Loveblossom79

So my ex and I have been dealing with his drinking and it's effects on our relationship for years now. He went to an outpatient rehab (because I told him I was done if he didn't) the beginning of the year for 3 months and was sober for 6mo total...then he started drinking again (except hard liquer and beer instead of just beer), hiding it, lying, etc. I lost it after I found the bottles and it was a horrible horrible night that ended our relationship.

He moved out Oct 14th and hit his bottom November 7th when he poured out his alcohol and decided he was done. He's been to AA a few times at least and embraced religion like a fiend. Everything he's been saying and doing are a huge 180 turn from the last 9 years. We no longer live together and I have been cautious to become involved with him on a romantic level...but really want to be a support to him in whatever way I can right now...I wasn't even able to see him for 5 weeks because I couldn't deal with the pain he's caused our family.

I'm glad that losing our family finally made him realize what the drinking was doing...however i'm scared to death to go into this again and could really use some advice from others who know how he might be thinking at this stage of recovery. I know relationships are frowned upon in early recovery...but we've been together off and on for 9 years...so I wasn't sure if the "rules" are different for that...do we have a future?

dedubya

Wow. I dont know. But I can relate to that. Just follow your heart. It will guide you.
dub

Gringo

I don't know what to say. My wife had me thrown out of the house one week after I drank again about a month ago and she has not spoken to me since.

Dee74

Hi loveblossom

It's very hard for any of us here to tell you what your partner might be feeler - we may have the same problem but we're all individuals too.

If you're cautious - take it slow...he'll be dealing with a lot of things in his recovery right now anyway.

If he wants this relationship to work, he'll wait til you work out how you feel

I did want to give you some hope tho - I was a pretty bad partner as a drinker...I'm a million times better no having worked on my recovery and spent the time on myself.

I'm a thousand % committed to my recovery and to my relationship with my wife now.

I wish the same for you both

D

wpainterw

Don't rush it. Time will tell. In a way it's all up to him. If he relapses then he'll have more work ahead of him. If he sticks with it then both you and he will begin to feel more confident about the future.

W.

Anna

As Dee said, we are all individuals and we recover in a way that works for us. I hope that your husband continues with his recovery. I don't think there are any rules about relationships in recovery, but it's a good idea to remember to take care of yourself.

MsJax

All an alcoholic (sober) all I can do is implore you to put yourself first. Make him deal with himself. You might want to check out some codependency information too. I sure hope he is doing everything it takes to live sober forever.

renaldo

Wow. Sorry to hear that. Best of luck to you. I don't have any similar experience, but I can see that it's a tough decision. My heart goes out to you. Perhaps a support group for such situations would help.

For me, having a therapist helps... and having friends and family who I can talk with when I feel a need to... or just on a regular basis when I'm feeling good.

Coming here is a good idea, because tons of folks have been through similar situations as yours.

Maybe it's escapism, but for me, watching a dramatic film that I get engrossed in takes my mind off of my problems and gives me a couple hours of respite. Stand up comedy as well, although that's usually no longer than an hour.

Db1105

I suggest you contact your local Al-Anon group.

Loveblossom79

Hi, thank you all for your kind words...I have been to Al-Anon, but I guess i've just been saddened by how quickly i'm told to walk away from him just because we aren't married. I did go no contact with him for a few weeks, which is why he hit his bottom...so that was good. I am working on myself and keeping a healthy distance between us so that he can work on him...he has embraced faith and services and has been going to AA meetings. He said that it helps him to talk to me since I know his whole story.

TrixMixer

Hi Loveblossom,

Geez ya think Al-Anon would know the old "you can't help who you fall in love with" and realize that's a stupid thing to say.

IMOO it seems like you are handeling this relationship cautiously, but with love....and that is a good place to be. Take it day by day and do the best you can for BOTH of you.

Wishing the both of you a sober reunion!

TrixMixer