not sure if I should just accept it, or fight it. It's easier to accept it as fact, rather than do the work to change things. But when I do go out on a limb and do something (ie. go somewhere other than work), I'm usually glad I did. It's the dread of doing it that keeps me from doing it (going places). So, if I decide early on NOT to do it, I don't experience dread and anxiety. But if I don't do it, I feel sad at what I missed out on.
That said, if this is my only current lot in life, than I'm good, and very grateful. God helped me through kicking oxys, so perhaps when I'm ready, he'll help me with this other issue...
Thanks again, Dee.
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