lilgolden73

Stress, wondering if I've been a good enough mother, never feeling good enough, the fact that I can't breathe right when I sleep, family issues, the fact that I was raised to deal with things totally wrong, physically feeling bad regardless of being sober for 2 months...family issues that weigh heavy on my heart.....the list goes on and on and on.....

AA may help I'm sure, so plz don't bring it up...tired of that too.... and wondering what my medical diagnosis is, besides the obvious crazy one..

No one is normal, that I am sure of, do you think these thoughts go through everyones brains?

I cried all the way to work over some stupid country song...pathetic I know....grrrrrr...life is too difficult!

Done and would like to run away for awhile....

Thanks for listening!

escapist

I feel like you. I am glad to be sober but I thought I would feel contentment. I don't. I don't breathe well at night either. Just finished antibiotics too. I am restless, worrisome, angry about things I can't fix. Ruminating over the past. Last night I had the worst nightmares. Contentment, where are you?

BabyJane

Just know that you are not alone. You have friends here. Real friends. People who have walked this difficult path before you and done it sober. I have five days today. I am a heroin addict. I have no money no job my family is a mess so the only one I can really depend on is myself? Well, not true. It isn't easy to ask for help or talk about feeling the way we do but that's how we get better! You're going to be ok!

DON'T DRINK OR USE NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Ask God or the Universe or whomever for some guidance. Look in the mirror and see how hard you are on the person looking back at you. Start to forgive yourself. No one is perfect. No one is immune to being flawed or utterly human.

I also feel at times that I have a serious mental / physical handicap due to medical issues. Overdue medical bills in the thousands of dollars here. But I keep on going. You can too! Thanks for you post!

2granddaughters

I'll honor your wish.

All the best.

Bob R

lilgolden73

Thanks...I am just plain over it...

lilgolden73

I am also irritated that I can't edit this post, as I said the list goes on!

TTBABP

I often feel as you do. Told my mother just this morning that I am so depressed I barely want to leave my bed BUT we must soldier on. I know I have felt like this before and it goes away for awhile and then I feel joy (or at least moments of it) I try to hang onto those moments in the dark times. I hope for some moments of contentment for you soon

lilgolden73

Thanks...also sick of this roller coaster emotional ride I've been on for what seems like my entire life...blah

Casmasta

Oh, Lola. Me too.
I feel like I'm a nutjob, like.. Always.
The thing that I'm learning now is to feel what I'm feeling, and then let it go when it passes... Because soon you will be feeling something else.
Sometimes that sad shite lasts more than a day.. And that can be scary, too.

Sometimes I'm having the best day, and I think to myself, "That person broke my heart" or "I'll never be normal" and just burst into tears.
One little thought, and I'm over the edge.

I'm still just trying to be.
You're going to be okay, Lola.
Ride this feeling out.
There will be a new one..

And remember that drinking won't make those family issues better..

I really believe that if you try to be a better person in life, you already are, you know...?
It's when we stop trying that we're really lost.

lilgolden73

This is true Cas.....I am really really trying, I am my own worst enemy!

Can I say, that I am also, very sick of christmas music as well??

escapist

You know Lola, I wonder if all this "sober discomfort" is part of the process we have decided to undertake. I can't explain precisely what I am thinking or feeling. I do not want to go back to drinking. I have never really had good coping skills. No one around me ever did either. I am looking at my life and seeing all that is lacking. Some of it is my fault some of it is not. I am exhausted from trying to "get it right' Does any of this make any sense?

lilgolden73

It makes perfect sense to me!!! I don't want to go back to drinking either....but I would settle for a few hours of plain old drunk every few months...just because....sigh

escapist

I know. How to unplug???? If I did'nt have so many rotten dreams sleep might be an option. I dream about things, people from my childhood sometimes. Like I said, the word for me right now is "discontent'

lilgolden73

Yes, discontent keeps hanging around me....jerk!

cfm

Diagnosis?????????????????????
Your suffering from untreated alcoholism.

lilgolden73

WOW....I think I figured out that much....and actually alcohol isn't the root of any of my issues, there were far to many before alcohol came along!

Wonderboy

I'm facing several family issues, too. But for me it helps to realize we can be our own teachers and our brains are capable of so much re-wiring that, if we choose, the past can just be the past. It's never going to be easy, but the process is a huge part of everything. Not just recovery, but everything. The process of cooking, for example, is incredibly soothing for me. Sometimes I make enormous meals just to keep myself occupied. It's expensive and I wouldn't recommend it, hahaha, but I'm only saying that because there is some humility to it (something I am not particularly good at) and you can't look into the future if your present is rocky. One day at a time, eh?

lilgolden73

WOnder! I love your thinking, and now I am hungry....

FreeFall

Lola, I'm feeling the exact same way. I just want to run away from it all and I can't. Wouldn't it be great to just catch a break from responsibilities and feeling down? I don't think there's an easy answer, but the advice to just ride the feelings out is good. You usually come across as upbeat and positive so I'm sure it will turn around for you soon.

Lol on the Christmas music too Every year the car commercials make me insane. Most people I know can't pay their bills and they're showing people giving cars for gifts? So insensitive and ridiculous.If I ever win the lottery I know exactly what cars I WON'T be buying!

I also agree that alcohol isn't the cause of every problem, nor is stopping the solution to every problem. It does exaggerate most problems though and make it harder to cope overall. That short term escape often costs dearly long term.

lilgolden73

Thanks Free!!! I am generally an upbeat person...I am allowed to be in a mood every so often..I guess. Being on here has helped alot, I think Iwill carry on and be annoyingly happy the rest of the day/weekend!