irishgirl05

hey everyone.

i started getting into the forums back in may when i had a really awful weekend. as the sting of that weekend faded, i was on the forum less and less, thinking i could handle sobriety on my own and admittedly, not doing a very good job.

the past few weeks i have been reading but not posting. i really want to get/stay sober, starting today for the new year. i have not had a "rock bottom" moment or anything but the past two fridays in a row, i have driven drunk and that is super scary to me. no DUIs or accidents (by some miracle) but when i think of what could have happened i have this insane guilt.

my problem is, every time i swear i will never do that again. but i know as soon as i have a few sober days under my belt, i convince myself "it wasn't that bad" or "i wasn't THAT drunk" and the memories of the hangover and the embarrassment fade. does anyone know how to make these feelings last, as a motivator to not drink the next time? how to forgive but not forget?

ReadyAtLast

ah the memories do indeed fade!

For me, I look at it the other way round now. I don't think 'oh I'm not that bad really so I'll drink' I think 'I prefer to be sober, I prefer not to drink' I think wanting to be a non drinker is a more positive thing for me than being a 'not that bad' drinker (or really bad)

If that makes sense

sugarbear1

know in your heart you can't drink again.

stop comparing anything and everything.....

life is waiting for you!

Dee74

Welcome back irishgirl

for me, staying in SR longer than that first initial period really helped.

It's harder to think 'I wasn't really that bad' when you have your own old posts and everyone else's to refer to I think.

When you get those thoughts - come here - let us talk you down

D

OneLessLonely

Irishgirl, I remember you from when I first joined. I'm so glad to see you back. I think we messaged a couple of times about how impossible it all seemed. I think we are around the same age. Well I am telling you that is absolutely possible to start living your life without drinking. I have been sober since May 21st. It was challenging, and downright miserable at times, but it is possible and it is certainly worth it. To prevent forgetting how bad it is, write it down. Everything awful you've ever done, everything awful you've ever thought or felt afterwards, the financial cost, the physical health costs, the emotional costs. Write down horrific things that can happen from drinking, because it is progressive and you could start doing those things. Then write down every reason why you want to quit drinking. Everything you could save or accomplish from not drinking. And make yourself promise that you will read every word before picking up that next drink. Stay on the forums. Read the horror stories day in and day out from people who are just coming in or just coming back to remind you that it won't be different ever. Post every day in the class of December. Get to know the people quitting at the same time as you. Take care of yourself by not putting yourself into risky drinking situations. Take the time to build a foundation of not drinking. Be prepared how you respond in some possible scenarios that may pop up. Be prepared to be uncomfortable and don't fight it. Ask people here more questions. Also look into AVRT. It basically says the voice in your head saying "it wasnt that bad" or you "werent that drunk" is the voice of your addiction tricking you into drinking again. Youve proved it wrong over and over. Its lying. This is helpful to know. Best of luck and I'm really glad to "see" you again

Delilah1

Welcome back Irishgirl!

It really does get easier, I tried to stop a few times unsuccessfully, but never really lasted too long because I really hadn't committed to being done for good. After yet another night of way too much wine on October 11th I decided I was done (I was drunk when I decided this.) I made a plan for me that started with a visit to the doctor and with a counselor on October 12th. I have made sure to have alternate activities planned during my drinking times (games with my kids, exercise, reading, SR...)

I still go to an occasional meeting but rely mostly on SR. If you enjoy reading check out Anna's thread, lots of great books there.

I am a fellow Irish girl, and married into a very Italian family, drinking is a big part of every family activity. I realized at Thanksgiving that the only person who really cared about me not drinking was me.

Keep reading and posting on here, you can do this!!!

tomb

Welcome back. It took me seven DUIS to help convince me

instant

Forgetting and rationalising are what makes us go back. The good news is you can learn to accept this and make a plan.

Coming to SR every day reminds me.

doggonecarl

Some folks are able to retain vividly the final horror that brought them to their knees.

For the rest of us, we forget, and then the addiction starts working on our doubts about the extent of our problem.

You committment to sobriety has to be stronger than your memory. It doesn't matter if you forget how bad it was, just remember, YOU ARE NEVER DRINKNG AGAIN!

hamabi

The forgetting of disasters long enough to pick up another drink goes with our condition. Post-it notes left on your refrigerator or dashboard won't overcome it.

I've never heard a story awful enough that served for too long as an effective bar to the alcoholic picking up a drink again, so waiting for major awfulness because you believe it will solve your problem for you doesn't make any sense.

You may need more in the way of a solution than any simple tragedy.

OneLessLonely

How's it going today?

Mariah12

Wow... this sounds EXACTLY like me... I'm still trying to figure it out too... but I just try and keep reminding myself that 9 times out of 10 it IS that bad and there is a sting (don't know if it's the same for you), and that it is not worth feeling like that any more... and how good I will feel waking up the next day if I just don't do it

MIRecovery

Until I made the decision that my best friend, lover, and confident would have to leave each other forever, that I simply could not drink responsibly ever. Then with the help of others things started to get better.

2granddaughters

I attend AA meetings regularly.... Seeing the newcomers reminds me that it isn't any better out there.

I attend meetings regularly and work my program daily. Haven't needed a drink for over 23 yrs.

All the best.

Bob R