angelx

I found out recently that my very good friend has acute leukemia and is probably looking at six months to live. I freaked out and had some beer. I've been sober since, but really disappointed in myself. I have an appointment next Wednesday to get counseling and mental health care. I don't have insurance or money but I'm hoping to try to work something out. I really need to focus on myself right now. Life just seems pretty dim.

bryangt

Such a circumstance of a close friend is very sad and has a strong effect on you. The only thing I can suggest is to think that your friend may really need you at this time and it certainly would be a service to your friend to be there sober for them. I know it may easier said than done, but that would truly be giving of yourself to be there aware and alert to their needs rather than numb from drinking. I pray for both you & your friend. be strong for them & yourself.

PaperDolls

I'm sorry to hear about your friend angelx. Never easy to deal with news like that.

I'm glad to hear that you're seeking some assistance. I found that assistance I received invaluable to my recovery. It's never easy to ask for help but it is so worth it. There really is not reason to try to do this alone.

My advice is to continue to move forward and learn from this situation .... for the next time you go through something similar. It is possible to stay sober through anything. It may not feel like it at the time but I promise you, based on my experience, those things you are able to get through sober give you more and more strength for the journey ahead.

2granddaughters

angelx, are you going to AA meetings?

Yes, sometimes life does "seem" dim. It's not but it seems that way.

All the best.

Bob R

Junebugapril

Hi Angel,
The important thing is you know that you still want to be sober. It sure doesn't help to beat yourself up about it. What does help is to just continue on your path, and say that was just a bump in the road. I am glad you are here.
Junebug

Anna

I'm sorry for the situation with your friend's serious illness.

Life can be really difficult at times, but you can find healthy ways through these situations. I'm glad that you're looking at help and support for yourself.

artsoul

I'm so sorry about your friend. It's our knee-jerk reaction to want to medicate painful feelings. You're early in sobriety and something like this can feel so overwhelming. You need to forgive yourself..... you have an addiction, you're human, and this would be really hard for any of us.

It takes practice to learn to accept our feelings. Allowing ourselves to go through pain and hurt and be "not OK" is actually a gift, we just don't see it at the time.

Prayers going out for you and your friend..... :ghug3 I'm glad you posted today.

Dee74

I'm really sorry about your friend too - I think they'll need a lot of support over the bnext few months.

The best way you can give that support, and the best way not to lose yourself in despair, is staying sober I reckon, angelx

D

angelx

Thank you guys. I just woke up and read the news about the shooting in CT. What a sad week.

I feel guilty because I feel like I would have been a better help to my friend, but my license is suspended for a year. I think I am depressed. It's cold in my house and I don't have heat. I'm going to try to get it tomorrow, but to buy oil is almost $355, and I have to pay a court fine next week.

I'm pretty stressed out. This time of year is difficult.

Thank you for the support!

TTBABP

Hang in angelx. Sounds like you are having a rough spell but things do usually work out.

Dee74

angel - I assume you're in the States...

if you're having trouble meeting basic needs like staying warm maybe these guys at 2-1-1 maybe able to help - or at least set you in the right direction

2-1-1 Call Center Search

D

takintyme

Dear Angel,

My prays for strength and wisdom are with you.

Pondlady

Angel,
I'm very sorry about your friend. Try looking into the information Dee posted. Some utility companies offer assistance programs...not sure about oil companies....but is can't hurt to ask them.

Take care of yourself, then you can be a better support to your friend.

angelx

My friend passed away last Thursday.

It was a shock because, as I said, I thought he would have six months to live.

I have been completely sober since hearing the news.

Yesterday, I started working on a condolence letter for his daughter. I really, really want to have this sent out tomorrow.

And despite grief, I continued to show up to outpatient therapy for five days. One day I had to leave early because I was having a panic attack, but I made it through the day today.

Tomorrow is a me day, a day for healing and rest.

I'm so sad about my friend. It's hard to explain how much he meant to me, but I'll try. He did more for me and believed in me more than anyone ever has, and way more than my own parents ever did. He was not just a friend. He was sort of a father figure. Always there for me. And now he's gone.

I have regrets, too. I wish I would have spent more time with him, and been more present and kind.

But...I'm still sober. And I feel strength inside of me to get through this without drinking.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your loss, and that it was so unexpectedly soon, angelx.

I'm thrilled to hear you're still committed to recovery tho - I think your friend would be too

D

ReadyAtLast

i'm so sorry for your loss angel

Lyoness

I'm so sorry for your loss angelx. What a gift this person was to you. Clearly those gifts live on in you. I hope you find peace.

What a gift to you and your friend that you are sober.

ChristopherThor

Angelx, I can relate. When my dad died a couple of years ago I went on a binge. I quickly realized that I was in a crisis and that my tendency is to go back to my addict when I feel so bad. My recovery group helped me a lot. Group work really does help -- connecting with others, connecting with fellow addicts, connecting with friends. Hope you find this connection here and with your own group.

angelx

Hey everyone. Thank you for the condolences.

Sadly, on January 10, my best friend died of a heart attack. I have been in a daze ever since. I flew down to his funeral and drank exactly two beers on one occasion and one beer on another occasion.

The grief of losing two people so close to me in a month is unbearable. Both of these men were closer to me than anyone in my family.

I am still going to outpatient therapy every day. In two weeks, I'll be discharged.

I know that I have to keep seeking help.

I'm very sad and I feel like I'll never be happy again, but I couldn't even IMAGINE how horrible things would be if I was drinking.

So that's my sad update. I'm feeling downright numb.

healin

Hi Angel sorry to hear about your friend. If theres anything I can give to you it would be this, even though you decided to have a drink you did NOT fail but instead you produced a result YOU did not want and therefore you CAN continue to recover. Thanks for reading and best wishes