New here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 33
New here
Hi everyone. This is my first post.. I guess I'm just looking for some support. I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic, but I definitely have a problem with binge drinking, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I've been trying to quit drinking almost since I started, when I was 15 (I'm 24 now). I don't know why I have such a problem with alcohol.. I've just never been able to stop like other people do. For the past two years I've actually toned down the binge drinking.. my problem now is that instead of having regular binges that only get sort-of out of hand, I'm having infrequent ones that get completely out of hand, and are far more destructive to me mentally (I suffer from depression & anxiety/panic). I'm fed up of not knowing when I have that first drink whether I'm going to be able to go home happy at a reasonable hour, or if I'm going to find myself waking up in an unfamiliar place not remembering the night. If I don't have the first drink, then I can be 100% sure that the night will go the first way.
I just wanted to post as a way to be accountable to myself. I've said 'never again' so many times.. I want this to truly be the last.
Thanks for listening
I've been trying to quit drinking almost since I started, when I was 15 (I'm 24 now). I don't know why I have such a problem with alcohol.. I've just never been able to stop like other people do. For the past two years I've actually toned down the binge drinking.. my problem now is that instead of having regular binges that only get sort-of out of hand, I'm having infrequent ones that get completely out of hand, and are far more destructive to me mentally (I suffer from depression & anxiety/panic). I'm fed up of not knowing when I have that first drink whether I'm going to be able to go home happy at a reasonable hour, or if I'm going to find myself waking up in an unfamiliar place not remembering the night. If I don't have the first drink, then I can be 100% sure that the night will go the first way.
I just wanted to post as a way to be accountable to myself. I've said 'never again' so many times.. I want this to truly be the last.
Thanks for listening
"Why So Serious?"
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Framingham, MA
Posts: 522
Hey Kitty
I was also a binge drinker who suffers from depression and anxiety. I never knew if I was depressed and anxious because I drank or if I started drinking because of my depression and anxiety. I guess in the end it really doesn't matter. I've also said "never again" more times than I could count and I'm hoping this time this is it for me.
Hope you stick around. There are lots of great people and lots of support here
- Jay
I was also a binge drinker who suffers from depression and anxiety. I never knew if I was depressed and anxious because I drank or if I started drinking because of my depression and anxiety. I guess in the end it really doesn't matter. I've also said "never again" more times than I could count and I'm hoping this time this is it for me.
Hope you stick around. There are lots of great people and lots of support here
- Jay
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
welcome to SR.
seems like you are on the right track. coming here is already a great step on your part. alcohol can be really evil and it sounds like you are finding it out.
i think you'll surprised what happens to your depression and anxiety after you've been sober for a little while (i mean at least a few months without any drinking).
... but you should figure out what to do with all the free time you'll have, because you won't be drinking or hungover. and what to do during those i "must" have a drink moments.
seems like you are on the right track. coming here is already a great step on your part. alcohol can be really evil and it sounds like you are finding it out.
i think you'll surprised what happens to your depression and anxiety after you've been sober for a little while (i mean at least a few months without any drinking).
... but you should figure out what to do with all the free time you'll have, because you won't be drinking or hungover. and what to do during those i "must" have a drink moments.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Hi Kitty! Welcome to SR!
I also used to be a binge drinker, then it became daily use. And by daily I mean I started in the morning and didnt stop till I passed out.
So If you are noticing this pattern now I think it is fantastic you have made a decision to quit. I understand being terrified of not knowing what you will do after that first drink. But life doesnt have to be that way
I also used to be a binge drinker, then it became daily use. And by daily I mean I started in the morning and didnt stop till I passed out.
So If you are noticing this pattern now I think it is fantastic you have made a decision to quit. I understand being terrified of not knowing what you will do after that first drink. But life doesnt have to be that way
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
Hi Kitty,
I am new here too. I decided that I was a problem drinker and needed to stop. I was battling with the question, "Am I an alcoholic?", then I realized it doesn't matter if I am or not. In my heart I know I have a drinking problem. I stopped drinking for two days, got frustrated on Friday and slurped down a whole bottle of wine in an hour. Since then I have not had a drink, and I have cravings every day. I went to a couple of AA meetings and they were meh. I feel like I get more of the support I need right here. I am more of a forum than a face to face person, I guess.
I am so glad you are here.
JunebugApril
I am new here too. I decided that I was a problem drinker and needed to stop. I was battling with the question, "Am I an alcoholic?", then I realized it doesn't matter if I am or not. In my heart I know I have a drinking problem. I stopped drinking for two days, got frustrated on Friday and slurped down a whole bottle of wine in an hour. Since then I have not had a drink, and I have cravings every day. I went to a couple of AA meetings and they were meh. I feel like I get more of the support I need right here. I am more of a forum than a face to face person, I guess.
I am so glad you are here.
JunebugApril
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Welcome fellow binger....day 6 for me and I know the routine....the mental anxiety is much worse than the hangover. If you are like me then there is no way to control it forever, you can go sometime with moderation and then glug glug glug.....it isn't your fault, it is in built in us....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Luxembourg (from UK)
Posts: 106
Hi Kitty,
I am new here too and your story reads exactly like mine!! I am a binge drinker who has finally had enough of the anxiety and depression caused by alcohol. . .. . stick around and hopefully we help support one another.
Welcome to civilisation!!
x
I am new here too and your story reads exactly like mine!! I am a binge drinker who has finally had enough of the anxiety and depression caused by alcohol. . .. . stick around and hopefully we help support one another.
Welcome to civilisation!!
x
It's good you're doing something positive while you're still young so you won't grow up with a ton of regrets.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Welcome Kitty. I wanted so much to be able to have 'a few'. Over the years, I almost destroyed my life proving it wasn't possible. I ended up a sick, shaking, dependent mess. This never has to happen to you. I'm glad you found us!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by kittycat00 
If I don't have the first drink, then I can be 100% sure that the night will go the first way
I completely understand where you are coming from when you say you never know how the night will end up.
It's a miserable way to be.
And when you wake up and the night did not go to plan, thats miserable too.
But you never have to feel like that again ever if you just avoid that first drink.
We understand here.
Keep reading and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome! We can get obsessed with affixing labels to things. The label isn't that important. The main thing is how you feel. It's a terrible feeling to know you can't control how many drinks you will have. I know full well that feeling! I can't count how many times I decided to just have a couple at bedtime to help me sleep only to find myself drinking several bottles until the sun came up.
To me, trying to stop yet being unable is a big red flag. So is the inability to control yourself or stop at a preset limit. You're smart to see those red flags for what they really are- they're signs. Alcohol can be very destructive, but there are thousands of road signs on the path to oblivion. We keep driving past one after another, but if we're lucky we notice them before it's too late. Luckily, if you're alive and reading this it's not too late!
SR has been a big help to me. I hope it helps you, and I hope you'll use whatever resources you need to quit drinking and get your life back!
To me, trying to stop yet being unable is a big red flag. So is the inability to control yourself or stop at a preset limit. You're smart to see those red flags for what they really are- they're signs. Alcohol can be very destructive, but there are thousands of road signs on the path to oblivion. We keep driving past one after another, but if we're lucky we notice them before it's too late. Luckily, if you're alive and reading this it's not too late!
SR has been a big help to me. I hope it helps you, and I hope you'll use whatever resources you need to quit drinking and get your life back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 33
Thanks everyone I know that my situation is really not that bad at the moment, but having seen how fast things can progress (close friend went down this road), I know that this is something I need to get a handle on NOW. I already have so many regrets and things that have gone wrong due to drinking - from now on I don't want to add any more to that list.
I know that my situation is really not that bad at the moment, but having seen how fast things can progress (close friend went down this road), I know that this is something I need to get a handle on NOW. I already have so many regrets and things that have gone wrong due to drinking - from now on I don't want to add any more to that list.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 79
Kittycat, thanks for sharing your experience. I am 30 and just a few days ago when I joined this site was the first that I had ever reached out for help with alcoholism. And I can say the bright side for you is you're only 24, I wish I had done this 6 years ago, I can't imagine how much damage to my mind and body I could have avoided.
I didn't have much of a problem with anxiety until about 2 years ago when I started having frequent and uncontrollable panic attacks. I didnt want to admit it at the time, but it was no doubt a direct consequence of my chronic alcohol abuse. Since then I had cut down quite a bit on the frequency of my drinking heavily and blacking out, but given my recent experience, which was the worst blackout i've ever had, I realized that I will never be able to control my drinking.
I can't speak for you, but I hope that if you realize that you can't control your drinking, you nip it at the bud and choose to abstain from alcohol for the rest of your life. If I had made that choice 24, I can't even imagine how much I could have accomplished in life by now.
I didn't have much of a problem with anxiety until about 2 years ago when I started having frequent and uncontrollable panic attacks. I didnt want to admit it at the time, but it was no doubt a direct consequence of my chronic alcohol abuse. Since then I had cut down quite a bit on the frequency of my drinking heavily and blacking out, but given my recent experience, which was the worst blackout i've ever had, I realized that I will never be able to control my drinking.
I can't speak for you, but I hope that if you realize that you can't control your drinking, you nip it at the bud and choose to abstain from alcohol for the rest of your life. If I had made that choice 24, I can't even imagine how much I could have accomplished in life by now.
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