Drugssucks

Day 3 of no Xanax. I started out on Xanax about 3 or 4 years ago. Prescribed from my doctor, .5 mg twice a day. Then I started monkeying with my dosage, taking both at once or sometimes none at all. I thought I had a handle on it. My husband got shipped overseas, I moved away from my family and friends and "needed" something to "take the edge off". So, like an idiot, I started getting more Xanax, over the internet. I was taking anywhere from 2mg to 4mg a day, just popping them like candy. I realized my supply was dwindling and started tapering off, but I had no idea how long the recovery period would be and so I've run out. You'd think that as good as I am on the internet (I found the drugs there) I'd be smart enough to know I had a serious problem. I've also been drinking alot since my husband left. I have tapered that down as well, although I don't want to completely cut off both Xanax and alcohol at the same time. I even called an "addiction specialist" this afternoon for help, but got a recording and had to leave a message. Haven't heard back from them yet. This is hell, drugs suck and I just want to get clean and sober and stay that way. And I want my husband to come home. I'm miserable where I'm living, it's cold up here and I'm from the South. Also, being alone all day and night sucks. I just need someone to talk to and help me thru this. I can't believe how stupid I have been.

Drugssucks

Also, today is the first day I've had the energy to even leave my house since Monday. The days have blurred one into the other but I got up this morning (last night was first night all week without horrible nightmares), washed my dishes, did some laundry and much needed cleaning and then went to the grocery store. Felt good to get out and feel half-human again. I just can't believe how horrid the withdrawal is. I have so much to live for and be thankful for and drugs and alcohol have done me no good at all.

stepping

You can do this, DS

Welcome to SR!

Drugssucks

Thank you, Stepping! This is probably the worst week of my life, and I've had some pretty bad weeks.

Dave42001

Hang in there, Sister! I'm in the first month of my recovery and I was a mess.. There are so many wonderful people on this site around the globe that want to help..glad you got out today.. Just read some of the stories here and read more.. Post, and read.. What ever the addiction is pills, booze etc it plays games with your mind! And in my case this site really has changed my life for the better!! I'm not perfect and have had my up's and downs but I just keep coming back and reading and reading.. Haven't had a thing to drink all week.. I feel great and I was drinking for the past year about 200+ units a week.. Huge step for me... You can do this if you truly want change!! D

Natom

Welcome to SR DS,

You're going to find a lot of information and advice here. It's a good thing that you contacted an addiction specialist. We aren't doctors here and none of us are allowed to give medical advice but I would strongly suggest going and seeing a doctor before attempting any major detox.

Natom.

Drugssucks

Thank you Dave and Natom. I've read the horror stories about sudden detox and am not going completely drug free right now. Scared of what the sudden stoppage would do to my already compromised health. Until I can get into a specialist I'm taking a small dosage of Valium (5mg spaced out throughout the day) starting today and sipping on a glass of wine. Addiction Specialist didn't call me back so I'm going to call back tomorrow morning. I really am thankful I found this site. I have a grown son and a husband and a few cats that love and need me. Thank you everyone!

artsoul

Welcome Drugssucks!

Glad you're going to talk to someone - that's not an easy thing for a lot of us to do, but you'll be glad you did. The more help/support we have, the better.

Welcome to a great community - keep reading and posting!

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!! This really is an amazing community and you will find lots of support here.

Drugssucks

Thank you Art and Delilah. I just posted a new post. Day 4. Ugh. In some ways I feel better, but in some ways worse. I know the valium is helping me transition until I can see a doctor. I just hope I can get into one today. I don't know anyone up here and have no one to turn to for help/advice. I wish I was back home down south.

wpainterw

Drugsucks: Glad you agree with the wisdom of getting medical advice. Sounds like you're doing the best you can under the circumstances. Remember, you can always head for an ER if you feel that things are about to get dicey. Away back when I was seeing an M.D. for alcoholism, he gave me a prescription for 100 Xanax, with a renewable privilege! In retrospect I think there are those who would view this as malpractice. Fortunately I didn't get into any trouble but I didn't stop drinking- well maybe I did for seven years but then it started up again. I think that the Xanax did little more then give me a false sense of security.
I think that if you only hang in there, keep posting on SR and hopefully see an M.D. in the next 24/48 hours, things will start to brighten up for you. Don't let the holidays derail you. Every good wish. You have lots of friends and support here on SR.

W.

dedubya

Hey D
I went to rehab for klonopin. Dr prescribed, 4mg a day over 4 yrs. I totally get your message. It took few months, actually more but it went away, last use Dec 6 2011. But thank God I am no longer addicted to that crap. Keep it sober. Hang in there.
Dub