ragazza

All this is so scary. I'm trying to quit and i'ts not the first time. I just can't take it anymore. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I have been drinking heavily for the last 10 years, in secret. My family doesn't know, or at least that's what I think. I have an amazing husband and lovely children, a nice job, a nice house. What's wrong with me? My father was an alcoholic, he died young....

Dee74

Welcome ragazza

I know it's scary but you're among friends here.

We get it.
There's nothing wrong with you that we haven't got...there's often simply no reason to addiction.

Check out our Class of November thread in this forum for everyone who's quit this month. You'll find a lot of support there - it really helps

D

MycoolFitz

Welcome, together we can do this

Maylie

Welcome!

Know that you're not alone in this struggle.

Most of us don't know why we haven't stopped earlier, there is no rhyme or reason when it comes to addiction. All we know is that our lives are heading in a direction we don't like and luckily we have the option to stop drinking/using and with a lot of hard work we can put our addictions behind us.

Do you have a doctor you trust that you can go to and talk to? Quitting drinking can be dangerous health wise and it is always smart to consult a doctor.

Keep reading around here and posting,

Maylie

Rose2012

It's very scary. I'm terrified. But I think I need to be because this is a difficult challenge, and I need to face my fear of a sober life. I've been doing a lot of reading today and one thing that stuck with me is that any challenge worth accomplishing should feel uncomfortable because we're stepping out of our comfort zone. This comfort zone isn't always positive either, in my case it's a terribly comfortable rut. I'm happy to step out of it, but yeah, I'm scared poopless at the same time. I stopped asking myself "why?", because no reason is good enough for me.

Anna

It's very scary, indeed, but you can do it.

I hid my drinking from my family, I thought, but of course they knew. I just tried harder and harder to hide it and it was exhausting. You have found a safe place here and we do understand how difficult this is.

KAD

Welcome, ragazza! You're in good company here, among people who have lived, or are living, the insanity that is addiction. I can relate to your story. Everyone says to me, "You have so much going for you. You're not a bad person. Why won't you just stop?!" It wouldn't be so frustrating if I could give them a good answer, but it just comes out all wrong. I hid my drinking, too. The people I've confessed it to all said they had no idea.

Have you quit yet this time? How do you feel when you do, as far as withdrawals? Some, including myself, are able to stop with minimal ill side-effects but others need supervision to get through that initial hump.

You can do it. There are a lot of people here who will attest to that. I've done it before but screwed up and went back to it. Keep reading and talking, or just read if that's what you'd rather do. There is a lot of useful information here.

Pondlady

Welcome Rags,
It will feel good to stop hiding , that is just exhausting. I stopped five months ago - you can too

Hevyn

Hi Ragazza. I was scared, too. I had no one to talk to who understood the things I'd been through. Coming to SR relieved my anxiety and helped me feel hope again. I'm sure you'll feel the same way - congratulations on deciding to reclaim your life.

heath480

Welcome to SR ragazza.

desertsong

Change is scary, ragazza. But what I always ask myself is, is it good change or bad change? Of course giving up alcohol is a good change. But then we ask ourselves what we will do without it ... I'll tell you what we'll do without it - we'll THRIVE. Change is uncomfortable at best ... excruciating at worst ... but any change that excludes alcohol is a good one.

You will be okay. You're among people who understand. Hold our hands and look forward. There is a better life to be had.

Fernaceman

Sobriety is a very scary thing to look at. For me, drugs and alcohol were the problem AND the solution. Talking about taking my medicine away for EVERY situation in life was DEATHLY scary. Fear is what drove me. I was afraid of everything. And the only things that took the fear away were part of what was causing the fear in the first place. What a whirlwind of a merry-go-round drugs and alcohol are. WOW!

I am literally learning how to "live" again without the crutch. Life is getting better, it really is. I wish you well on your journey. Stick around. It's worth it.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR! Great move you are making. Baby steps get you where you need to be. Try not to stress to much, recovery is possible. You need to start beleiving in yourself, we will be right there with you ;-)

ragazza

My goodness, thank you all for your kind words, I have to say that I really feel a little less miserable today after reading your messages, your words touched me sooo much, they make so much sense: hiding is exhausting, my life is heading in the wrong direction, I need to face my fear of a sober life, change is scary......ecc. I feel so desperate, alone, sad and so wrong that you all look like great wise people!!!
Getmeout, I'm on my first day, baby steps as somebody wrote, but you all know how difficult is the first day. Specially because I was out with friends, and usually I need to drink to socialize, but I didn't drink. So far I don't have any withdrawal symptoms, only some anxiety and that constant, obsessive thought about drinking, (and a really wild, wacky stupid dream last night that left me trembling for half an hour, don't really know if it's related...)
Thank you all again, you have helped me, you have made me feel better and you haven't judged me,

KAD

Hi again! I quoted this part because my first day or 2 of quitting always brings bizarre dreams/nightmares. They are very vivid and "noisy." One quit a few years ago prompted one of the most frightening nightmares of my life. That's typical. Tomorrow I'll bet things will be settled down more. Glad you're feeling better today and we were able to help.

nogard

Welcome Rags glad your posting here, asking why is so exhausting, just know there is a solution and a booze free life waiting.

Delilah1

Welcome!! This is a wonderful site where you will find support and inspiration. It is scary, but you can do this. Read and post lots on here, and try to put as many supports in place as you can.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!!!!