Joe7

So, I think it's time I gave up the bottle.

The realization has been coming on slowly over the past few months. I'm not exactly a long-time drinker; I'm only 22 years old, but I don't recall a single day in the past year and a half that I wasn't drunk at least once.

I've gone from having a couple beers a day to downing a handle of cheap vodka every two days. Now I'm near the bottom - Almost broke, and my girlfriend of 6 years has started finding the bottles that I've been hiding.

It's become a common practice for me to buy two bottles of water with my handle so I can fill them up and not have her or my other two roommates find them, but it has gotten out of hand. I've even hidden a pint in our mail box before. Every time I 'walk the dogs' I'm taking a rip out of a bottle in the trunk of my car.

Drinking had me flunk out of college a few months ago, and I don't think I could get back in even if I wanted to - No one in their right mind would give me a student loan anymore, not that I've had the motivation to try. Cards maxed out, always thinking the next bottle will be the last one, but it never is.

I know that medical advice cannot be given on this forum for obvious reasons. My question is how to best approach the situation, because I really do want to get rid of it. I've read on certain sites that going cold turkey can cause severe withdrawals, even death - Am I at the point to where it would be dangerous not to seek medical advice before trying? Could weening myself off by say, cutting my dose in half each day (Having ~500ml of 80 proof tomorrow, a pint the next day, a half pint the day after, then 2 shooters, then 1, then quitting)

This is probably my last chance to keep the woman of my dreams and live the life I want with her, and I wouldn't even bother if she wasn't around. It really is the last straw, though, and I really don't have anyone else to turn to for help.

I never believed people when they said alcoholism was genetic, but I can see the signs in my family now that I really pay attention - and now that I know what it feels like.

My biggest issue is the financial cost of seeing a doctor - as I said, I don't have a lot of money available at the time, and can't exactly walk into a clinic and pay $200 for a little advice.

I'm not going to get drunk tonight, but I'm still going to polish off the last of the whiskey and sake, at least enough so I can get to sleep.

Thank you guys for any help or advice you can offer.

- Joe

PS - tried quitting about a month ago, but within two days I was shaking uncontrollably, constantly on edge, and unable to think about anything except how to sneak in a shot. My heart was racing, and I think I might have been willing to do literally anything for my next drink. This is why I'm so afraid of going cold turkey tomorrow.

In the words of Sterling Malory Archer - If I stop drinking all at once, I'm afraid the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.

Cwbugycody

You can die from alcohol detox. I do segest medical detox. I know money is a major factor. Have you looked into state funded facility's. Do you have family that would be willing to help?start by finding a AA meeting , there will be some people there that can help. Take one day at a time, and easy does it. Good luck buddy!

Joe7

I wish I did. My father died a few months before I was born, and my mother is currently going through a divorce - the fact that she had a DUI herself last year means she doesn't have any way of helping me out either, as she's still trying to pay it off while paying legal fees. I have no other real family except my sisters who are both younger than me and still in high school.

Thanks for the post, I really appreciate having people to talk to.

Delilah1

You can also go to the ER, they have to treat you. You will find lots if support on here, but hopefully you can find some to help you through the withdrawals there.

Joe7

Thanks for the post.

That's definitely an option, but wouldn't I have to be in a state of full-blown withdrawal before I could go in? Not too excited on the idea of waiting until I'm on the borderline before trying to get some help.

Cwbugycody

Agreed ER. They can't turn you away. You might wait till you are showing sighns of dt's so they will treat you. Please be careful , I am not joking when I say alcohol detox can kill you. Please get help and stay sober. There are a bunch of good folks on here to lean on.

zeroptzero

I am not qualified (or permitted) to give you any medical advice or tips on tapering. I know it's easier said than done when money is tight, but this is your life we are talking about - please seek out a doctor/medical professional.
It sounds like you have packed a lot of drinking into your young life; I can certainly relate. I took many a trip outside to "take out the trash" that included my carefully opening my trunk, grabbing one of my hidden bottles and then ever so gently closing the trunk so as not to arose suspicion. That is no kind of life.
It is great that you are onto this at a young age. You absolutely have the ability to go back to school- to pursue anything you set your mind to. Jump into recovery and hang in there!

Dee74

Hi Joe - welcome

Having been on the bad end of a home detox I also recommend a Dr

Tapering never worked for me and it's not foolproof in being safe anyway.

There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around the US now - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search

D

Lyoness

I know you're not still in school but is there anyway you could go to student medical center at your previous school? Or call them to ask for a referral? Since you're in a big city there should be low-cost clinics or some level of medicaid available to you.

Joe7

Thanks again everyone.

My biggest question is this - should I continue drinking until I get medical help (hopefully tomorrow)? Not enough to get drunk, but enough to keep my system going until I get professional advice?

Or does that count as medical advice?

Dee74

I think that's one you're gonna have to weigh up for yourself Joe.

Whatever you decide for the rest of the night, make sure you get some professional advice tomorrow.

D

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, Joe7. I don't know what resources there are in CO, but the ER is a very good idea. I'd be surprised if there isn't some way a doctor or nurse would chat with you just to give you some options. I understand very well what it's like to be broke, but a bill or debt is just thing. But bills aren't problems, they're just expenses. Problems are things like dying or having severe DTs.

The thing about "rock bottom" is that you're never sure if you've hit it. So long as you drink things can probably still get worse, no matter how bad they are now. Lots of people have flunked out of school, including me. Now many years later I'm very close to getting my bachelor's degree in business management. As long as you're alive there are options. Every day above ground is a good one. Death is the only point where things can't improve for you.

I drank for 20 years. A lot. When I quit I quit cold turkey. I'm really surprised that I had no issues at all, no withdrawals, nothing. It was almost a miracle. But I advice you not to risk it. If you can taper on your own, great. I probably couldn't have. I don't have trouble not starting, but if I do start I can't stop.

Again, sorry if this isn't all that helpful. Check out the yellow pages. I strongly recommend looking for a local AA chapter. They can help you find the resources you need. No need to go it alone.

Lastly, I wish I'd have been half as smart as you at your age! I carried the awful burden of my drinking for decades before I got the sense to lay it down. Best of luck to you! You're on the right track.

newhope01

I strongly suggest you get medical detox and do not do this by yourself as detoxing off of alcohol can be deadly. You would be surprised how many low cost detox facilities are available if you just look for them like at a clinic or at least in my state call 211.