overwhelming urge to drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
overwhelming urge to drink
I had a good day, didn't have a desire to drink. I went to the movies w a fellow aa person. Before a meeting we stopped at a cafe that I took us to specifically because they don't serve alcohol. I thought. Guess at night, its bring your own. There seemed to be open bottles of wine at every table. I.voiced my craving to my friend, felt better & we hit the meeting. Halfway thru i lost focus. The urge to drink was worse than ever. It was an outdoor meeting next door to a bar! I could hear loud music, people laughing outside, it was awful. After.I left I went into auto pilot like old relapse days. I found myself driving to the liquor store. It took all I had to keep going. Then I had a panic attack. Spoke w my sponser. I'm home now but still struggling. Hoping tomorrow is better. At least or at most, I'm sober.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Triggers seem to pop up at the worst times. You should feel really proud that you bypassed:
-wine at the restaurant
-the bar across from the meeting
-the liquor store on the way home
I think that makes for a really successful night.
-wine at the restaurant
-the bar across from the meeting
-the liquor store on the way home
I think that makes for a really successful night.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Proud of you for rising above it, quit. I'm sorry you had such a challenge to face, but you made it. As we always say - it does get easier and less intense as you get some sober time behind you. That's a promise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Thanks guys. My sponser said to eat chocolate too. Guess I did pass a few tests, albeit I am upset for even feeling like this. Why? I don't know, guess I just want to be free of the obsession completely. I can't imagine how upset i'd be if I actually did drink so I will try to focus on that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
quitforme79,
That's awesome that you resisted all those triggers. Good for you.
I find animated, boisterous and/or rowdy drinkers an insufferable bore, so if I were to hear people partying down at a bar I don't think it would be much of a temptation for me. Being in line at the supermarket and the seeing the solitary person in front of me minding his own business and buying a six-pack of beer and nothing else, looking like he's just going to go home and spend a quiet evening doing stuff around the house. That would look pretty darned good to me.
One of the many times I started drinking again was at an mellow outdoor concert at a brew pub on a golf course. There were tables set up outside and you could buy specialty brews. No one was rowdy or acting like an idiot as we were waiting for the concert to start. I just couldn't handle seeing all those mild mannered people enjoying their brews, so I broke down and bought a few.
I can't recall ever starting drinking with a binge after not drinking for a stretch. I start off with 2 or 3 beers and it takes months to work back up to where I'm drinking what would knock the normal person out cold, and I'm still handling it well because I worked up to it. Then usually some health problem arises, because the human body isn't designed to consume that much alcohol.
I've read a number of accounts of people who have been sober for a while and are really enjoying it and then they decide they'll just have a glass of wine with dinner and end up drinking 2 bottles and acting out in one way or another, getting in a screaming match with someone, blacking out, or a combination of all those things. That doesn't describe me at all, but it doesn't make me any less of an alkie.
My "acting out" - if it can even be called that - is saying to myself, 'You've been dealing with a lot of paperwork and been on hold on the phone for ages to clarify stuff with business and government agencies. It's not the first time you've called them. Each time you call them you get a different story. You've been looking over your computer notes of all the previous calls and keeping meticulous records of what they've said each time and there's nothing you can do for the moment until business hours resume. You deserve to drink some beer and watch a movie.' The next day, the worse thing that I have to deal with is not a hangover or horrible remorse over what I might have said to someone that I can't even remember, but that I haven't done the dishes or cleaned my kitchen table so I can find some paperwork that is buried under other paperwork. But those are conscious decisions I made to put off those tasks, not something I forgot.
As I write these words, I realize that it's just my brain playing tricks with me, saying, 'You see? You're not THAT bad." For someone who's had to go to the doctor or hospital as many times as I have... well, suffice it to say that normal people have never had to go the doctor even once for alcohol related complications.
That's awesome that you resisted all those triggers. Good for you.
I find animated, boisterous and/or rowdy drinkers an insufferable bore, so if I were to hear people partying down at a bar I don't think it would be much of a temptation for me. Being in line at the supermarket and the seeing the solitary person in front of me minding his own business and buying a six-pack of beer and nothing else, looking like he's just going to go home and spend a quiet evening doing stuff around the house. That would look pretty darned good to me.
One of the many times I started drinking again was at an mellow outdoor concert at a brew pub on a golf course. There were tables set up outside and you could buy specialty brews. No one was rowdy or acting like an idiot as we were waiting for the concert to start. I just couldn't handle seeing all those mild mannered people enjoying their brews, so I broke down and bought a few.
I can't recall ever starting drinking with a binge after not drinking for a stretch. I start off with 2 or 3 beers and it takes months to work back up to where I'm drinking what would knock the normal person out cold, and I'm still handling it well because I worked up to it. Then usually some health problem arises, because the human body isn't designed to consume that much alcohol.
I've read a number of accounts of people who have been sober for a while and are really enjoying it and then they decide they'll just have a glass of wine with dinner and end up drinking 2 bottles and acting out in one way or another, getting in a screaming match with someone, blacking out, or a combination of all those things. That doesn't describe me at all, but it doesn't make me any less of an alkie.
My "acting out" - if it can even be called that - is saying to myself, 'You've been dealing with a lot of paperwork and been on hold on the phone for ages to clarify stuff with business and government agencies. It's not the first time you've called them. Each time you call them you get a different story. You've been looking over your computer notes of all the previous calls and keeping meticulous records of what they've said each time and there's nothing you can do for the moment until business hours resume. You deserve to drink some beer and watch a movie.' The next day, the worse thing that I have to deal with is not a hangover or horrible remorse over what I might have said to someone that I can't even remember, but that I haven't done the dishes or cleaned my kitchen table so I can find some paperwork that is buried under other paperwork. But those are conscious decisions I made to put off those tasks, not something I forgot.
As I write these words, I realize that it's just my brain playing tricks with me, saying, 'You see? You're not THAT bad." For someone who's had to go to the doctor or hospital as many times as I have... well, suffice it to say that normal people have never had to go the doctor even once for alcohol related complications.
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