Breaking the unbreakable
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Breaking the unbreakable
When I was young I was very very naive. The pains of life took me by surprise.
My first heart break was not puppy love. It was not the loss of a fish or a turtle. It was not the loss of my favorite toy.
As a child of an alcoholic, as with so many others like me, that first break was searing. That first realization that the world was larger than bedtime and school.
Lessons came at me fast.
I learned to wrap myself tightly for protection.
As I grew and moved onward with the exuberance of youth I let that guard down to fall in love.
Again my naïveté paved the path to maturity. That sort of path can be painful to navigate but bountiful in lessons.
I reached a point of being unbreakable.
Until recently.
Alcoholics, as I am reading on SR, tend to understand at the molecular level what loss is all about.
Loss of self, loved ones, material things, self respect.
What distinguishes the survivor from the non survivor?
I just learned that accepting anything as unbreakable is certainly a fools journey. It has to break to be put together differently. My life.
Do nothing ... solve nothing. I kept trying desperately to solve addiction over there so as not to wake the baby.
More so the relationships that are toxic have finally eaten through and are burning deeply.
So it's time. Time to fully accept. Time to fully make the changes needed. Time to heal and move on.
My first heart break was not puppy love. It was not the loss of a fish or a turtle. It was not the loss of my favorite toy.
As a child of an alcoholic, as with so many others like me, that first break was searing. That first realization that the world was larger than bedtime and school.
Lessons came at me fast.
I learned to wrap myself tightly for protection.
As I grew and moved onward with the exuberance of youth I let that guard down to fall in love.
Again my naïveté paved the path to maturity. That sort of path can be painful to navigate but bountiful in lessons.
I reached a point of being unbreakable.
Until recently.
Alcoholics, as I am reading on SR, tend to understand at the molecular level what loss is all about.
Loss of self, loved ones, material things, self respect.
What distinguishes the survivor from the non survivor?
I just learned that accepting anything as unbreakable is certainly a fools journey. It has to break to be put together differently. My life.
Do nothing ... solve nothing. I kept trying desperately to solve addiction over there so as not to wake the baby.
More so the relationships that are toxic have finally eaten through and are burning deeply.
So it's time. Time to fully accept. Time to fully make the changes needed. Time to heal and move on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
You are so strong Ken. You will make whatever changes necessary I know.
Our troubled pasts can cloud our judgements and thought processes, but they also make us resilient and adaptable.
I have faith in you x
Our troubled pasts can cloud our judgements and thought processes, but they also make us resilient and adaptable.
I have faith in you x
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Has nothing to do with the thread but here is another Darwin quote
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
Charles Darwin
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
Charles Darwin
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
When I was young I was very very naive. The pains of life took me by surprise.
My first heart break was not puppy love. It was not the loss of a fish or a turtle. It was not the loss of my favorite toy.
As a child of an alcoholic, as with so many others like me, that first break was searing. That first realization that the world was larger than bedtime and school.
Lessons came at me fast.
I learned to wrap myself tightly for protection.
My first heart break was not puppy love. It was not the loss of a fish or a turtle. It was not the loss of my favorite toy.
As a child of an alcoholic, as with so many others like me, that first break was searing. That first realization that the world was larger than bedtime and school.
Lessons came at me fast.
I learned to wrap myself tightly for protection.
Becoming an alcoholic drinker when starting/being as a child is no joy either, yeah? Some hurts last forever, is my life experience. Still though, we can (must) yet venture forth even as we hold ourselves tight. Life is too short and sweet to waste it away
You're alright, Ken. You're waaaay on the otherside, imo. Past the point of play it again, Sam. You'll be okay. You got it going on. Honest Life Experience always trumps whatever mind-games played in addiction lala land, no problemo.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks Robby. I have been at the line and I was not sure when I would step out. Not sure what would do it.
But I am glad I have the motivations now. The strength to know its right without that doubt. Without anything unsure about the decision.
That actually brings releief!
But I am glad I have the motivations now. The strength to know its right without that doubt. Without anything unsure about the decision.
That actually brings releief!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Change is inevitable, when i've tried to stop it in the past i've always ended up getting floored by it . These days i try to bend with the tides of life around me .
Learning to let things go in thier natural course can be emotionaly painful especially if our aspirations (future ego) is tied up with it .. but it's also liberating .
I think my unwillingness to accept the world as it was, to accept change, to understand there is more to the world than is dreamed of in your or my phillosophy was a big factor in the depression i had .
Keep making the right decisions and priorities for you Ken and i think you'll do fine ,
Bestwishes, M
Learning to let things go in thier natural course can be emotionaly painful especially if our aspirations (future ego) is tied up with it .. but it's also liberating .
I think my unwillingness to accept the world as it was, to accept change, to understand there is more to the world than is dreamed of in your or my phillosophy was a big factor in the depression i had .
Keep making the right decisions and priorities for you Ken and i think you'll do fine ,
Bestwishes, M
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thank you M,
I just never thought this would end up here. But then again I never knew how I would end up anyway. Enough has been left to the wind. Time to put up a sail and at least try for land.
I just never thought this would end up here. But then again I never knew how I would end up anyway. Enough has been left to the wind. Time to put up a sail and at least try for land.
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