araisbec

Hello all,

This is my first post ever on a recovery forum. I have never joined one before, and decided that it might be beneficial to my well-being to try it out this time around. After all, my addiction has left me very isolated from everyone but immediate family...

A little about me:
I am 21, in my final year of computer science at a university, and am a heroin addict. This is my second time hitting my perspective of rock bottom (having to pack my bags and leave school because I am very addicted and am failing my courses). I have never been to rehab, but am seriously considering it this time around. The last time, I came home and sobered up, but never really ditched the "Drug Addict Persona", which I believe is what caused me to fall back on all my progress I had made.

As I am writing this post, I am packing my bags to go home to my family and take time off school. I have some mental health issues (I am on prozac and concerta) that I also believe I need to further address before my life can progress any further from it's current state.

Anyways, I really like the idea of this community - and the fellowship it provides - and I do look forward to posting here; I hope to get some advice and motivation from all of you, as well as contribute where I can to help others in this journey. I am currently somewhat optimistic about my future, and I am really hoping for the best this time around. I need this to work, and my family needs this to work. I can't bear to cause them anymore grief then I already have...

wpainterw

Araisbec: That's so nice that you have decided to join this SR community! I'm sure you will find lots of folks who can help you in your journey to recovery. I am not a heroin addict but, rather, an old fashioned alcoholic but I guess that all these addictions have quite a bit in common. You sound like a very level headed person with a mature and realistic attitude towards your issues. Anyway, welcome and do post as often and as much as you care to. Every good wish.

W.

Anna

Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

I think you're making a good decision about taking some time to get yourself together, with the help of your family. Hopefully, you will be able to return to school before too long, with renewed health.

It's interesting that you said you never got rid of the drug addict persona during your previous attempt at rehab. It's so important to remember that stopping the drugs/drinking is just the beginning. It takes a lot of work on ourselves in order to successfully recovery. It could be that counselling or a recovery program could be helpful for you. Also, I'm glad you recognize the importance of dealing with the mental health issues.

Thepatman

Welcome! You are brave. Awsome people here. You have to do the work but it's nice to come here and not feel judged by anyone.

Twenties

Welcome-I am also 21, going on 22, and in my 4th year at a university, struggling with alcoholism. Had to take the rest of this semester off. Don't beat yourself up while you take a break- I've said this before, and i'll say it again- whether your in school or not, striving for sobriety is still making progress in life

Good luck and continue to post, it's been a huge help to me.

H10176

Man I remember how I was 21 and a heroin addict. I'm now almost 37 and still battling with it. The only reason I say that is because I often think about my early days with The habit and it only gets worse, never better and nothing ultimately good has ever come from it. I created my own personal hell with the temporary relief being on the horse. It's only progressed from a small little thing to slowly destroying me from within. I wished I woulda quit and never touched it again in my 20's but over time I only would do less stopping and more of what I craved. I'm now going through it all again trying to get clean or eventually it's gonna kill me. Best wishes, you can have a better life.

araisbec

Hello,

First, I am sorry for never responding to my original post; I went to make an account here today, and completely forgot I had previously signed up here and posted.

I have had a very rocky time since that post. I have been home like I mentioned, and was suicidal for some time. I have been seeing a new psychiatrist who switched me from Prozac -> Lexapro, and Concerta -> Vyvanse... it has made a tremendous difference in my underlying depression, isolation, and Inattentive ADD. However, this did not stop me from relapsing. I am currently coming off a month long binge of Poppy Tea.

My self-confidence, self-worth, and motivation to continue right now are at an all time low. I attended an AA meeting (second one ever) last week, and plan to continue bi-weekly for now to see what I can get out of it. I will be visiting this site regularly from this point on, and responding to posts, so I would appreciate some support.

My biggest issue atm is distracting myself from using... I obviously feel like a rat's ass right now, and that combined with school work (decided to finish my final semester online) makes abstinence from drugs fairly difficult. Also, all of my friends are out of town for school, so I have really nobody to hang out with. Any recommendations? I have been producing electronic music as well as doing web development to keep myself occupied (thank you Vyvanse), but that only goes so far.

Again, I am sorry about ditching this thread originally; I was VERY messed up and suicidal at the time, and completely forgot about it. I am at least fairly mentally stable atm, but I am expecting hell on earth when the Poppy withdrawals peak...