A lot to cope with coming up :(
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Dorris,
Just want to give you support here.
Unfortunately, another person who "understands".
We are all behind you.
Don't be bothered with your parents at this point.
I am too angry to write more at this time.
Big hug from another who understands.
And, to all the others who have suffered at the hands of degenerates and the loosers who left them off with it, find the way to peace even if you have to roll right over the enablers.
Queen Mommy, yeah, I know that one.
Stay Sober!!!!
Do not drink over this!
Take back your power!
And be good to your husband and children.
They are on your side.
:ghug3
Just want to give you support here.
Unfortunately, another person who "understands".
We are all behind you.
Don't be bothered with your parents at this point.
I am too angry to write more at this time.
Big hug from another who understands.
And, to all the others who have suffered at the hands of degenerates and the loosers who left them off with it, find the way to peace even if you have to roll right over the enablers.
Queen Mommy, yeah, I know that one.
Stay Sober!!!!
Do not drink over this!
Take back your power!
And be good to your husband and children.
They are on your side.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I'm so sorry your mother is adding to the upset and her cruelty towards you is just not right. YOU are the victim, not her.
you have no control over her feelings though, I agree and it is her foolishness that is causing her to make those ostrich choices. You may in time forgive her stupidity for yourself to move on.
please don't think drinking will help, it will magnify the problem. try to be grateful that you have beautiful children that you love and raise to be strong and compassionate and a husband who won't let you down.
you sound like a very strong sensible person who is overcoming so many obsticles :ghug3
you have no control over her feelings though, I agree and it is her foolishness that is causing her to make those ostrich choices. You may in time forgive her stupidity for yourself to move on.
please don't think drinking will help, it will magnify the problem. try to be grateful that you have beautiful children that you love and raise to be strong and compassionate and a husband who won't let you down.
you sound like a very strong sensible person who is overcoming so many obsticles :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
This certainly is not your situation, but let me tell you about what has happened in my family. Full of alcoholics, for sure.
My sister accused my father of sexually molesting her when she was a child. So now there is a family divide. Do I disown my father? Side with my sister? And other family members had to make a choice. Maybe your parents don't know the truth. If the Uncle, who would be one of your parent's brother, says it never happened. Ended up my crazy ass sister was lying!!!! My Dad was shunned. I never really took sides because I know how much my sister lied.
I'm just saying your parents may not know who to believe. If there was never an investigation from so long ago and it's another family member. Has your Uncle admitted to this?
Regardless, I still think your parents should be able to see their grandchild. It has nothing to do with that relationship.
Just remember, families are SO complicated. Especially when alcohol is involved.
Best wishes.
My sister accused my father of sexually molesting her when she was a child. So now there is a family divide. Do I disown my father? Side with my sister? And other family members had to make a choice. Maybe your parents don't know the truth. If the Uncle, who would be one of your parent's brother, says it never happened. Ended up my crazy ass sister was lying!!!! My Dad was shunned. I never really took sides because I know how much my sister lied.
I'm just saying your parents may not know who to believe. If there was never an investigation from so long ago and it's another family member. Has your Uncle admitted to this?
Regardless, I still think your parents should be able to see their grandchild. It has nothing to do with that relationship.
Just remember, families are SO complicated. Especially when alcohol is involved.
Best wishes.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
Dear D,
I have had many many misunderstandings with my Mum - I say one thing, she understands another thing her way...nothing to do with what I meant.
These things take time - try not to take it personally as it is n o t your fault.
She may feel very hurt by something that you are unaware of - could you speak to her?
I am the ultimate optimist who wants to repair all hurt :>)...please don't give up D x x x
I have had many many misunderstandings with my Mum - I say one thing, she understands another thing her way...nothing to do with what I meant.
These things take time - try not to take it personally as it is n o t your fault.
She may feel very hurt by something that you are unaware of - could you speak to her?
I am the ultimate optimist who wants to repair all hurt :>)...please don't give up D x x x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
As long as a stigma applies to sexual assault and domestic violence,
people will choose silence over confrontation and the law.
My friend was raped by her uncle when she was 11 years old.
She is in her late forties now and recently went to the police and made a full report.
All, but one female police officer had to leave the room in disgust when she recounted her story.
He is a known pedophile for decades.
They cannot get anyone to testify.
He has two daughters living on the streets, strung out on drugs.
His wife lives in a flat and is an alcoholic.
He was a "respected college professor".
She is beautiful, funny, warm, lovely.
She is getting better.
She too, became an alcoholic and made some poor decisions.
She married an abuser.
He put her in the hospital for a week and no case was brought because she was drunk and "he said/she said" applied.
I guess she could have fallen down and broken her cheek bone and had teeth marks on her arm.
If someone is "troublesome", perhaps that is why they are troublesome.
By the way, just because someone is "cleared", doesn't mean diddly.
They get cleared if no one comes forward willing to testify or corroborate an allegation.
people will choose silence over confrontation and the law.
My friend was raped by her uncle when she was 11 years old.
She is in her late forties now and recently went to the police and made a full report.
All, but one female police officer had to leave the room in disgust when she recounted her story.
He is a known pedophile for decades.
They cannot get anyone to testify.
He has two daughters living on the streets, strung out on drugs.
His wife lives in a flat and is an alcoholic.
He was a "respected college professor".
She is beautiful, funny, warm, lovely.
She is getting better.
She too, became an alcoholic and made some poor decisions.
She married an abuser.
He put her in the hospital for a week and no case was brought because she was drunk and "he said/she said" applied.
I guess she could have fallen down and broken her cheek bone and had teeth marks on her arm.
If someone is "troublesome", perhaps that is why they are troublesome.
By the way, just because someone is "cleared", doesn't mean diddly.
They get cleared if no one comes forward willing to testify or corroborate an allegation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
I have to say thanks again to everyone for your support I really don't think I would have got through the rest of the day without it.
I may have been rushed, (head going 100mph) and even thou I have been flitting in and out when I've had chance I have read all your replies.
You have kept me strong.
Tomorrows going to be another trying day, I have a Tax exam to sit tomorrow evening and the plan is to eat at frankie & Bennies to celebrate my son's birthday as soon as I'm done and I worry I will want a drink to relax because of today and the stress my exam is over. (I won't because I will be driving but it's the urge I worry about)
Love to you all xxx
I may have been rushed, (head going 100mph) and even thou I have been flitting in and out when I've had chance I have read all your replies.
You have kept me strong.
Tomorrows going to be another trying day, I have a Tax exam to sit tomorrow evening and the plan is to eat at frankie & Bennies to celebrate my son's birthday as soon as I'm done and I worry I will want a drink to relax because of today and the stress my exam is over. (I won't because I will be driving but it's the urge I worry about)
Love to you all xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Doris - I just wanted to tell you and share how I found my counsellor.
I went to my GP and was brutally honest, even the drinking.
My GP referred me to an NHS counsellor. It was free, not private.
I had about a three week waiting list and I got my appointment.
I had 10 weeks of therapy.
She was amazing.
My family life with my parents was filled with rows, shouting matches and hurt feelings about what happened. How I felt they did not protect me enough at the time then refused to acknowledge my feelings later.
Through the work I did with her, there has never been another row since. I have a different understanding of it now and I have tools to cope with it.
It was hard. It was tearful. It was painful. But I did it.
That woman who I saw was amazing. I think now she is a lot like Hollyanne in that she was strong and forceful but understood and had a caring, loving, protective warmth to her. I get that from Hollyanne's posts.
Please go to your GP and tell him/her and ask for some talking therapy help.
There are misconceptions with NHS about this type of help in that it is hard to find, there are massive waiting lists etc etc. But really that was not my experience.
Please, please go to your GP, you can only benefit from this and your husband and children too. Don't let him claim anymore of your life.
XXXX
I went to my GP and was brutally honest, even the drinking.
My GP referred me to an NHS counsellor. It was free, not private.
I had about a three week waiting list and I got my appointment.
I had 10 weeks of therapy.
She was amazing.
My family life with my parents was filled with rows, shouting matches and hurt feelings about what happened. How I felt they did not protect me enough at the time then refused to acknowledge my feelings later.
Through the work I did with her, there has never been another row since. I have a different understanding of it now and I have tools to cope with it.
It was hard. It was tearful. It was painful. But I did it.
That woman who I saw was amazing. I think now she is a lot like Hollyanne in that she was strong and forceful but understood and had a caring, loving, protective warmth to her. I get that from Hollyanne's posts.
Please go to your GP and tell him/her and ask for some talking therapy help.
There are misconceptions with NHS about this type of help in that it is hard to find, there are massive waiting lists etc etc. But really that was not my experience.
Please, please go to your GP, you can only benefit from this and your husband and children too. Don't let him claim anymore of your life.
XXXX
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Sasha-your story is inspiring. Thankyou so much for sharing.
Doris-I hope you can follow the same path and find your peace. No-one deserves what you're going through. Sasha has shown you a way through it to a better life. Stay close. We're all rooting for you. This is a very emotive topic for those of us who have lived through it and are still dealing with the relercussions into adulthood.
You are not alone xxx
Doris-I hope you can follow the same path and find your peace. No-one deserves what you're going through. Sasha has shown you a way through it to a better life. Stay close. We're all rooting for you. This is a very emotive topic for those of us who have lived through it and are still dealing with the relercussions into adulthood.
You are not alone xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Sasha I'm so pleased you found a way to deal with it and have the tools to cope.
I am seeing a councilor one who I refered myself to with regards to my drinking it was durning the weeks waiting for the appointment have this all come about again.
I have spoken to her about the abuse and she tells me this is something she can work with me on and teach me how to cope with the feelings I have as well as my problem with drinking.
Thanks for taking the time to share xx
I am seeing a councilor one who I refered myself to with regards to my drinking it was durning the weeks waiting for the appointment have this all come about again.
I have spoken to her about the abuse and she tells me this is something she can work with me on and teach me how to cope with the feelings I have as well as my problem with drinking.
Thanks for taking the time to share xx
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