MycoolFitz

She was sober 7 years and I snuck alcohol in her house. It was Christmas but I still think about it. Like hammering a nail in wood you can pull it out and patch it but the hole is still there. Every day now I thinki about honor and duty.

MycoolFitz

I think why making amends may ne my toughest thing because it btrings out so much guilt. call did not go so well but I did it.

Purplecatlover

I'm proud of you for reaching out. Making amends is hard. I'm sorry she was not as receptive as you'd like but don't let guilt eat at you either. That is fertile soil for addiction.
You must forgive yourself for the things you did while addicted.
I felt like Jekyll & Hyde for a long time.
There was this nice sweet caring little woman on one side & a lying cheating stealing horrible monster that could not be stopped, on the other.
What's done is done.
You can't change the past.
Look forward to all the good that you still CAN do.
You rock Fitz

MycoolFitz

Thanks, Have a great ability to beat myself up

MycoolFitz

Really I think I just understood it is not so much about forgiveness but acceptance. And not forgiveness but going on. Nothing goes back only forward. Only sobriety can give me that.

chicory

That took a lot of courage, MycoolFitz.

You are moving on!

MycoolFitz

I was just afraid but needed to do it