Even when it doesn't add up it still does
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Even when it doesn't add up it still does
If life is supposed to be about the sum of all our experiences then I really suck at math.
Some people, places, events add to you. Some take away.
Then.... On those rare occasions some things can multiple and divide...then seem to be able to add to you and take from you at the same time.
Are those the moments that catapult you?
What do we use for measuring sticks when in the deep end.... When all previous ways to measure seem pointless?
My life has never been about measurements. My self worth is not by comparison.
Dignity, respect, love, honesty.
Tricky little suckers.
Take honesty for instance. It's a quality that has added to me. Yet this week it has taken something away.
How did this happen ken? It's taken something with each dishonest word.
Dignity.... What dignity is there in running out of a hospital without pants? Yet I am a very dignified person. And I give dignity away.
I have learned with this its ok to add a little here... Subtract a little there. Hold on for when we multiply and pray when we divide.
The math still adds up to a lot for me. It always will. For me there is no other way.
So we shall see huh?
Some people, places, events add to you. Some take away.
Then.... On those rare occasions some things can multiple and divide...then seem to be able to add to you and take from you at the same time.
Are those the moments that catapult you?
What do we use for measuring sticks when in the deep end.... When all previous ways to measure seem pointless?
My life has never been about measurements. My self worth is not by comparison.
Dignity, respect, love, honesty.
Tricky little suckers.
Take honesty for instance. It's a quality that has added to me. Yet this week it has taken something away.
How did this happen ken? It's taken something with each dishonest word.
Dignity.... What dignity is there in running out of a hospital without pants? Yet I am a very dignified person. And I give dignity away.
I have learned with this its ok to add a little here... Subtract a little there. Hold on for when we multiply and pray when we divide.
The math still adds up to a lot for me. It always will. For me there is no other way.
So we shall see huh?
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I did all that no pants nonsense too...plenty of times. I consider myself dignified. Teacher, mom, blahblahblah...nut ward, police out front, whatever.
Here it is for me: When I drink I do way stupid stuff. None of those things happen when I don't drink. It's not really that "deep". As far as math goes...the equation will ALWAYS look like this for me:
me + booze = stupidity
Does that mean life is perfect simply because I don't drink? No. But it means I have a chance to figure sh*t out.
Here it is for me: When I drink I do way stupid stuff. None of those things happen when I don't drink. It's not really that "deep". As far as math goes...the equation will ALWAYS look like this for me:
me + booze = stupidity
Does that mean life is perfect simply because I don't drink? No. But it means I have a chance to figure sh*t out.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I suppose I made this post a bit dramatic. But I have to remind myself.
I did not fall. It's not because I was simply drunk. I did not get into an accident.
Someone hit me. Hard enough for a broken nose in two places and a fractured eye socket.
What I do with that I just don't know.
I did not fall. It's not because I was simply drunk. I did not get into an accident.
Someone hit me. Hard enough for a broken nose in two places and a fractured eye socket.
What I do with that I just don't know.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I understand. I've been hit too, among other things I won't go into. Took him back after he got out of jail. It's horrible.
Not drinking EVER gives me a chance to figure out why and how I do what I do...and let others do what they do.
You may not know the answers now, or even for a long time, but with continued clarity you have a fighting chance to figure it all out eventually.
xo
Not drinking EVER gives me a chance to figure out why and how I do what I do...and let others do what they do.
You may not know the answers now, or even for a long time, but with continued clarity you have a fighting chance to figure it all out eventually.
xo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
I suppose I made this post a bit dramatic. But I have to remind myself.
I did not fall. It's not because I was simply drunk. I did not get into an accident.
Someone hit me. Hard enough for a broken nose in two places and a fractured eye socket.
What I do with that I just don't know.
I did not fall. It's not because I was simply drunk. I did not get into an accident.
Someone hit me. Hard enough for a broken nose in two places and a fractured eye socket.
What I do with that I just don't know.
whether you were wrong to be drunk is a separate issue from being beaten up by someone you trust and are in a relationship with. Violence and abuse don't get excused because you drank. If you started the violence, you are in the wrong too, but that is something you will hopefully come to terms with soon.
:ghug3
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
I've never been any good at math.
I know that alcohol has subtracted good health, important relationships, and self esteem from my life for years. Sobriety is starting to add them back in.
A violent relationship is always divided I think. The trust diminishes with each incident. There can be no unity when one is abusing the other.
I think you're dealing with two separate issues but both are really important. Physical wounds will heal. Wounds of the soul take longer.
I know that alcohol has subtracted good health, important relationships, and self esteem from my life for years. Sobriety is starting to add them back in.
A violent relationship is always divided I think. The trust diminishes with each incident. There can be no unity when one is abusing the other.
I think you're dealing with two separate issues but both are really important. Physical wounds will heal. Wounds of the soul take longer.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Those things you said you had taken away, I'd say they were stolen by alcohol .
When we are drinking we're very vunerable to our lives spinning way out of control , we give away our control and rational power over situations . Things end up unmanageable .
Pick up the first drink, drink it and if you're a drunk like me you can't guarentee a good outcome , the maths always equals out to something being taken away . the first one i might be ok (other than liver damage , blood pressure and sweats) , i might ok on the second, maybe the tenth ?... maybe the 20th binge i end up dui the next day .. or argue with someone on the street and get stabbed , fall down the stairs , burn the house down using the grill ...
Before that first drink i'm rational and strong after it my power diminishes into a situation where i become a victim of curcumstance , effectively powerless .
For me alcohol is a fixed odds game not in my favour , thats how the maths works out for me ..
Bestwishes, M
When we are drinking we're very vunerable to our lives spinning way out of control , we give away our control and rational power over situations . Things end up unmanageable .
Pick up the first drink, drink it and if you're a drunk like me you can't guarentee a good outcome , the maths always equals out to something being taken away . the first one i might be ok (other than liver damage , blood pressure and sweats) , i might ok on the second, maybe the tenth ?... maybe the 20th binge i end up dui the next day .. or argue with someone on the street and get stabbed , fall down the stairs , burn the house down using the grill ...
Before that first drink i'm rational and strong after it my power diminishes into a situation where i become a victim of curcumstance , effectively powerless .
For me alcohol is a fixed odds game not in my favour , thats how the maths works out for me ..
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You are a great writer Ken....For myself...All the words in the world weren't going to keep me sober. It took action...And still does. I'm sorry for what you went through and I hope it was enough....Like the Big Book says...Alcohol finally beat me into a state of reasonableness....I'd had enough.
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