Carly2332

Hi all! I hope everyone is well. After some weeks of being sober, I honestly lost track of the number, I think it's 5 or 6...I drank some beer. I didn't see this coming, but here it is...It wasn't enough to get drunk, but does it really matter? I felt like I needed to come clean, but I'm too scared of the disappointment of my family/friends. I also don't want anyone to worry about me going back to my old habits. I felt better than I have in a while, after I'd been off the alcohol for some time and I don't want to go back. I'm having some trouble with myself lately. I don't like to be alone right now. Not that I always needed to be around people, it's just when I'm having bad thoughts and I have nobody to talk to, I get worried that I'm going to resort to my old solution. My counselor hasn't helped much. I'm lonely...the irony is that, everyone was worried about me going back to live with my boyfriend who drinks regularly (every night), and I've had no problem with not drinking while I'm around him. He's away on a trip right now, and I've drank.....

Natom

I've literally just made a thread about being lonely Carly. I'm sorry that you had a slip but maybe you needed this slip to help you put your recovery into more perspective. Loneliness is one of the key things that causes addicts and alcoholics to relapse. Have you not got anyone you can phone on a daily basis to check in with. Or anyone you can have skype conversations with or anything like that?

Natom.

Carly2332

The thing is, I do have friends. And family that care. But, did you ever feel like you didn't wanna bother the same people that you bothered while you were drinking? I've drunk-dialed too many times I guess, now I don't want to speak honestly to these people about how I'm feeling, because I don't want them to think I'm headed for relapse. But I might be headed that way if I don't get my feelings out. This is just a shock to me because I was feeling so good. And now I don't....I guess I was naive to think that the battle was won.

Natom

I attend NA so obviously my opinion is biased but I got to the point where I thought I had won the battle. I stopped going to meetings, stopped ringing people etc. I relapsed soon after and realised I had a problem that I constantly need to keep in check.

Carly2332

I need to do something. I've realized that just stopping drinking isn't enough. It was enough at the beginning, but I obviously need to work on myself in other areas to ensure that I stay sober. I need better coping mechanisms and to be ok with myself. I've had a few battles in my mind, wanting to drink, not wanting to drink...the "not wanting" has always won, until now. But, I'm not giving up. Sobriety felt too good to give up.

Natom

Maybe if you are not against the idea you should go to an AA meeting. Here's a list of AA meeting resources in your area. Call them and find out where the meetings are

Alcoholics Anonymous : Local Resources that provide A.A. Meeting Information

Natom.

Anna

Carly, you are absolutely right that just stopping drinking won't work in the long run. It's also necessary to look at ourselves and make changes. I used to have an awful time setting boundaries in all areas of my life. I couldn't say 'No' to family or friends and if I did, I felt terribly guilty. As time went on, I lost myself and became depressed. There were many things for me to work on.

Be proud of what you've accomplished and that you know you need to make some changes in order to continue your recovery.

Carly2332

Thank you Natom. I've been thinking about going to a meeting. But my feelings are always changing. I started going to AA about a year ago and left. There are some things I like, but also some things that I dislike about it. It was good to be around other people with a common problem though. I'm gonna go...Thanks again

Natom

Maybe you are in a different state of mind now, maybe you will get more out of it, maybe not but you won't know until you go.

Carly2332

Anna, you are so right. I'm a bit of a people-pleaser, always want to make other people happy...I don't think I stand up for myself the way I should. I internalize feelings alot, and when I drank, eventually it all came to the surface. Now, that I don't have an "excuse" for getting overly emotional (borderline psycho lol) I don't know how to let it out in a healthy way. I'm so much more aware of myself when sober, and I don't want to act "off"...

MycoolFitz

I am probably the only guy posting on this but that is me. For me I have had my share or relapses the worst thing was the cover ups even to myself.

Natom

Yeah cover-ups were a right pain.

Carly2332

That's true Fitz. I can't lie to myself. I can't look someone in the eye and tell them I've abstained either. Because that wouldn't be the truth. I've never been good at lying lol.

Natom

I'm REALLY good at lying. It's one of my 'best' character defects lol. Warped mind. As much as I have to lied to other people the person I was lying to most was myself.

Carly2332

I thought I was good at lying about my drinking, but I'm not sure. It's different this time though. It was easy to lie when my mum asked me if I was drinking. I told her no everytime, but she knew I was anyways.

Natom

I can't lie to my mum, she looks me in the eyes. I try, I just never get away with it.

Carly2332

My mum could just tell from talking to me over the phone. I never thought I was slurring, but recently a friend told me that it was nice to talk to me without me slurring my words...I was surprised....seriously.

MycoolFitz

Well i prtty much have no one to lie to but myself and I am pretty sure when I am doing it.