Sasha4

Please, please, please watch rain in my heart.

It is a life changing documentary.

I don't think I will ever forget the images I saw on that programme.

It deserves massive respect in terms of being a truthful resource for getting sober and seeing how bad it could get.

There but for the grace of God go I ......

Junebugapril

Hi Everyone!!!!
It feels like family around here So happy to see you all. I loved Rain in My Heart. It was a real eye opener. I am so happy the person who made that documentary had the courage to do it.

It is way past Wine O'Clock and I have some big time cravings right now. Yikes, I will have a nice drink of something that tastes really good that is not liquor and realize I am just cranky, thirsty, tired, did I say cranky, and hungry. I do not have to drink, I do not have to drink. Just for tonight. If I want a drink tomorrow, I can have one. But tonight I do not drink. Just for tonight.


Junebugapril

Junebugapril

Pshew! I made it another day. I so wanted a drink last night, but I fought off the cravings. I have an appointment today with a liver specialist at a university hospital. He specializes in research on Hepatitis C. The last doctor I had wanted me to get the interferon and ribavarin treatment. It is a type of chemotherapy. It causes depression. I take Prozac. I am really afraid of the Interferon and Ribavarin treatment sinking me into a deep depression, so I have avoided it.

There is new work being done on a two-pill treatment for Hepatis C. I hope to find out about it today.

I hope I don't have to have another liver biopsy. Ouch!

Junebugapril

Hi FitDrinker! You are precious for saying that!!! Thank you so much I am so happy to see you here. Thanks for being on this journey for me.
Junebugapril

phoebe64

June, I am thinking about you today. I hope you have a good fit with your hepatologist and get some good news.

And glad we both made it through last night!

Junebugapril

Hi Rochele,
Thanks so much. I am so happy we are friends! I love that we are messaging each other with progress. It really helps. I am thinking of you today too. Yay, we made it through last night.

We both had cravings pretty badly last night, didn't we? You wanted the "Yay, I made it through another day" reward drink. I wanted the "I am angry and lonely and tired and hungry and ticked off and crabby drink". But we both made it!

Is it true that if we don't give it up to a higher power we will never be truly free? I am reading the big book, which says that.

Junebugapril

freshstart57

There are lots of options for folks who are new to sobriety including alternatives to 12 step programs and spiritual forgiveness based approaches. For me, facing a daily recurring battle over the urge to drink was going to lead me back to the bottle. I needed a way to find that no-drinking-period way forward on my journey. I found it.

I wish you success in your sobriety, JuneBugApril. Just as you said in your post title, believing in yourself and your ability to quit is at least half the battle.

phoebe64

I see here there is more than one method of recovery.

For me, and only speaking to myself, I find AVRT, as much as I have read, to be very empowering. I prefer to feel like I do have power and control over myself and alcohol(power to get it out of my life). Not sure I am of the mindset that I need to surrender to anyone or anything.

But, I say all of that not having any experience in any of it. Just what I feel from researching and exploring how I might tackle my "demons."

Junebugapril

I'm back from seeing the liver specialist. The doctor said I have an enlarged liver

He also said NO DRINKING at all. Period.
I really wanted a drink when he said that.

He didn't say why my liver is enlarged, but I talked to the nurse, and she said it is from drinking.

The doctor ran a bunch of blood tests to see if I will be a candidate for the pill therapy for Hepatitis C. I scheduled an ultrasound but I don't have to have another biopsy yet. My last biopsy five years ago showed Stage 0 fibrosis, and that is a good thing.

This doctor is on the cutting edge of all the research being done on Hep C. I can get into one of his clinical trials now, but I want to wait until the therapy is approved. He said the drug should be approved in around a year.

Pshew! I want a drink. I am going to go to a meeting today. I can't drink, I can't. Just for today. Tomorrow I can, but just for today, no drinking.

phoebe64

Hi Junebug. Hopefully the swelling will go down with the quitting of the drinking. Good luck with the ultrasound and hope you do not have to wait too long for all your tests and follow up. Waiting it the pits.

I know you feel stressed, but drinking will only add more layers to the issues you are facing.

Hugs,

Rochele

Junebugapril

Thanks Rochele, I am so glad to have you here! I couldn't get an ultrasound appointment until December 10, but that's okay because the swelling should be down by then if I can stay off the booze!

Oh boy I want a drink. I am going to go to a meeting today if it kills me.

IndaMiricale

I know for a fact that the meeting wont kill you but the drink will . I will be at at least one meeting today also.. Keep coming.

Junebugapril

I have not been to a meeting. I am so resistant to going to meetings. AA brings up many memories of my ex that I am trying to forget. He was a secret boozer and a druggie. I never knew he was doing it. Well I think I knew but never was sure.

Sasha4

June

There is a thread on here by Zee that is about her liver.
Use the search and look under Zee, I am sure that will bring it up.
Have a read and see how ill she was and then the results. Quite amazing.

The liver is an awesome organ in terms of how it can regenerate itself.
But you have to look after it.

I think you also need a bit more clarification from you doctor....although if he says that the swelling is not from drinking would that encourage you to drink again?

You have had some bad news, but don't drink over it, you will only feel worse. Things could be much, much worse and it sounds like there is a lot of hope there.

Perhaps this is also why you found us? You were meant to find us to help you have the best possible healthy future?

I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you xx

Junebugapril

Waiting for the meting to start. Yikes I think I picked the wrong meeting looks like skid row

Anna

Hi,

You are brave for facing the music and going to the dr to get the help and info that you need. The worst thing is not knowing and worrying. Now, you can take care of yourself and do the best for your body.

Sasha4

Just hang on in there.
Most people don't put on their sunday best for a meeting nor do they have full make up and a blow dry!!

Proud of you Xx

Junebugapril

Thanks, Sasha! It went pretty well. One guy actually bought the Big Book for me. I went in kind of a rough neighborhood for my first meeting. A few people gave me their phone number.

Junebugapril

xoxoxoxox

Magnificent7

Junebug, I think you are going through a lot right now, our best wishes are with you! Just remember better times are ahead. This too will pass.

And, whenever you get cravings just remind yourself what it tasted like when you were 12. The stuff tastes nasty!

Junebugapril

Thank you all for being so awesome and sharing your stories. Please, make this your thread as well as mine, let's share our experiences!

Mag, thanks so much! Oh but red wine tastes so yummy. Darn it, I miss it. I didn't start drinking until I was old!!!

I am going to another meeting tonight. The one I went to earlier had gang bangers talking about selling drugs and how much money they had made from it, yikes! And guys coming in 20 minutes late with papers to sign, and they left after 10 minutes with their signed papers. That seemed like cheating. Oh, and cell phones kept ringing throughout the meeting, people walking in and out, it just was not a nice happy feeling.

So I figure if I go to yet ANOTHER meeting tonight, in my own neighborhood, that people will be more respectful of each other.

Yay, I am proud of myself. And proud of YOU. And happy we are sharing this wonderful healthy journey.

We can do this!!!